Page 3 of Knot All is Forgiven

Maybe everyone has been right that I'm just a Beta, and this is all in my head.

Is it all in my head?

It doesn't feel like it's in my head. It feels so real. So visceral.

"Say something, Jordy," Rafe says softly. I didn't notice I was crying, but it's clear as day in that tiny picture of my face. I shake my head silently, unable to form the words that long to spill out of me.

I love you all so much.

Why don't you love me too?

I'm supposed to be yours.

This isn't right. This can't be right.

"I'm so, so sorry, Jordan," Simon says, looking almost as upset as me. "We never wanted to hurt you. But we couldn't let you keep putting your life on hold for us."

"But we're meant to be together," I say so quietly that it would be a miracle if my microphone picked it up.

It doesn't, of course.

"We'll still be friends, Jordan," Cyrus adds from behind Simon's shoulder. "We'll always care for you."

"Can I still… be in the pack? Just as your Beta?" I'm grasping at straws now because even though I don't believe I'm a Beta, I'm willing to pretend if it means keeping them in my life.

Rafe sighs heavily and shakes his head slowly. "She doesn't want another female in the pack, Jordan."

It's the final nail in the coffin, burying my hope and happiness six feet under.

"I gotta go," I mutter, hanging up immediately.

I can't listen to how they care for me, how they'll always be in my life. I can't stand hearing them remind me that they'll always be there for me.

Because I know that isn't true.

They have their Omega. What could they want with me, anyway?

Chapter two

Three Years Later

It's been a slowprocess, but I'm almost out of the pack house.

I can't stand to be here anymore. I thought I could get over losing Jordan. I thought I could get past the fact that we fucked up so royally that we lost the best thing that ever happened to us.

But I can't.

She's gone.

It's been three years since the moment I watched her heart break in real-time, and I've still got a Jordan-sized crater in my chest.

"Where are you going?" Rafe says, leaning in my doorway and staring at my duffle bag.

I do my best to ignore him, but it's hard when he's shirtless and still sweaty from his daily run. I was hoping to be gone before he got back.

"You're just going to leave then, huh?" he says quietly, stepping into my tiny bedroom with the shitty furniture I bought when I was nineteen. He closes the door behind him and leans against it, blocking my only means of egress.

I don't think this old apartment is up to fire code.

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