Page 20 of Unforgivable

“Apparently my software needs an update. So, basically what you're saying is this guy is a sexy AF bully that is pressing all your buttons, and you're having a crisis of conscience because you like his fingers on your buttons even though you literally turned him in for pressing them in the first place. Now you're kind of starting to like him, but you know it's going to end badly if you keep letting him near all your buttons while he presses them willy-nilly. Did I miss anything?” Fin rushed out in one breath, eyes pinned to mine.

“Um. Nope. That's pretty much it,” I confessed, feeling fifty shades of stupid after recounting the whole thing.

Fin nodded his head with a solemn look, like he was contemplating my situation with the utmost care. As humiliating as it was to be discussing this, it was a relief to get it off my chest. Even if Fin told me I was an extraordinary idiot for giving Hawk a second of my time, I couldn't regret confiding in someone.

“Huh…well the way I see it, he's either a total sociopath or he's a cocky jock with some serious anger issues.”

“And the difference would be?” I snickered.

Fin raised an eyebrow at me. “If he's the former, you're stupendously screwed. I'd recommend witness protection.”

“Fantastic advice on that one. Thanks,” I said sardonically, eyes rolling at the suggestion.

“But if he's the latter, then you have a real chance,” he said, leveling me with a steady gaze.

“A real chance for what?” I asked curiously. Fin sent me a knowing look.

“A chance to change his mind. Maybe see what's under all that growly, mean boy armor and get to know him. There might be a reason you're so drawn to him despite his colossal dickitude. It's possible he's drawn to you too.”

I couldn't stifle the snort that flew out of me. The idea that Hawk was drawn to me for any reason other than premeditated murder or target practice was laughable.

And yet you keep on texting him like a twelve-year-old girl using her first cell phone. You are just making delightful life choices here, Rhys. At this rate your graduation photo will be featured on a telephone pole, you utter buffoon.

“Let me ask you something. Why did you continue to talk to him even after he touched you in class? Yeah, you liked it—bravo for you by the way, kinky twinky,” Fin teased, waggling his eyebrows at me. My cheeks flushed with heat at his comment. “But you also knew it was a fucked up thing for him to do. Honestly, he lucked out that you didn't smash his dick with your textbook! So there had to be a reason you kept talking to him all this week, right?”

It was a fair question and one I had been wrestling with since Hawk texted me last Saturday. I didn't fully have an answer that made sense to me, but I tried to put it into words.

“I'd like to say it's because I wanted to show him he couldn't get to me so easily. I've been a target for guys like him since I was a kid, and Iswore to myself that I'd never be one again. But with Hawk…” I paused, unsure of how to answer.

Fin waited patiently, smiling softly at me in encouragement as I struggled to put my chaotic thoughts in order.

“With Hawk, something feels different. Yes, he's inappropriate and crude at times to get a rise out of me, but he also had actual conversations with me this week. He asked about me and even made me laugh sometimes, and it just seemed…effortless. Nothing I said rattled him. He just went with it. I have this gut feeling that there's so much more there, and the risk of what he could do almost seems worth it to find out,” I admitted quietly. It took me a few minutes before I worked up the nerve to meet his eyes again.

I saw no judgment when he looked at me, only understanding and sympathy. “I get it. I really do. Just…” Fin trailed off and shot me a worried glance, his bottom lip set firmly between his teeth.

“Just what?”

He let out a deep sigh and fiddled with the blanket over his lap. “Just be careful until you find out if you can trust your gut feeling about him. There might be something really great about him like you hope, but anger has a way of burying the good parts of a person and leaving a lot of damage behind. Trust me, I know that better than most,” Fin finished barely above a whisper, a dejected look passing so quickly across his face that I thought I imagined it.

I reached out to cover Fin's hand with mine. His face melted into a small, sweet smile and clasped my hand in both of his. “Thank you for trusting me enough to talk to me about this,” he said, squeezing my hand.

“Thank you for talking me through everything and not judging me for some of the more…shameful details,” I responded awkwardly.

“There's nothing shameful about how you reacted to what he did. It certainly wasn't an ideal situation, but you can't control your body's pleasure. Don't beat yourself up over it,” Fin told me gently, nudging me in the shoulder.

I couldn't do more than nod my acknowledgment. Looking back on why I didn't stop him, it was like I had known deep down I was actually safe with him. It made no sense in light of what I knew about him and how he reacted the first night we met, but even in his taunting he had given me an out. He gave me several outs that I didn't take because Iwanted it. I wanted the illicit thrill of that moment regardless of everything.

I focused on what Fin had told me and tried not to let myself spiral over the pleasure I took from Hawk's devious touch. I just needed to keep my guard up around him until I figured out if my instinct was right.

Despite my hope and the feeling in my gut that there was something special about him, I couldn't fight the voice in my head that told me I was going to regret every minute of knowing Callum Hawkins.

6

CALLUM

Any worry I had of Rhys growing a spine and telling me to fuck off to the ends of the Earth faded by the second day. Now after a solid week of texts ranging from playful to serious to downright scandalous, I was confident I had him primed and ready for my next trick.

I had taken a serious gamble in that classroom with him, but he gave off nerdy virgin vibes like it was a fucking cologne he sprayed on, so I couldn't resist testing my theory. The way he had responded to my touch and dirty words had been beautifully pathetic. It was exactly the reaction I expected from him and it only made me want to push the envelope more. He was so touch-starved and needy that I was pretty certain I could push him to his limits and still have him begging for more.

---