Page 41 of A Debt of Darkness

It’s got to stop.

It’s going to be the thing that destroys me.

It’s making me melt for him and I can’t accept my reaction.

Henry’s head leans forward as his touch presses harder and he tries to force me to shatter.

I scream and whip my hand across his face and the slap sounds out, echoing off the hard, cold cell walls. Our eyes widen simultaneously and he stares at me, furious and wounded. I shake and pull my hands over my face, curling into a tiny ball and wishing I wasn’t facing this.

He draws back and stands, backing away from me.

“That was badly done, pet.” His voice trembles and it’s another sign I’ve hurt him. “I admire your fire, but it needs taming. It needs controlling. It’ll only lead to destruction otherwise. You will obey me and you will accept your place.”

I pull my knees up closer to my chest and rock, soothing myself as the shock of what I’ve done sets in. I’ve hit him. Again. I struck him and he didn’t flinch. He didn’t meet myassault with one of his own. I can’t think straight, I can’t breathe, I can’t hold myself together.

It’s too much and not nearly enough.

It’s everything and nothing.

And I want this to end. I need this to end.

The door creaks on its hinges and Henry’s footsteps sound on the cold stone floor.

“Call for me, pet. Call for your Master or something he can provide and this ends.”

My heart shatters as the door slams shut and the key turns in its lock. I’m alone again and it’s devastating. Henry knows it’s crushing me. He knows it’s distressing. He’s perfectly willing to manipulate me and make me dependent on him.

He’s trying to convince me he’s the only way out of this hellhole. He wants me to believe there’s no other option. That I only have one choice. That he’s my only escape from the nightmare he’s created.

If I carry on like this, then Henry will break me. But there’s more than one solution and I must decide if I’m brave enough to take it. Courage is a choice and this is mine. I’ve found an alternative he didn’t consider and I lie down on the straw, pull a blanket over my head and contemplate if I’d rather starve than submit.

Hours pass and the door opens again.

I don’t move. I don’t respond when Henry asks how I’m doing.

He tells me he’s brought food and I stay still, ignoring the smell of chicken soup making my mouth water.

“Pet?”

I stiffen and force myself to stay still.

“I’ll leave the soup here.” Henry sighs. “You’re upset, but you have the control here, pet. This stops when you want it to.”

He leaves and I wait a few minutes, giving him time to return to wherever it is he’ll be watching me from. The cameras aren’t hidden. He wants me to know he can see everything. He stripped me of my privacy and my dignity when he locked me in here, and it’s another weapon in his arsenal.

I emerge from the blanket and slowly make my way to the soup. I pick the bowl up, cup it in my hands and enjoy its warmth for a few brief moments—and then I look up at the camera and pour it on the floor.

I retreat under the blanket and rest, accepting the fate I’ve chosen for myself. It’s the lesser of two evils and Henry can’t force me to eat. I’m hungry, but I’ve made my decision and he can’t take it from me. I haven’t given up and I haven’t given in. I’ve found a way to keep fighting and it’s a different kind of peace.

The hours pass and he doesn’t visit. It doesn’t matter.

I’ve found the certainty I was craving.

He can’t bend me, can’t break me. He sure as fuck can’t have me.

I won’t allow it.

I close my eyes and sleep, ignoring the hungry growls of my stomach. They’ll settle soon and a shorter but harder sentence is better than a drawn-out affair. It’ll be a kinder ending, a quicker passing. It’ll be over sooner and I’ll never have to see him again.

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