Page 41 of Karma

He shakes his head and looks back over the landscape, finally exhaling fully.

“You’re a good-looking guy, I’ll give you that, even for your age,” he says. “But you’re fucking tough to read.”

“Am I?”

I reach for the bottle of whiskey by his head and sink further down into the water, because who knows when I’ll be in one of these gifts from God again. Although, maybe I prefer the natural pools of warm water deep in some untouched parts of this country where the only thing hunting you is some animal. And that’s understandable, because it’s hungry and it’s the way it ought to be.

“You are,” he says. “One minute you’re holding me and giving me a hand job like we’re two teenagers just falling in love. And the next you’re pulling away when I try to touch you, not even looking at me.”

“I see you just fine,” I say.

“Yeah?” he asks. “And what do you see?”

“Trouble, mostly,” I say and take a long swig of the whiskey. Truth is, we’re touching just fine, our sides pressed together because he didn’t give me enough room in here. I press my thigh harder against his, chuckling as his breath hitches in his throat and his cock grows even harder. My own is throbbing hard too. But I’m not sure I want to give into it yet.

“Don’t worry, there’ll be no time for trouble,” he says. “I’m just in this for a good time, not a long time.”

“That’s what worries me,” I say, despite myself. “Karma won’t like it.”

And I’m not sure I’m just talking about her. If I let this happen, if I let him get under my skin and give in to his charms, then that’ll just be more pieces to pick up once he’s done with us. Maybe that’s why I couldn’t sleep. It’s definitely why I wouldn’t kiss him while we were fucking Karma. Because I’d already done too much of that. And it’s better it stops before it gets any more complicated. Good thing I came out here for this talk. Because now I know where I stand.

I put the bottle down and move to leave the hot tub. But he grabs the back of my neck, the touch at once hard and demanding, but so unyieldingly soft that whatever blood was left in my brain rushes to my cock.

“She’s a big girl and you’re a big boy,” he says, his eyes shining unnaturally blue and just as clear as the water. They leave a trail of blue flame as they travel down to my hard cock, his touch as soft as the water, but somehow more devastating than an earthquake. “So like you said, why not just let it happen?”

I’m stunned for the moment, suspended between wanting to leave and needing to stay right where I am. I’m sure I’m not the first guy he’s had in this position. Could be a learned skill, couldbe those soft blue eyes of his that make me long for lazy summer days even when I didn’t get many of those in my life. Or ever wanted them the way I do right now.

His other hand glides down my stomach and he starts stroking my cock lazily too, just like he might on one of those easy days.

I don’t want easy, I’ve always done it hard, never had a need for anything else. Until now. And I don’t know what to make of that. I just know I don’t want him to stop.

His hand slips lower, over my balls and further between my spread legs. “You know, it’s been two days and I still haven’t gotten to fuck anyone. Was kinda hoping it would happen tonight.”

I grab his wrist and guide his hand back to my cock. “Yeah, I’ve been thinking about fucking you since last night.”

He gives me such a brilliantly boyish smile I almost believe that’s exactly what he wanted to hear. But then his eyes turn midnight black and just as frightening.

“That won’t happen,” he says and releases my cock. “You need to be OK with that. Right now. Or we’re done.”

I grip his wrist tighter, right over those serious scars he has there. They don’t look like much under those black and flame orange tattoos they’re covered with, but touching them, I know the cuts were deep. And I think I’m looking into the eyes of the person who suffered them right now, not the easy-going, non-fazed guy he wants everyone to see him as.

“What the hell happened to you?”

“That’s not anyone’s business but my own,” he says. “So it’s a deal?”

“All right,” I say, since he really wants an answer. But, fuck me, it’s a lie. Because I’ll never be satisfied until I’m balls deep inside him, and that will remain true no matter what else happens. Even if we go our separate ways after tonight. Just asit’s been true since the day we met. Funny, how I never realized that until just now.

“But it goes both ways,” I say and release his wrist. “If I don’t get to fuck you then you don’t get to fuck me.”

“Pity,” he says and sounds like means it. But also like he’s relieved.

He braces against the edges of the hot tub and lifts himself out, sitting on the edge, water cascading off his perfect body like a dream ending.

“How about a blow job then?” He’s trying to sound like it’s all the same to him if I say no to that too. But I can also hear the desperation with which he wants to hear a yes. Maybe to know it’s not all ending prematurely right here, with this talk. He’s not as good an actor as he thinks he is. Or maybe I have him figured out better than I thought I did.

Whichever of those things is the truth, it’s an easy yes from me. Because not all good things need to be chased away just because bad things might follow. And because I’ve been thinking about having his cock in my mouth for longer than I realized too. And because things can be easy if you want them to be.

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