Page 23 of For Now

Oh my god. He’s going to try to kiss me. This cannot happen, no way. Oh, god, what do I do? Do something,Delilah!

He seemed to know what I was thinking because just as I was freaking out internally, he turned my face gently to the side and planted a kiss on my cheek. It was soft but deliberate. Itlingered.

“Thank you for telling me your secret, Delilah. It’s safe with me,” hesaid.

“I know,” I said andsmiled.

* * *

Three hours later,my eyes fluttered open and I realized we had fallen asleep on the couch together.Great.But I had to admit, it really was great. He was warm against me, my head leaning into his chest. How in the hell did we get like this? He smelled good.Oh my god, shut up. You are not helping yourself right now.Should I get up? Should I ask him to go home? I glanced at the clock and it was 2 a.m. I can’t ask him to leave right now, that would be so rude. It’s not like anything was happening. We were just sleeping. I should go back to sleep and deal with it in the morning. Obviously, we were going to need to cover no sleepovers. We were definitely not sleepoverfriends.

I lay here in the silence for a moment, smelling him and thinking. I couldn’t get that last text off my mind. I had thought about it every day since I received it. Not because it was particularly profound or revealing. Not because it wasn’t true or I didn’t already know it. But because it was terrifying to think someone was watching me this closely. For the life of me, I didn’t understand it. I had run so many scenarios in my head. Was Jeff watching me and just fucking with me? That sounded like something he would do. He’d grown to enjoy inflicting me with pain, though I hadn’t figured out why. Granted, before it was physical pain, but really what kind of leap was psychological pain from there? Not much, I ventured toguess.

He knows you better than you want himto,

but don’t be afraid. He’s right foryou.

What did the mystery texter know anyway? How would they know he’s right for me? It’s probably just someone’s idea of a sick joke. I just sort of wish they were done joking now. I looked up at him. He looked peaceful and content. Suddenly I became very aware that his right arm was down and around the left side of me. And his warmth against me was everything I wanted and everything I was resisting right now. Just as I was thinking these intense things, he shifted and shuffled and everything was bumpy for a moment until it settled back down but his eyes were open and he was looking down atme.

“Hi,” Iwhispered.

“Hi,” hesaid.

“You should know that it’s more or less the middle of the night and we should both be sleeping,” Isaid.

“So why aren’t we?” heasked.

“Well. Once I woke up, I was very aware that we had fallen asleep together on my couch and I couldn’t go back tosleep.”

“How long have you beenawake?”

“Um, according to the clock, about thirty minutes,” Isaid.

“You should go back to sleep. Do you want me to leave?” heasked.

“Oh, no, you don’t have to do that, especially at this hour,” I said.Jesus Christ. Why the hell do I literally say the exact opposite of what I’m thinking every singletime?!

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. We are only friends after all,” heteased.

“I’m not uncomfortable,” I said ratherflatly.

Samuel smiled the sort of smile that would’ve made me weak in the knees a long time ago before those parts of me died. I’m glad I could still recognize it though. Perhaps one day the want for it would be in me again. He gently pulled me in, sort of hugging me with the arm that was around me. And I didn’t know how I was feeling. Was he too close? Was this too much? If I was being completely honest with myself, the answer was both yes andno.

“Delilah?” hesaid.

“Yes?”

“Will you go somewhere with me?” heasked.

“Right now? It’s 2:30 a.m.,” Isaid.

“It’s not far,” hesaid.

I thought about it for a moment and then agreed to it. We sat up slowly. He led me out the front door by my hand and we started walking down the road toward a grouping of trees. I had never gone this way before but he was right. It was very close. We came to a small gap and he walked me onto a small path. A few steps later, we were standing on the most adorable little bridge that was built over a small stream. There was a lamp post close enough that it casted a soft light on us. I stood here, looking down into the ripples and smiling. Samuel reached up overhead and plucked a leaf from the overhangingbranch.

“I come here sometimes to think. Not many people know about it, so it’s quiet most of the time. I stand here and throw leaves in and watch the water carry them away,” hesaid.

“It’s lovely, Samuel,” I said, smiling athim.

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