I didn’t know what those dreams were. Dreaming of a different life seemed so foreign now. I wish she was here to talk to or hold me.
“Let’s swing!” Heidi said, jumping up from our seat at the craft table.
“Let’s.” I stood to follow her outside to the large yard, which was set up for outdoor activities.
On our way to the door, May walked into the craft room, and Heidi ran to hug her as if she hadn’t seen her in weeks instead of a few hours. May smiled shyly at me, and they held hands as we continued outside. This world was easy and safe. Heidi and May were happy here and didn’t experience anything ugly from the outside world. That reassurance helped me sleep at night.
We were almost to the swings when I noticed Jasper waiting by the tree nearby. The facility had security, where you checked in with an ID and a code. Jasper joined me on a previous visit. I had cleared his name through the office for visiting Heidi, but I didn’t think to change that until now.
He didn’t belong here. He could have found me somewhere else if he had wanted to talk to me. Not here in front of my sister.
“There’s your friend!” May said, pointing at him.
“That’s her boyfriend.” Heidi giggled as they both watched Jasper.
I hadn’t explained or brought up Jasper since I left Portia’s home. It wasn’t something Heidi would understand.
“You two head to the swings. I will be right there.” They whispered and giggled more as they ran to the swings. In their minds, I wanted to be alone with my boyfriend.
The long strides I took walking toward him were purposeful. My expression was fierce. He needed to understand this wasn’t acceptable. I didn’t need this right now. He’d done enough. Why wasn’t he in Manhattan, where he was supposed to be?
“I’m not here to see or upset Heidi,” were the first words out of his mouth when I reached him.
“Why are you here?” I asked even though I just wanted him to leave.
He shifted on his feet. “I was worried about you and needed to make sure you were okay. I know what you’re going through is all my fault.”
He sounded sincere, but I didn’t care. “My personal issues are not things I plan to discuss here. Heidi is right over there swinging, and this is my time with her. You don’t belong here.”
He sighed and put his hands in his front jean pockets. “I’m sorry. I just needed to see you…Make sure you were okay. I can’t go back to Stone’s, and I know you’re still staying there. After what I showed you last night, I thought you would leave, but he must have been convincing.” The tone in his voice was almost acidic. That didn’t sit well with me.
“Please leave,” I said. “I need to get back to Heidi.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t tell you to hurt you. But I know Stone. I know his darkness and what he’s capable of…What he will eventually do to you. I was worried about you.”
Maybe his sudden appearance and words were honest. There could be more I didn’t know about Stone, but that didn’t matter now. Stone left me.
“Goodbye, Jasper.” I turned to walk away.
“I’m always there if you need me,” he said. I didn’t turn around. There was a small part of me that felt something for Jasper. It wasn’t love, but we had a connection once. I had believed in a fairytale back then. Jasper had been someone else to me—he had been a hero. I never saw his flaws. I’d been too blinded by his shine to see the tarnish. I had to remember that we all tarnished eventually—Stone included.
Heidi was clapping happily when I rejoined them. “May did a cartwheel.” Her elation was welcome and blinding. “She’s been trying for weeks. Practice, practice, Ms. Tracey had said. It worked.” The pure joy for her friend’s accomplishment reminded me that there was a perfect untarnished soul after all—Heidi’s.
Later that evening, after spending all day with Heidi, I walked into Stone’s empty apartment. I was torn about what to do. Stay or go? There was a slim chance the studio apartment I had found was still available. I hadn’t been able to bring myself to call and check. Stone wasn’t here and hadn’t given me any reason to think he wanted me to be here when he got back. I thought about staying until he returned to face him. I wondered if he would talk to me and maybe even fight for us after he had time to think.
The other option would be that I pack up and move to prevent my heart from breaking further. If Geraldine wanted me to continue working for her, I would. Geraldine would be a constant reminder of Stone, and that would be painful. But over time, I should heal enough to survive him.
There was a good chance Geraldine would want me to leave. She adored Stone. If she had to choose between us, she would choose him, and I expected that. I wanted her to—she was his family.
I switched on the light and let the loneliness of the empty apartment sink into me. My happiest moments had happened here. Our laughter had echoed through the halls, and so had my cries of pleasure. Stone was everything I could have ever wanted in a man. It was painful to think that as quickly as I found love, it had ended. My relationships were cursed. Having my heart broken would never happen again because I’d never get close to another man.
I hadn’t eaten anything but half of a turkey sandwich for lunch. Going into Stone’s kitchen seemed wrong now. I didn’t feel welcomed, much less that I could eat his food. My appetite had left when Stone shut me out.
I walked down the hall and into the room he’d given me to use. To get my mind off things, I went about my evening routine ofundressing, bathing, and then going to bed. I lay there staring at the ceiling, making plans for the next day. After visiting Heidi tomorrow, I decided to it was best that I go to the apartments I had found and see if they still had an availability. Living in Stone’s apartment without him here would be too painful. The ache in my chest grew unbearable as the silence surrounded me.
When I finally closed my eyes, the doorbell rang through the apartment, causing me to almost fall out of bed from the unexpected sound. Untangling myself from the covers, I finally got my feet on the floor and went to see who was at the door. I had gone to bed early, but it still seemed too late for visitors. I couldn’t care less that I was wearing my pink threadbare pajamas. I doubted I would open the door anyway.
The peephole was taller than me, and I had to stand on my toes to see who was there.