Page 127 of Promises in the Dark

She stared at me, her chest heaving with sobs, and I felt my own anger drain away, leaving only a deep, aching sorrow.

“You’re going to fucking kill yourself trying to save everyone,” I replied, my own voice hoarse and exhausted. “And I can’t stand by and watch.”

I stood there, helpless, hopeless, and utterly fucking lost.

Me and Red couldn’t possibly work. We were fucking toxic together. I was too selfish to be able to handle her selfless nature. She’d always put others before herself, and I’d always put myself first.

“Then don’t,” she said coldly, turning away from me.

She knew it too. We werefucked. Fundamentally incompatible.

That hit me harder than any bullet. It wasn’t just the words; it was the look she gave me. Like if I wasn’t on board with this suicide mission of hers, then I’d better just step the fuck aside.

And damn it, she knew I wouldn’t. That was the problem. I cared too much to just watch her burn herself out, but no matter what I said, I couldn’t fucking put out that fire in her. She was determined to torch herself to the ground.

We were just two lost souls, clinging to each other in the hope of finding some fucking salvation. But there was no salvation here. No happy ending. Just pain and heartache and a fuckload of bullshit.

I took a step back from her, feeling like I was walking away from something precious but ultimately doomed from the start.

We were never gonna make it. Not in this lifetime, not in any fucking lifetime.

Chapter 34

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Everything was a blur, the room spinning like a fucking tilt-a-whirl.

The bottle of cheap whiskey was almost empty on the table in front of me, and I was well on my way to being completely shitfaced. A cigarette dangled from my lips, smoke curling up into the air, making my eyes water. I had tried to quit both, Lord knows I had, but some habits were like cockroaches—they just wouldn’t fucking die.

And tonight? Tonight was one ofthosenights.

The room wouldn’t stop spinning as I took another long, burning sip, feeling the liquid fire scorch its way down my throat. Didn’t stop the thoughts swirling in my head, but it dulled them just enough. Just enough to keep the demons at bay, at least for now.

Tomorrow was the mission, and it gnawed at me. We were headed straight into a hornet’s nest in some godforsaken shithole in Afghanistan. The kind of place where a single wrong move meant you were up to your knees in blood and bullets. If we got caught digging dirt on the captain, it’d be our fucking heads. But fuck it, someone had to do it.

My thoughts drifted to Red. God, she was always on my mind I could still picture her, standing there, defiant and beautiful, even in her grief.

But she was a mess too, caught up in her own bullshit, trying to save a world that didn’t want to be saved. Watching her cling to her ex like he was worth something? That shit tore me up inside. She had this fire in her, this drive to save people—evenwhen it was fucking hopeless. It killed me to see her so ready to burn herself alive for a lost cause.

I leaned back in my chair, closing my eyes, letting the alcohol do its thing. I couldn’t stop thinking about her—about the way she felt in my arms, the way her lips tasted.

Fuck. No matter how much I drank, no matter how many cigarettes I burned through, she was still under my skin. Like a goddamn itch I couldn’t scratch.

I downed the rest of the whiskey, barely feeling the burn anymore. The cigarette was just about finished, so I flicked the butt into the ashtray, watching the smoke drift up into the air.

I heard the door creak open, but I was too dizzy to give a shit who it was. I blinked and struggled to focus, my vision blurry as I tried to make out who the fuck was intruding on my space. My head was spinning, and I could barely fucking see straight, but when I looked up, I saw her face.

Or at least, I thought it was her.

“Hey there, beautiful,” I mumbled, reaching out to touch her face gently. “Come to join me in my misery?”

Holy shit, she was here and I was a mess.

She smiled back before leaning in closer and running her fingers over the buttons of my shirt. With a soft giggle, she undid one, then another, until my skin was exposed.

Fuck, was it really her?

“Red…” I slurred, barely able to form her name and thinking she was the answer to my drunken prayers.

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