Page 251 of Wrath

"You can ask me. Actually," I whisper, "Ihave questions." Tears fill my eyes. "Millsy, how'd you stand it when I found you at the frat house?"

Knowing him more fully...knowing how I left him in his bed and disappeared and sent that fucking bullshit text to my dad. And then never contacted him again.

"Jesus. How'd you do that?” I whisper. “How'd you just...take me back?"

"Lemme tell you, angel, cause it's a good story." His lips brush my forehead, and I think I feel him smiling. "The only thing that mattered to me, when you found me on the stairs that night, was you. When I realized you didn't remember, you think it really mattered to me? After I wanted you for an entire year. Finding out that you couldn't help it—that you didn'twantto ghost me— Dude. It was all I needed. I got used to you not knowing. I would want you any way you were. So what you forgot a few months? We've got a lot more than that."

I swallow as tears fill my eyes. "I'm so lucky."

"We're both lucky."

"I feel terrible for Carl," I rasp.Tears spill down my cheeks, and Miller wipes them gently with his fingers.

"Don't feel bad. He's okay. He'll be more okay when you and him talk. Speaking of them…I told them I was only going out for just a little bit, to see the Christmas lights by the lake. If you want, I'll drive us back toward home and you hop out near the cemetery. Then I'll go in, chat with them, and I'll let you in my bedroom window?"

"You think I can climb up on that roof?"

"Well, sort of. Can you?"

I laugh. "Probably."

As it turns out, I can; thank you, football workouts. It's weird as hell to be back up on that roof. Remembering myself so lost and messed up. The nights I'd take some pills and lie out here and try to keep from getting deeply asleep.

Miller notices my face as soon as I climb into his window.

"Hey, man. Feeling weird?"

I nod slowly, looking all around his room. I look at him, at older Miller in his same old bedroom. Something—some damn feeling—grips my throat so tight that it aches. "I wasn't happy here,” I manage, feeling gut-punched. “The only thing that was bearable at all was you.”

He hugs me.

We end up on his bed, kissing fast and hard and frenzied as tears fall from my eyes.

"You really moved on from all that?"I ask, as we pull apart to breathe.

"From you leaving?" He nods. "I have. And you did, too."

“No, not really. I forgot.”

"Forget again," he teases. "Just remember right now with me."

We kiss till we've both got boners. Then he jerks us off—my lust for Miller overriding the whirlwind in my chest only barely. As he goes to get a towel, I look around his dark room, feeling nervous that my dad will walk in.

"It's weird to know my dad and your mom again,” I tell him when he comes back. “Overnight."

He laughs. "I bet.”

I’m trying to keep a hold on things, but it’s…unmooring. Even as I feel like shit about my past with Miller, I just want to fucking hug him, to be soothed by him.

I inhale, scrunching my brows. "What's that smell?"

"It’s Christmas cookies. You want?"

That reminds me of something—which makes me laugh. "Sugar is bad for you. I remember now, I had that idea down here. I was going to detox my whole body, and I was trying to go lite on sugar."

"Fucked that up for you," Mills says.

"You did. All those damn donuts. Hey, wait, Miller. I just thought of something. Since I remembered, I could see your mom and Carl, and I wouldn't have to explain why I don't know who they are now. Because…now Idoknow."

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