Page 101 of Sweet Little Thing

I forced a tight smile. “I’m not sure I ever will be,” I replied honestly.

“Did that piece of shit break up with you in a letter?” Chantelsounded furious.

My lips started to quiver, but I pressed them together to stop that immediately. “No.”

“Do you need to stay here?” Fiona asked.

“No, but thank you. I have to figure out what my next steps are. He’s giving me time to do that.”

“He did break up with you!” Chantel was beyond angry.

Breaking up with me would have been easier than this. At least there would have been interaction. There would have been tears. Maybe there would have been yelling. But this? This letter held no emotion. It was a cold, empty…the end.

Heidi’s smile was the first bit of warmth I’d felt since Jasper had shown up at Stone’s. My chest wasn’t as hollow with her beside me. She had been chatting happily about the baby blankets she was learning to crochet and how they would make them and send them to the “babies that were cold.” A nurse who had been working in the activities room at the time told me about a homeless shelter for abused pregnant women. The blankets were for the women and their small children who lived at the shelter.

Another reason I loved this place is that they not only took care of Heidi but also gave her important things to do. She loved crochet, and doing something helpful meant so much to her.

“I’m so proud of my new washcloths.” She’d given me four since my arrival—all her favorites that she’d saved for me.

“Keep them safe. I won’t be making more until after Christmas. I need to make these babies blankets.” She was suddenly very serious, and my heart squeezed.

“The blankets are incredibly important and needed. I know those mothers are very thankful for the blankets you make,” I assured her.

She nodded her head empathically. “Those babies don’t have a home. Their mommas need things. I wish I could make them clothes.” She looked so sad suddenly. She had no idea she’d been an unwanted baby once upon a time. Portia had wanted for nothing and gave her baby away not checking to see if she needed anything. She had just forgotten about her. Feeling hatred for Portia would have overcome me if I hadn’t known Heidi had been loved fiercely by the mother she had been given to.

“May takes too long of naps,” Heidi grumbled, suddenly changing the subject.

“May was sick last week. She needs the extra rest,” I reminded her.

Heidi shrugged, and then her smile returned quickly. “When you come tomorrow, are you bringing cookies?”

I surprised her today and told her I would be back tomorrow. She spent five minutes jumping up and down, clapping her hands. Watching her do that helped ease my despair. She reminded me that I couldn’t fall apart. Heidi was always my source of joy. She would never fully understand that. More than once, she had saved me from my sorrow. Losing our mother had been the hardest point in my life, but having Heidi helped me make it through each day after.

Facing life without Stone was a different kind of pain but just as powerful. Heidi would save me again, as evidenced by our time together today. I leaned over and pulled her into my arms tightly to hug her. It was the only way I could express how much I loved her. She squeezed me back enthusiastically.

“I love you.” I fought back the tears in my eyes.

“I love you most.” She pulled back and beamed her bright smile at me. Enjoying the fact she’d got to say it this time.

“Remember when Momma made us the pancakes with the candy?” she asked.

Momma would make us pancakes with sprinkles for special occasions. I enjoyed the happiness that memories of Mom brought to her face. “And she would put whipped cream on top if we had been extra good,” I added.

Heidi’s eyes widened as if she had forgotten. I wondered how much she had forgotten. I needed to talk about Momma with her more. The little things like pancakes with sprinkles and whipped cream. The moments Momma would want her to remember.

“Yes,” she said in awe. “And one time we had choc-co-late.” She had a hard time with the last word.

“Yes, chocolate syrup. We had both made all A’s on our report cards. It was a very good day.”

“I want candy pancakes with choc-co-late and whipped cream.” Heidi looked wistful.

I wanted them, too, from Momma’s kitchen while she stood there singing at the stove. It was a wonderful scene to remember, but we would have to settle for the memory.

“I will see what I can do.” I’d make us pancakes exactly how we had them.

“Make some for May too. She’s never had them. I told her ‘bout them.”

I always made enough for May, but Heidi needed to remind me. She never wanted May left out. I didn’t have a friend like that. Knowing Heidi had such a dear friend made it easier to leave her here. When we turned eighteen, Momma told me that Heidi would need her own life one day, and I would need mine. She stressed to me that I couldn’t look after her forever. She wanted me to chase my dreams.

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