Page 71 of My Heart to Find

“Snide?” Jana mutters. “Hardly snide. She’s blatantly direct about it. And being such a bitch, I might add.”

River makes a huffing sound. “Look, I’m just being a friend here—”

“A friend?” I exclaim.

“Yeah, telling you what everyone else is thinking. Because you’re obsessed with this idea that you’re ill and you’re even getting other people to pay for these appointments and things that you don’t need.”

My shoulders tighten, and I feel my bottom lip wobble. A tell-tale sign I’m going to cry. And that just makes me angry—because if I cry, I’m proving to River that I am weak.

“Hey, that’s enough,” Jana says.

“Oh, come on!” River rolls her eyes. “Look, Cara, babe, what you need is a shrink. You need therapy.” She holds up her hands.

“I havethree.” I stare at her dryly.

“Cara is ill,” Jana says.

“I actually have a disease.”

“Yeah, one that’s all in your head.”

“So whatif it was in her head?” Jana shoves the laptop to one side and stands up. “Is this how you’d treat me if I had a mental illness?”

“Nah, because I knowyouwouldn’t behave like this.” River laughs. “You’ve never been an attention-seeker.”

“Neither has Cara,” Jana says, her tone flat.

“Really?” River smirks. “Look at what she was like at school—always wanting to have your undivided attention, Jana. And, you, Cara, you never liked me because you knew I could see exactly what you are.”

“I’m going to go,” I say, standing up. My heart’s ponding.

“No, you’re not going anywhere,” Jana says, and she holds out an arm in front of me, like she’s physically trying to stop me from leaving. I recoil away from her arm. Jana turns on River. “You’regoing to go.”

“Uh, what?” River looks outraged. “I live here.”

“It’s my mum’s flat,” Jana hisses. “And I can find a much better roommate than you.”

River snorts. “Like her?” She shoots me a dagger-look. “Just you wait. Cara will have you being her nurse or something. God, why am I only the only one able to see her lies?”

“She’s not lying.” Jana’s whole body shakes with each word. “River, pack your things. I want you out by this end of this evening. I’ve had enough. You’re no friend of mine when you treat Cara like that.”

*

IT’S WEIRD SITTINGin Jana’s kitchen without River giving me mocking looks. She stormed out moments after Jana told her to leave. Said she’d be back later once Jana had ‘seen sense.’ Meanwhile, Jana’s packing River’s things for her.

“I can’t believe how much shit she has,” Jana shouts from River’s room.

“Yeah,” I say, and I sound pathetic. But my heart’s still pounding from the confrontation, and I feel sick. “Do you think she actually will leave? Like, won’t she do something to stop you?”

“Like what? Girl, she’s going. I’m telling you.”

The sounds of bags rustling fills the flat and then Jana appears in the kitchen, dumping two bin-liners of clothes on the kitchen floor.

“That’ll do for now.”

“Thanks,” I say.

“What for?”

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