Page 4 of Knot All is Forgiven

"It hasn't been working for a while." I open the bottom drawer of my dresser and begin to pull out clothes. "You know it hasn't."

"I thought we were good," he insists, taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry if I made things weird. It doesn't have to mean anything, Simon." He takes a few steps towards me, pitching his voice down. "It can just be for fun. I can handle that."

"That's not what I'm talking about, and you know it." I snag his wrist before he can place his hand on my shoulder. "I care about you, Rafe."

He wrenches away from me. "So you've said. What's the problem, then?" He perches on the edges of my bed, looking up at me with wide, dark eyes. "Other packs do it. It's not uncommon for the pack bond to become something more."

"Goddamnit, Rafe," I say, unable to stop myself from touching his cheek. "I'm not having this conversation again. What happened between us is not the issue right now."

"Then what is?"

I yank my hand back. "What do you mean what is? Jordan! The issue is Jordan."

"Jordan, who hasn't returned your calls in three years, Jordan?" He scoffs and lays back on his bed. "We fucked that up royally, Si. That ship has sailed into a hurricane."

"We don't work without her." I sink down next to him on the worn plaid bedspread. "It was always the four of us. It was meant to be the four of us from the beginning. She should be here."

"She's not an Omega, Simon," he says softly. "And if we bring her into our pack and then find a scent match, and they don't want a Beta in the pack, we would be left to choose between them."

"And I would choose Jordan every. Fucking. Time!" My voice is hysterical, but I don't care anymore. It's been so long since we've talked about her that every feeling I have held back for the past three years bubbles to the surface. "You two convinced me to reject her for theconceptof another person. We hadn't met someone else. We made an assumption based on what we thought was best for her. Did we ask her if she was willing to risk the hurt? No!"

"Because she would have said yes!" he shouts. "She would have said yes, and it would've broken all of our hearts if she had to leave the pack. She wouldn't have been the only one shredded."

"Don't pretend like we did this for her."

Rafe's hand darts out and gently grabs my neck, pulling my face so close to his that my eyes almost cross when I try to look at him. "We all agreed, Simon. Do not try to play the victim like we forced this on you. You agreed."

I gulp around his grip, my body loosening with the pressure. "What choice did I have? Cyrus wouldn't have listened to me. He was set in his decision."

"Our decision. All three of us sat down and decided it was best for Jordan. We needed to give her room to explore her life, meet other people, and come to terms with being a Beta." He slowly scoots closer to me, and his bare chest presses against my side. His breaths are almost as fast as mine.

Two years ago, drunk and sad, Rafe and I fell into each other's arms for the first time. When we woke up, the awkwardness made me want to buy a plane ticket across the world, but that hasn't stopped us from seeking comfort in each other several times since then.

I felt then, and still do, loyal to Jordan. But Rafe wasn't wrong when he said Jordan would not care if we were together. Not just because of the breaking her heart thing but because Jordan has the biggest heart of anyone and would never begrudge someone more love and affection.

Also, she'd want to watch. No doubt about it. I borrowed her phone once and saw her taste in porn.

It was all polyamorous packs.

Rafe flexes his fingers around my throat and then pulls back, sighing. "You're really leaving?"

I miss the heat of his touch and do my best to shake it off. It only takes me a minute or two to finish packing my bag. "Yeah, I am. I can't listen to Cyrus planning for us to go to Omega socials and trying to find someone to fill the hole that Jordan left in our pack."

Throwing my bag over my shoulder, I nudge past Rafe, who has risen to his feet, and head out of our shitty third-floor walk-up apartment. Rafe follows me down the stairs and stands on the curb as I climb onto my busted, half-restored motorcycle.

"Will you ever be back?" His voice is more vulnerable than I expected, sowing a seed of doubt in my gut that I bury deep within me as I throw on my helmet.

"Tell Cyrus I said bye."

"Damn, did you neverget food at your old place?" Nitro asks with a chuckle, sliding another hamburger on my plate. The smoke from the grill fills up the club complex, and the chatter of people is loud enough to drown out my thoughts.

I smile at the big, burly Beta and shrug. "Always hungry," I say through a full mouth.

His hand smacks me on the back of the head, and I wince. "Don't talk with your mouth full!"

"Sorry, boss." I tuck into the new burger he gave me, enjoying the slight char on the top. A heavy feeling covers me, and I look up to see Nitro staring at me. He's got silver streaks in his dark beard and hair and classic-style tattoos of pinup girls and eagles that I can barely make out because of the age of the ink.

"Not that I'm not happy that you're joining the family, kid," he grunts, throwing himself onto the bench across from me, "but leaving a pack is a big deal."

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