Page 106 of The Hockey Grump Saves Christmas

And that makes Wyatt right. I’m not good enough for you. You’re a ray of sunshine. And, deep down, I’m really who you thought I was that first night—a dark cloud, a walking downer who’s better off getting close to no one and just focusing on whacking pucks around a rink.

I thought you’d probably come here to look for me. So I wrote you this note.

My stomach twists so hard I could throw up, and I’m so lightheaded and in fear of keeling over that I slide my back down the door until my butt comes torest on my heels.

By the time I’m free to come back up here you’ll be gone. Starting your amazing new life down south. Meeting new people. Filling their lives with fun and learning and meaning. And meeting someone who fills your life with meaning too.

I came to Warm Springs wanting to get away from everyone. But you blasted into my life like a firecracker in a bunny suit. And you made me want to get involved. Made me want to be someone I didn’t think I was.

The rocklike lump expands in my throat as my eyes brim with tears, the words becoming fuzzy again. I sniff and refocus.

You’re full of joy, but I’d just bring you down.

And I wish you’d realize how amazing you are. You don’t need to go around pleasing people and trying to make them happy to get them to like you. Everyone likes you because you’re you.

So if you ever need to stand up to someone, you should do it with no fear of not being liked.

You’re so smart, and beautiful, and driven to make people’s lives better that you can’t fail to succeed.

Thank you for making my life so much better than I ever thought it could be this last week.

I know you’ll find your own Sir Percival before too long.

Just make sure he really fucking deserves you.

G.

I let my head fall forward, and two giant tears splat onto the note, slowly spreading the ink.

Then something else rises inside me, overpowering the sadness and the heartbreak.

A hot streak of frustration.

If Gabe were here in front of me right now I’d shake him or beat my fists on his chest or grab him by the beard and kiss him till he saw sense.

I take the letter in both hands and hold it up in front of my face.

“Who are you to tell me how I should act and behave? You won’t even be honest with your parents! You lost the one friend you have. And now you’ve pushed me away too. You can’t live life alone like this. You can’t.”

I get to my feet and wipe my eyes on my coat sleeve.

The decorations on the front lawn look so pathetic now. The daylight and emptiness of the house shows them for the bad joke that they are. The organ-grinding monkey is paused mid-grind with his grinning mouth wide open. There’s bird poop on the zebra’s red sweater. And one of the elves has fallen on its side and is lying there, staring up at the cold blue sky.

Might as well pack everything up while I’m here. He never wanted it anyway.

I shove the letter into my pocket and stomp over the frozen snow on the lawn.

“If you want to go around giving advice,” I yell at imaginary Gabe as I yank one of the other elves out of the lawn and lay it next to the fallen one, “you need to prove you can make good decisions about how to deal with people yourself first. Turning yourself into an island. An island of Grump. Grump Island. That’s no way to live.”

I grab the next elf. “Mr. Miserable Grump on Grump Island full of grumpiness and living off meals of nothing but grump and fries. That’s you.”

This elf won’t shift. Its spike is stuck in the ground.

“How dare you tell me how to stand upto other people when you won’t even take a stand with your mom and dad about Christmas?”

I tug harder. The elf shifts a tiny bit.

“Just because you gave me the best orgasms in the history of the orgasm universe doesn’t give you the right to?—”

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