Page 64 of My Heart to Find

“DO YOU THINK THAT’Sokay?” I hand the laptop to Damien.

He reads it quietly, then he nods, handing it back to me.

I stare at the page, then click publish.

“How are you so nice?” he asks. He’s sitting next to me at the kitchen table, and he looks uneasy. To be honest, I’m not even sure what is going on between us. This last week has been weird. We see each other and we talk and that—but we have yet to kiss.

I’m starting to wonder if it’s going to happen at all. I mean, this morning when I answered the door, and he came in here, things just felt...weird?

“What?” I frown as I realize he’s staring at me.

“You’re just such a nice person,” he says. “Like, doing all this for Cara.”

“Of course. She’s my best friend.”

He nods, then runs a hand through his hair. He looks nervous.

“You okay?” I ask.

He nods again.

My phone pings. A message from Trevor. I’m meeting him later so he can get more details of mine and Lizzy’s sudden dismissal fromThe Red Panda. He thinks we have some sort of case, especially when there’s sexism—and racism, in Lizzy’s case—involved and wants all the facts ready for his brother. But, again, we need proof, and now it’s all down to Phia. She’s still employed by Mr. Richards, and I hate seeing her go in to work on her own now. She said Mr. Richards hasn’t hired anyone to replace me and Lizzy, somehow just expecting her to do all our work too. She hasn’t even had a pay rise and she’s expected to be there at all hours. He barely lets her have any breaks.

I read Trevor’s message. It’s the time and place we’re meeting this afternoon.

“Um, Jana?”

I look up at Damien.

“Yeah?” I set my phone back on the table. He’s frowning, looking sad and sincere. My heart jumps into my throat. “What is it?”

“It’s...” He swallows visibly, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. “It’s you and me...this. We’re friends, right?”

Friends?

“Well, yeah,” I say.

He nods. “Because I don’t think I can be more than friends with you—and I feel terrible, like I’m stringing you along.”

For a second, everything goes numb. Just—everything. It’s like I don’t exist. Like I’m not here. Like there’s nothing to me. I’ve disappeared, gone.

But then feeling floods back. A hot torrent shooting up both my legs, up my torso, to my head. My lungs seem to tighten, and my throat’s too thick all of a sudden.

I swallow quickly and clear my throat. “Of course we’re just friends.” I laugh. “We’re not together—I mean, we haven’t even kissed!” My laugh gets louder. It’s so obviously forced, and I can tell he knows it.

“I just... I’m sorry.” He gets up. “I should go.”

I don’t stop him. I just stare after him as tears fill my eyes. I don’t even try and stop them from spilling.

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