Page 69 of Unforgivable

“Way to stereotype the gay guy,” I snorted.

“Rude. That's just uncalled for. Can a pansexual man even stereotype a gay man? I feel like Google would know. We should probably look that up. Also don't go knocking showtunes! I can defy gravity with the best of them. Oh! I found it. The perfect song,” Cal chattered away. Two cups of coffee wasn't enough to keep up with him today, and it was making my head spin.

“What are you on, Hawkins? Did you spike your Starbucks with cocaine or something? Good grief,” I griped, feeling grumpy but secretly entertained by his playfulness. It was incredible to see Cal so uninhibited and comfortable, especially after all the crap we'd weathered together recently.

We were still working through stuff with Cal being endlessly patient whenever lingering resentment or hurt flared up. I was understandably still cautious. Some days it felt like we were on fragile ground, trying to rebuild what was broken, but in some ways our friendship felt like the most sure and steady thing in my life.

In a way wholly apart from Micah and Fin, Cal had genuinely become my best friend. We never ran out of things to talk about, our teasing was merciless yet respectful, and even if I had spent several hours with him for days on end, I still wanted more. As terrifying a notion as it was, I didn't think I'd ever get enough of Cal.

“I'm appalled by your accusation, Evans. That shit is illegal and I am a good, wholesome boy who would never stoop so low as to taint my body with recreational drugs. I thought you knew me by now,” Cal tsked, shaking his head slowly with his hand dramatically clutched to his chest. For all the taunting he did about me being a nerd, this weirdo could rival even Fin and Micah's antics. I shot him a blank, unamused stare when we stopped at a red light, the struggle to keep a straight face dang near impossible.

I could see the cracks in his neutral expression, the twitch of his eyebrow and the faintest hint of a lip turning up showed me I just had to hold out a little longer. A car horn honked loudly behind us, sending us both jumping in our seats and drawing out my trademark startled yelp. That was all it took for us to crack and fall apart.

I fought to focus on driving in a straight line as we both howled with laughter. Our reactions were way out of proportion for how funnyit actually was, but every time one of us would get close to stopping, the other would snort and elicit a new stream of cackles from us both. I threw a quick glance over at Cal, and his red face and beaming smile as he attempted to calm down had my stomach squirming and my heart beating frantically. My determination to lock down my feelings for him was slipping more each day. When Cal had confessed that he was falling for me, I had nearly passed out in a dramatic display that would have made Scarlett O'Hara proud. Fortunately, the absolute panic that drenched me had kept me rooted to my seat and my dignity intact.

It wasn't that I didn't want him. I had never dreamed I'd be lucky enough to hear those words from him, but I wasn't ready. We had been friends for all of two minutes when it all fell apart and we had so much work to do to be better. That had to be the priority. Plus my heart had been too wounded and weary to allow him back in. It just wasn't meant to be. Cal pushing me towards Adam at the library had been proof enough that he would agree with me. It hurt more than I expected to hear him practically tell me to move on with someone else, but it was the right call.

That was all there was to it. Callum and I were only destined to be friends. Even if my poor, abused heart screamed at me for more.

“Alright, where were we?” Cal commented after he'd caught his breath. “Ah yes! I present to you the perfect road trip song.”

Soft, twangy guitar chords drifted through the speakers that were instantly recognizable. The melody wrapped around me with dreamy nostalgia, creating visions of that dark desert highway.

“I love this song,” I voiced, unconsciously swaying to the beat. I hummed along, unwilling to let Cal hear my scratchy singing voice that I loathed.

“Of course you do, Sweetness. It's one of the best rock songs ever written. See? Perfection achieved,” he stated proudly. He started to croon along with the lyrics in a raspy, sexy voice. Part of me was outraged that he somehow sounded like that when he'd also been born with that face and athletic ability. There was no freaking justice in the world.

A deeper part of me was totally entranced and as Cal sang of pretty boys and sweet summer sweat, my pulse quickened and I felt color flood my face. Thinking about facing the next week with him had me worried for my sanity if this was how it would go. Like the sultryvoice sang, I also thought to myselfthis could be Heaven or this could be Hell.

“It's such a beautiful song considering it's all about a guy's drug addiction,” I commented to deflect from my reaction to him.

“Ahh, but see, the song was about so much more than that. It was about indulgence and self-destruction, but there was also sociopolitical commentary woven in about the excessive American lifestyle. And underneath all that it can also be seen as the man's youth and naïveté being corrupted. It's fascinatingly complex,” Cal passionately explained and not for the first time, I was riveted by his captivating mind. Apparently, it was too much to ask the universe that he would be an idiot on top of being a hot singing jock.

“The next time you accuse me of being a nerd, I'm going to remind you of this moment…freak,” I snarked, but he merely winked at me and continued to sing. That single wink had a direct line to my dick.

I. Am. Doomed.

Eventually, Cal's serenading grew more insistent as he leaned toward me, getting more into the music as it played. His over-the-top singing finally fractured my resolve, and we belted out the final chorus together before Cal broke out his air guitar moves.

The remaining five hours of the car ride were filled with more laughter, banter, snacks, and even singalongs to my great displeasure. To his credit, Cal never made fun of my horrendous singing, but that might have been self-preservation more than anything. He probably figured I could easily pull a Thelma and Louise moment and drive us over a cliff if he didn't tread carefully.

I normally hated the drive to Oklahoma because it was boring as heck to spend nearly six hours alone in a car, but Cal made the time fly and I silently wished that it didn't have to end. By the time we pulled up to Gran's house, it was just past lunchtime and we were ravenous. Knowing Gran, she'd have a giant feast of options for us because that woman never did anything half-assed, particularly when there were guests involved.

I turned off the car and stared up at my childhood home, wondering what Cal would think of it. “Well, this is it. Casa Evans. You want to go in and meet Gran first, then come back for our stuff?” I asked, but when Cal didn't answer me I turned to look at him. He was pale in his seat, a worried expression plastered to his gorgeous face.

“Umm, you okay? You gonna faint or puke or something?” I said cautiously. He just sat there, unmoving. “Cal?”

“What if she hates me?” he blurted out, snapping his gaze to mine. “What if she doesn't like that you brought me along? I mean, I've never been introduced to someone's family before. I'm not exactly the “bring home to mom” type of guy, you know? Does it make it better or worse that she's your grandmother? Are they easier than moms? Shit, maybe you shouldn't have brought me.”

His anxious rambling was so endearing and adorable that my heart pinched tight in my chest, and a smile escaped me. I wanted to wrap my arms around him, bury my nose in his neck, and slow his heartbeat with my touch. Shaking off that insane urge, I gripped his shoulder gently.

“Hey, you have nothing to worry about. Gran will love you and is so happy you're spending the holidays with us. I've never brought anyone home with me before, so trust me when I say she was crazy excited,” I chuckled, but Cal pinned me with an inquisitive look.

“You've never brought someone home before?” He asked softly, his voice low and a tiny bit rough.

I fought against the shiver that worked its way down my spine from the intensity of his stare. “Nope. Just you,” I responded quietly.

“Why?” Cal questioned, those sharp eyes of his locked with mine.

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