Page 196 of House of Lilith

“Well,” I start, “where I come from, we also have amadáns.” It makes me pleased when I see I have her attention. “Hooligans who gather in gangs and pretend they’re Robin Hoods. My brother Sean is one of them. He’s fifteen, the youngest, and there’s a lot of hatred in him, hatred he can’t seem to get under control, so when he loses it…”

I shake my head and let out a sigh. “Serious shit happens. So every once in a while, I have to go running to stop him and I never know what I’m in for or how long it’ll take me. And I can’t even count how many times this has happened, but if you want, I can tell you all about his individual rampages or anything else in however much detail you want.”

“What aboutyou?” she asks, the touch of disapproval in her voice making a knife twist in my stomach. “What aboutyouranger? What about that time I saw you in the cafeteria, making that guy beg you not to hurt him? Isthathow you normally behave, when you’re not putting on an act?”

And it hurts, what she’s asking me, but right now, I’m more grateful to be getting another question. So I grit my teeth and I say with a bitter smile, “You’ve had the pleasure of meeting my fox, haven't you?”

There’s a flash of something in her eyes, but I don’t let it deter me. “Well, he’s a powerful animal, and the more power they have, the harder it is to keep them under control. I’ve always taken it very seriously, though. And Ididhave it under control, untilyoucame along and suddenly, all he wanted to do was run around trying to take a whiff of you,” I say with a bitter little laugh.

She rolls her eyes as if she doesn’t believe me and I force myself to turn serious again. “But it wasn’t an actual problem, until you invited me to your room.”

Now that makes both her skin flush with embarrassment and her ears prick up with interest.

“Afterthatnight, well…” I shake my head. “I went overboard trying to deny my feelings for you, in doing so I damaged my relationship with my fox, and we both went off the rails. And I’m still working on it…”

I pause to look deeper into her eyes. “But it’s the first time it's ever happened like that and itwillbe the last.”

She lets out a scoff. “What about the time your ex cheated on you?”

“No,” I say with a frown and a determined shake of my head. “I was hurt, of course. I did care about Aisling. And she did do it with my then best friend, which only made it hurt more. But my fox and I, there was nothing more than a week-long fallout between us after that. Nothing even remotely like this.”

This time, once I’m done talking, she stays silent, making me fear I haven’t really answered the question.

I get up and I see her shake her head and take a step back, but I’m not giving up.

“You’ve got to understand, Nyx,” I plead as I come to stand in front of her, “my ex is not some cartoon villain. She’s a well-meaning girl, one I pushed away by refusing to get serious about stuff. Something I wasn’t willing to do with her, butwantto do withyou.”

I pause before I say, guessingthismight be the thing she really wants to know, “So if you’re asking if I’m still hung up on her, she’s nothing more than a fading memory of what was never even meant to be.”

And I get a little ahead of myself and I try to take her in my arms, only for her to shoot me a nasty look.

“If you’re so in love with me,” she demands as she squints at me, “how come the only two times I saw you after the Fourth Game, you had your nose up some other girl’s skirt?”

“I was trying to get a reaction out of you,” I say in a fervent voice, shaking my head and waving my hands around in frustrated helplessness, “that’s all that was.”

She frowns at me and I understand I might not be taking this conversation slow enough, but she’s single again and she did let me in and it’s all making me feel an overwhelming impatience.

I take a step closer, leaning a little to say in a low, rushed voice, my excitement growing when I see she’s not pulling away, “Come on, Nyx. I’ve been desperate for your attention since the moment you first looked into my eyes, and that’s something you’ve known for quite some time, maybe even from the very beginning. If you hadn’t, you wouldn’t have acted the way you did.”

She takes a step back, frowning. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she says.

And it does seem honest, but it still makes me let out a laugh, saying, “Don’t play dumb.”

That earns me a nasty little look, but I don’t care. I take a step closer and she takes one back, now refusing to look at me. “When you invited me up here, before the Fourth Game,” I say, dropping my voice and trying to catch her eye, “to seduce me into answering your questions, you want to say youdidn’talready feel you had me wrapped around your finger?”

I do another step closer and she does another step back, still refusing to look at me.

“Want to go further back?” I insist, my voice even lower but more fervent. “When you slinked into the Elevator with me, the night of the Ball, to make your little proposal, you want to say youdidn’tknow I wouldn’t be able to say no to you? Huh? Right after I almost got into a full-blown fight with fucking Aalders because of you?” I let out a rough little laugh. “Come on.”

Finally, she locks eyes with me. And for a second, she stays silent, before she frowns and says, pensively and with a touch of defiance, “I’m not playing dumb. It’s just…”

I hold my breath.

“I guess sometimes it’s hard to see the difference between what youwantand whatis.”

It makes my heart beat faster, the implication that this might be something she actuallydoeswant.

But then she just folds her arms again, gritting her teeth. For some unknown goddamn reason, I think to myself, she still doesn’t seem to believe me when I say it’s whatIwant.

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