Page 103 of Hold Me Before You Go

Way I see it, we go to the FBI, we face jail time. We clean up the mess our way, Red Snake remains intact. We’d just have to fly under the radar for a bit.

Justice—when it comes to that fucking family—is death.

I couldn’t act on it, not until she told me what she wanted.

“What do you want, baby?” The question came out soft, just above a whisper, filled with agony.

Her face twisted, and she looked away from me, her bottom lip trembling now. “I want to be happy, Grayson. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat and folded my arms over my chest to keep from touching her. “Tell me what to do,” I begged.

She jerked, her eyes meeting mine again. “What?”

“Tell me what to fucking do,” I repeated, my voice hard. “Tell me what I need to do so you can be happy. I won’t be happy unless you’re happy.”

A single tear fell from her eye, landing on her pink cheek. “I can’t make the decision that would ruin multiple lives, Grayson. I can’t…”

“You have to,” I told her simply.

Carrie threw her hands in the air. “Why? Why do I have to?” she cried, her voice cracking.

I snapped then, the pain in her beautiful voice sending me over the edge. “Because if you don’t, then I’ll be a monster, just like him,” I growled, trying to keep my temper at bay. “I’ll be no better than Robert.”

More tears.

More devastation.

More agony.

It was never-ending.

Would she and I ever escape it? Or were we just two souls damned too soon?

“What are you talking about?” she pushed out.

“Sunshine, if I make the fucking choice, it won’t be the right one. It will be the selfish one, the one that keeps you and Red Snake safe, the one that keeps you with me, in my bed every damn night. Don’t make me choose, Carrie,” I seethed, dropping my arms. “Because I choose you. I will always choose you, every goddamn time. You’re my fucking life, Carrie.Nothingwill ever come before you.”

She gaped at me, tears shining in her eyes as her chest heaved. “Grayson,” she breathed. “You can’t mean that—”

“I fucking do. That will never fucking change. Before you, I was nothing, a shell of a fucking man barely hanging onto his fucking soul. When I first met you, I couldn’t get you out of my head. I dreamed of you, worried about you. You were like a fever a couldn’t fucking break,” I explained, my heart calling out to her. I didn’t mind going over our time together again. Hell, I’d remind her of her power over me every single day if I could, but right now, she needed to get me.

She needed to understand my darkness.

“The second time I left you, as I walked out your door with your taste on my lips, baby, you were mine. You know that, right?” I didn’t wait for her to give me an answer as I watched more tears fall from her eyes. “Hold those tears in, gorgeous,” I begged, unable to take it. “Carrie, you were mine then, and I was yours. It was done. Nothing since that night has changed for me. If anything, I love you more. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make you happy, Sunshine.Just tell me what to fucking do.”

A broken sob left her then, and she covered her mouth, shaking her head.

“You want to know why I call you Sunshine?” I asked. Again, I didn’t wait for her response. I just kept going, pouring it all out for her as fear threatened to take control. “My life hasn’t always been dark, Carrie. You know this, but here’s the truth: my life has never beenwarm.”

Slowly, her hand fell away from her face. “W-what are you talking about?”

“I call you Sunshine because you keep me warm,” I whispered, my chest aching.

She came for me then, hopping off the counter, closing the space between us before she shot to her toes, grabbing my face, but I was already meeting her halfway. Our mouths collided in a frenzy of emotion, our lips blending with her tears. I groaned at the taste, hating them as I kissed her harder, my hands cupping her face as hers dropped to my shoulders.

We broke apart minutes later, and I rested my forehead against hers.

When she broke the silence, my stomach twisted. “If I choose you, I’ll never be able to live with myself,” she confessed softly, holding my eyes. “I love you, but I couldn’t sleep at night knowing what we know. It would eat at me, Grayson. Slowly. It would always be in the back of my mind.”

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