Page 45 of Karma

She gasps and holds me tighter. “But that’s just it. I didn’t know anything was missing. My life with you and Reaper… it was a dream life. Now I know there’s dreams I never dreamt. If that makes sense.”

“Strangely enough, it does.”

“I don’t think I’m ready to let this dream go,” she says. “I think I’d regret it if I did. Whatever else happens.”

There’s wise things I could say here. Like that it’s better to choose the lesser evil. Better to get out while the getting’s good. Know when to fold them. Because we just lost the most important person in our lives and I’m not ready set myself up to losing another. I’m sure she isn’t either.

“And it’s been fun, hasn’t it?” she interrupts before I can decide if any of those warnings merit saying.

“Yeah, it’s been a rush so far.”

“And after the winter we’ve had… “

“We deserve a good time?” I finish the sentence for her.

We’re almost at the hotel. Scorpio has already made the right turn onto the street that runs past it. I speed up despite the light turning yellow, since I don’t want to lose sight of him. And that’s all I know. Nothing to unpack. Just following an urge. I’m good at giving into those. Maybe that’s all that needs to happen for now.

“Yeah, something like that,” she says, her smile audible in her voice.

“So we’re going north with him? We’re not packing our bags and heading the other way?” I ask. He’s already parked in front of the decrepit hotel and is waiting for us by the entrance. Waiting for this same answer, I suppose.

“Yeah, we’re going north.”

“All right, fuck it. Let’s do it.”

I’ve never been good at playing it safe anyway. Besides, we’ll still have time to pull out, to turn around, we don’t have to be hasty yet. And anything can happen in a war. Even victory.

22

Scorpio

I told them too much. Barely stopped myself from telling them my whole sorry life story that led to this moment, this eleventh hour before the war. I almost told them Joker’s story too. He would not thank me for that. Part of his plan for the Lost Sons MC has always been keeping who we actually are a secret, so he can spring it on the Devils when they least expect it.

Personally, I’m sure they already know. Not much gets by those motherfuckers. And they don’t lose. Karma and Grim are right to worry about me. I wish I wasn’t worried. I wish I could just charge right into this war and get my vengeance. But the way things stand, I probably won’t get to live that vengeance. And I wish that didn’t seem so pointless to me. What a pussy I am. If any of my brothers heard me thinking this, they’d kill me themselves, save the Devils the trouble.

It’s shaping up to be a very nice day. The wind’s just strong enough to chase away the hotness of the sun. The air still stinks like all cities always do, of piss and shit and dust and garbage, but the wind’s carrying the scent of the ocean too, so it’s notthat bad. It’d be a nice day to spend on the beach, or in a pool somewhere.

Instead, I’m standing in the pothole-ridden and trash-filled parking lot of the hotel where I spent a few damn amazing nights with Karma. Grim too, sort of. I’m sure those great nights with him would come too.

But they probably won’t now. Not after I told them about the inevitability of what comes next for me.

They’re rounding the corner in the distance. They’ll be here soon. And I wish I’d just run up, gotten my stuff and headed on out of here before they got here.

They’re wearing identical serious expressions on their faces as they dismount and take their helmets off. I’m used to seeing that seriousness on Grim’s face. Not Karma’s though. She looks like she did back when she’d never give me the time of day. And it’s a throwback I don’t need right now. I should’ve just left. There’s nothing in that hotel room we shared that I really need. Except her.

Waking up with her in my arms, making love to her until I couldn’t anymore, just kissing and holding her… I’ve grown used to that. I’m afraid I’ve grown to need it. Giving it up will be like giving up the bottle. Actually, giving up the bottle would be easier and I’ve been drinking since I was fifteen.

As for Grim, there’s definitely a spark there. Hot and bright enough to almost make me question even the promise I made to myself a long time ago that all guys get from me are blowjobs and my dick, nothing else.

“We’re coming with you,” Karma announces, shouting it right over the noise of the traffic in the street and the screaming thoughts in my head. She even smiled, making this day once again appear every bit as bright as it is,

“And if Joker needs us for anything, we’ll be there,” Grim adds. He doesn’t smile. Or maybe he does a little. But just withhis eyes. He has the eyes of a wolf. Light grey and expansive, like the great outdoors that he and his MC roam so well. Maybe that’s where the spark came from. Because I like to roam too. I just never get to do it anymore.

“He won’t need you,” I say. “You already know too much, so don’t tell anyone.”

I wish I didn’t have to say that. But Joker himself might kill me if he knew I told them as much as I did.

Grim scoffs. “You’re going against cold-blooded killers. We are also cold-blooded killers. You need us.”

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