Page 14 of Little Psycho

5.Adam Moretti—Ash’s father

6.David Blacksburg—Killian’s father

7.Jackson Gray—Dominic’s father

8.Paul Gallagher—state senator

9.Kyle Benjamin—Mayor

10.Marcus Rutherford—city councilman

11.Hayden Wilson—Judge

12.Robert Bailey—Brockton Chief of Police

13.Jose Brown—City Councilman

Looking over the famous list I keep hidden—the list of people I’m going to fucking kill if I ever manage to get free—my stomach churns and grows tight, knowing there will be another name added to it tonight.

Of course, it’s another birthday—my twenty-third—which means my mother has another party planned.Another opportunity for her to make money off of my pain and suffering.Another chance to sell me to the highest bidder in a position of power who can use and abuse me however they want.

My arms and legs begin to itch, so I scratch hard, leaving marks behind that dig deep into my flesh.Tucking the journal back into the hole in the wall, I get up from the same stained mattress I’ve been chained to for the last ten years and hobble my way over to the bolted window, the heavy metal chain scraping against the floor.I snatch my bottle off the shelf where it always stays and take a few more of my Xanax than usual, wanting—needing—to feel as numb as I possibly can.I’ve learned how to self-medicate, and although it might not be the best way to handle things, it’s worked quite well when it comes to numbing myself completely.

In addition to the seven different kinds of medication I’ve been taking for years now, three more have been added to my daily dose.My mother couldn’t handle my “outbursts” and all the talking to myself that I was doing, so she had our family doctor put me on more shit to mask the person I was becoming, turning me into nothing but a shell of myself.

I swallow the pills dry, feeling them catch in my throat before finally sliding down with what saliva I can gather on my tongue.They won’t take away the anger—the deep-seated rage that simmers just beneath the surface.But they do take the edge off, making it easier to play the part of the obedient daughter—the puppet controlled by broken strings—the perfect little party guest.

As I wait for the dizziness to set in, I have to remind myself of my escape plan.It took years of meticulous planning, but I’m finally ready.

Just a few more months, I tell myself.A few more months of enduring this hell, and then I’ll be free.

I breathe in deeply, trying to center myself.I can’t afford to lose control.Not now, not when I’m so fucking close.

I shut my eyes and allow the numbness to creep in, washing over me like a dark wave that threatens to drown me.It’s the only way I can survive.And as I stand here, leaning against the bolted window, craving the madness from the outside world, I know that somehow I’ll make it out alive.

* * *

My neck isstiff as fuck.Trying to move it, my eyes fling open once I realize I’m still leaning against the wall beside the window.I obviously nodded off and fell asleep.My body is stiff and achy, motivating me to reach for my pill bottle once again, this time taking the pain pills I’m prescribed.

Walking the heavy chain back to my bed on the floor, I sit down with a huff, noticing Addy standing near my bedroom door.She looks at me, a nervous smile on her face, reminding me of mine.But in so many ways, she is me.A figment of my imagination, Addy was created to look exactly like me, but the free version—the one who can leave on her own free will.The one who isn’t tortured, chained, and raped.I envy her, even if she isn’t real—she’s real to me.

“I know what you’re thinking,” she says, crossing her scar-free arms over her chest.

Rolling my eyes, I reach under the mattress, feeling around for the only thing that’s made me feel alive during my imprisonment.

“So?”I huff in annoyance, taking note of the pathetic look she gives me as I pull out the razorblade.

“You have a party tonight.Is cutting the best idea?”

“Addy, not now,” I spit, lifting my t-shirt and spreading my legs.

Finding an area of skin that hasn’t been scarred yet is hard, but I eventually locate a small, untouched spot.Pushing the dull blade against my skin, I swiftly flick my wrist and make a slice, wincing from the searing pain as the razor’s edge scrapes dully into my skin.It’s not as deep as I was going for, but it’ll do.Blood drips from the jagged cut, allowing a sigh of relief to slip from my lips, reminding me that again, I’m alive, even if I don’t fucking want to be.

“Why not just fucking kill yourself?”Addy asks, sitting down next to me, watching the thin river of blood coat my inner thigh.

“I don’t want to die, despite what I might say, Addy.I just… I justneedto feel something.”I smile at her, a glassy look in my eye.“I’ll break free one day, and I want to be alive for it.”I cling to the hope that I’ll escape this life instead of being brought out in a body bag.

Sighing, Addy reaches out to wipe the tears that have begun to silently fall from my eyes.“Youwillmake it out alive,” she says softly, her voice full of conviction.“The boyswillcome, Calista; you’ll see.”

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