Page 32 of Unforgivable

There was something beautiful and real in the man behind the mask. For now, Hawk didn't exist to me. I was choosing to see him as Cal, just Cal. I simply had to be careful until I was either proven right…or I ended up ruined from being proven terribly wrong.

Well, no time like the present to test out my completely unreasonable, incredibly idiotic theory about this gorgeous, potential sociopath.

The walk was tense and heavy with all my uncertainties and Cal's troubles hanging between us. He kept his distance, walking at least a couple feet off to my side. It was like his moment of vulnerability in asking me to talk had to be corrected with physical space. That was all well and good, except for the pit forming in the bottom of my stomach because of it.

I followed Cal into a hole in the wall joint that I didn't catch the name of. He steered us to a booth in the back corner and I was oddly grateful for it. Maybe if he felt like we had decent privacy, he would open up and let me in even a little. All I wanted was a glimpse of who Cal really was when he wasn't Hawk, The Lacrosse God.

Yep. People actually called him that. I know. I can't make this crap up.

The silence that stretched between us was palpable, like I could reach out and pull it like taffy. He hadn't made eye contact with me yet, and I was beginning to think he'd changed his mind about talking with me at all. Just as I opened my mouth to say something, a perky blonde waitress appeared.

“Hey guys, how's it going? Can I get ya started with anything to drink? Maybe an appetizer?” she asked, her smile sweet and cheerful.

“Can I just get a Corona with lime, chips and salsa, and whatever he'd like to drink. All on one bill please,” Cal answered before looking at me expectantly for my order.

“Um, a Corona for me too,” I said quickly. She sashayed off to grab our drinks and I warily brought my gaze up to Cal's. He was fidgeting with his fingers, avoiding my eyes again. I felt a spark of irritation that he seemed to be ignoring me after asking me here for a reason. I cleared my throat and squirmed uncomfortably in my seat.

“Cal—”

“You're the only one who calls me that, you know?” He murmuredunder his breath. He was so quiet I almost missed what he said, but his words caught me off guard.

“Oh…should I stop?” I asked, confused.

“No. I haven't had anyone call me that in a long time,” he said softly, his dark brows pinched together as he continued to stare at the table. “I don't know why, but I…like it when you call me Cal.”

I was stunned at his admission, especially since he sounded pained to say it. I didn't get to respond before our drinks and chips were brought out, and Cal finally met my eyes.

“Are you close with your family?” he asked, his face weirdly blank. It felt like my brain was glitching because I was unprepared for his question and wary about why he was asking. Did he truly want to know or was he trying to find out information that could somehow be used against me later? I'd had experience with people trying to get close to me and then using the secrets I'd shared to cause me pain. However, I decided to take a stupid leap of faith.

“Well, it's just my Gran, but yes. I'm extremely close with her. Why do you ask?” I replied, not breaking the contact that seemed so evanescent, but significant in this moment. Cal merely nodded, his face giving nothing away.

“Where are you parents?” he asked quietly, head tilted in curiosity.

This conversation was quickly veering into uncomfortable territory considering I'd come here to talk abouthim. However, perhaps a little give-and-take was needed to draw him out of his shell.

“I lost them when I was ten. Car accident,” I sighed, trying like hell to compartmentalize and not let the ache of that statement hit me. I hadn't talked about my mom and dad in such a long time that even a flicker of memory was like a gut punch.

Cal's face crumpled as his brows furrowed, a swirling torrent of emotion clear across his features. “You're an orphan too?” His voice was rough and low, but his tone didn't seem offensive.

“That's a little too Charles Dickens for me, but yeah. Guess you could say that,” I muttered, sipping my beer and avoiding his intense scrutiny. It took me a second for it to click in my head what his question implied. “Wait. Too? You…also lost your parents?”

His chest heaved with a deep breath, but those mismatched eyes stayed latched on mine. I could see the answer there without him uttering a syllable, but I wanted…needed to hear it.

“My mom had Ovarian cancer. She died right after I turnedeleven. I don't really have a dad,” Cal confessed in a gruff whisper. My heart clenched at his words, sympathy for him striking me in the twin wound I shared with him. The rational part of my mind lit up with thoughts that this was the reason for Cal's behavior, my brain fighting to find the logical cause behind his callous actions so far.

Guilt filled my gut thinking about the comment I made about his mommy issues that first night. I just had to go and open my big fat mouth. I knew it didn't justify the things he'd done to me, but this revelation was putting him into context and made it difficult to hate him as much as before. It was a tragic thread that tenuously connected us. It probably made me a sick person, but I liked that we shared something, even something as terrible as that.

“I'm so sorry, Cal,” I replied gently. “Were you close with your mom before she passed?”

He took a long swig from his bottle and started peeling at the label as he spoke. “My mom was my best friend. She had me pretty young and raised me alone even though her parents had wanted her to give me up.”

“But why? Was it just because she was so young?”

The look on his face was one of embarrassed discomfort. “Partly, but I wasn't exactly conceived in the…best circumstances. My mom got mixed up in something she shouldn't have and got pregnant with me. She also had to drop out of UT to have me. My dad basically became just a sperm donor and never acknowledged me as his son. She told me that from the second the strip turned pink she loved me. There was no giving me up and she was determined to make it work. Our life wasn't perfect by any means, but we were everything to each other.”

His eyes grew glossy and I had to fight the stifling urge to grab his hand and provide him what little comfort I could. “What happened after she…I mean, who did you live with after that?” I cringed internally, not wanting to pull up painful memories for him, but I was eager to learn more. I wanted to peel back every layer of him I could until I saw everything he hid from the world.

“My aunt and uncle took me in. My grandparents had been gone for a long time and they were the only family I had left. Growing up, I loved my Uncle Jack and he was always good to me. My Aunt Blair…well, she was always distant and I never saw too much of her, but I thought that living with them might be a good thing. I'd have a family again. Didn't exactly turn out that way,” Cal said bitterly, his eyes hardening and jaw clenching.

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