“You're not going anywhere for the holidays?” he asked with genuine concern in his voice.
“Where would I go, Rhys?” I responded softly, giving him a knowing look that he deciphered instantly. Guilt and embarrassment swept over his features.
“Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't think…God, I'm so stupid,” he muttered, cheeks bright red. “I just hate the thought of you holed up by yourself for Christmas.”
I waved off his worries, not wanting to think about how that had been my reality for the last few years. “Don't apologize. It's not a big deal, I swear. What about you? You're heading up to spend it with your Gran, yeah?”
“Yeah. My last final is on Friday, so I'll leave early Saturday morning. I think Micah's leaving that morning too.”
“Your roommate, right? What's he doing for the break?” I asked to make conversation, but in the back of my mind I thought about how Rhys hadn't ever introduced me to this Micah guy, even though he was supposedly one of Rhys' best friends. Was he ashamed of me?
Of course he is. Why wouldn't he be ashamed of the man who fucking bullied him and hurt him over and over? He's probably friends with you because Rhys has too big a heart to toss you out on your ass.
“He's actually taking Bash with him up to Colorado to spend it with his family. I'm so freaking glad they finally pulled their heads out of their butts and realized how perfect they are together,” Rhys chuckled, pulling me from the loathsome thoughts that bombarded my head.
“Right,” I replied absently. “How's Micah doing by the way? After the concussion thing, I mean.”
“He's recovered fully, thank God. That was an experience Ineverwant to relive again. He better be happy I'm not squeamish around blood otherwise I would have been completely worthless to him that day, you know?”
“I hear you. So do you wanna head o?—”
“You should come with me,” Rhys' blurted out. I blinked at him, confused by the sudden change in subject.
“Come with you where? Your apartment?”
Rhys chewed on his bottom lip and I was curious why he seemed nervous all of a sudden. “No. I mean come with me to Oklahoma for Christmas.”
My eyebrows shot up and all I could do was stare at him. Out of all the things he could have said, I hadn't expected that.
“For real? Will your Gran even be okay with that? Don't feel like you have to invite me because you're worried about me or whatever.” I wanted to give him an out in case he was only doing this out of pity, but I couldn't stifle that flare of hope that he really wanted me there.
“Are you kidding? Gran would love it. She lives to play hostess for people. She'll probably end up liking you more than me,” he laughed nervously. “But…I'm inviting you because I want you to come. You don't deserve to be stuck here alone for the holiday. Come with me. Please?”
He looked so earnest that it made my heart squeeze. I wasn't able to deny him anything.
“Sure, I'll come. My last exam is also on Friday, so I can be ready whenever you want the next morning.”
“Perfect! I'm a morning person, so I like to hit the road no later than eight if that's cool. Fair warning, we'll also definitely be hitting a Starbucks first because I'll be useless without caffeine. It's not a pretty sight, I assure you. I can't wait to show you my hometown! It's like a Hallmark movie around Christmas time. You're going to love it, I swear!” Rhys rambled on excitedly. He shot me a wide, bright smile that made my heart stutter out a strange rhythm.
It was disconcerting how he had the power to throw me off-balance, have me scrambling to figure out all these godforsaken new feelings he brought out in me. At the same time, I had never felt more centered and whole than when I was with him.
He snuffed out everything I thought I knew about myself, but awakened things in me I never knew existed. He was a poison and the antidote all at once. A beautiful paradox.
20
RHYS
“Oh my god Cal, I swear I will roast your chestnuts on an open fire if you don't pick a song already and let it play!” I threatened as he flipped past yet another song within the first few bars. He'd been trying to pick a song for the last six minutes and we'd only hear about fifteen seconds of music before he was moving on to the next. It was a particular brand of torture and I was seriously contemplating just shoving him out the passenger door. No jury in the world would convict me when they found out how far I'd been pushed. I was 99% confident about that.
“Hey, you're the one who said the passenger plays DJ, so suck it up, Sweetness. I'm trying to cultivate the perfect road trip mood. You can't rush these things,” Cal said smoothly, his eyes never leaving his phone screen while he scrolled through Spotify.
“What's wrong with Christmas music?” I grumbled.
“Nah, that's too predictable. I'm thinking of something a bit more classic. Maybe get a little carpool karaoke going. Are you a singer? You look like a singer. What's your jam? Boy bands or some Miley perhaps?” Cal guessed and I saw his teasing smirk out of the corner of my eye.
“I don't sing,” I said shortly, and Cal hummed in disbelief next to me.
“I don't buy it. You definitely give shower diva vibes. I can just see you belting out some showtunes in there.”