Page 62 of My Heart to Find

“I like your eyes,” I say back, and wow, it sounds kind of hollow, like I’m just repeating what he said. But I do like his eyes. Ever since the first day I saw him, I’ve liked the intense blue of his eyes.

Damien’s fingers slide over mine. His touch is warm.

“I like you a lot, Cara. And it’s crazy—I didn’t think I’d find anyone I liked like this on this retreat. But I do like you. I just feel we’re connected. You feel it too, right?”

I nod. Of course I do. “And I really like you.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

Cara

AWEEK LATER, I TAKEmy last dose of antibiotics prescribed by Dr. Singh the Savior. It feels like a final moment. Like a line has been drawn in the sand and now I’m crossing it.

I’m going to be untreated again—and is it going to get worse? I mean, it’s already got worse. I can hardly remember anything. Damien hasn’t texted me—at least I don’t think he has—so I’m certain he’s chosen Jana over me. I haven’t answered Raymond’s calls because I just haven’t had the energy. Haven’t been able to draw because I can’t concentrate.

In fact, I can’t even remember what I’ve been doing. Other than reading—and even then it was hard to pay attention. Kept having to replay the chapter over and over.

I just feel so...lost. Like I’m floating in space, untethered, and no matter which direction I go, there’ll never be anyone there who can save me.

With a jolt, I recognize what this feeling is. What it’s the start of: the darkness. The monster.

I make my way into the kitchen. Esme’s eating an egg sandwich and the smell of it nearly has me throwing up.

“You don’t look good,” Mum says.

“I don’t feel it.”

Mum purses her lips, doesn’t say anything. I heard her and Dad talking yesterday. They only had enough money for three more months of prescriptions from Dr. Singh. And now that’s not even enough for the first consultation—let alone tests—with the new doctor. I never fully appreciated just how affordable Dr. Singh’s services were.

“Just rest,” Mum says.

“I’ll try.”

*

IEND UP TALKING TOJana. It makes me feel strange at first, because she got Damien and I didn’t. But she’s still my best friend. I know I do want her to be happy.

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