Page 22 of For Now

“I don’t want to tell you. You’ll think I’mcrazy.”

“You might as well tell me now because I definitely already think you’re a little crazy.” He laughedagain.

“Okay, fine. I don’t like only having one fortune cookie to open. It feels too final. I need at least an option for a second one in case I don’t like the first one. It’s how I stay in control of my destiny,” Isaid.

“Your destiny?” He laughed. “It’s a fortune cookie, not a crystal ball. But, okay, you know what, that’s kind of cute. So I’ll tell you what. You can have mine if you don’t like yours.Deal?”

“Deal!” I said. I broke mine open, popped half of it in my mouth, and read. “You will meet many new people this year.” I rolled my eyes. “See that’s what I mean. Like what kind of fortune is that? Of course I will, I just moved,” Isaid.

“Fret not, my lady,” he said and handed over hiscookie.

I gave him the other half of my first cookie to eat while I broke his open. “The secrets you keep, keep you,” I said, swallowing hard. “Okay, well that’s not a fortune either,” I said, dismissingit.

“Sure it is. I think those are wise words. That’s a good one,” he said. “Don’t you have secrets,Delilah?”

“Doesn’t everyone?” Ireturned.

“Touché. I’ll tell you one of mine if you tell me one of yours,” hesaid.

“I don’t like this game,” Isaid.

“Oh, come on. It will be fun. Besides, isn’t that what friends are for? Sharing secrets?” heasked.

I rolled my eyes at him. He was using my own words against me and I didn’t like that either. “Fine. You first.” I crossed my arms over mychest.

He quieted for a second, thinking about the secret he was about to share. I saw a crease form in the center of his forehead and realized making him my friend made him no less attractive. Tonight he was wearing his glasses. I guessed he normally wore contacts but tonight he was more relaxed, more intimately presented, if that even makes sense. He’d worn sweatpants and a v-neck t-shirt with sneakers. He had a thin jacket that he’d taken and slung over a chair in thekitchen.

“Okay, before I start I need you to understand that I haven’t told anyone this. I mean, no one. Ever. You’ll be the first to know and probably the only one, too,” hesaid.

I nodded, staringintently.

“So about two years after my wife left me, I hired a private investigator to locate her. I had it in my head that I needed to make sure she was okay. And I needed to convince her to at least be in Mason’s life, even if she didn’t want to be in mine. Anyway, he does his thing for a few weeks and finds her. He reports back to me that she’s living a little south, not really too far away and that she’s got this whole new life. New job, new place to live, new man. New man! This is kind of the moment I stopped listening because I just couldn’t have imagined, you know? So the investigator sends over these photos of the two of them. They’re not high quality images but I can tell he just looks like your average guy, nothing special. Except he’s wearing a wedding ring. But she isn’t. So then I’m really confused and I asked the PI about it. He says the guy is married but spends more time with her than at home. And I can’t believe it. She leaves us behind, moves to start fresh only to be dating a married guy. I still don’t understand it even to this day. But after what he uncovered, it didn’t hurt anymore. You know? It just didn’t. I decided after that, that Mason and I were both better off without her. I was instantly over her as far as feeling anything for her was concerned,” he said, releasing asigh.

“Oh my god, Samuel. I’m so sorry, for all of that. I can’t believe she did that to you. To Mason. I don’t think I could ever just leave like that. Especially not my child. I could never understand someone who would do that,” I said as my arm instinctively found its way around mywaist.

“Yeah, well, it’s okay. Really. I have accepted it and let it go. Mason doesn’t even ask about her anymore,” he said. “Now it’s yourturn.”

I inhaled sharply.What on earth am I going to tell him?I sat back into the corner of the couch and thought deeply. I might as well tell someone. No one knew. I had kept it in all this time. Not even Emma knew. It might feel okay to tell someonenow.

“Okay. When I was married, I got pregnant. And then I lost her. You already know that part though,” I said. I had already told him that much before but speaking it out loud again still stung. Perhaps it alwayswould.

“Oh, Delilah...” hesaid.

“After the miscarriage, my husband became obsessed with trying again even though I didn’t want to. He started pushing it. He, uh, he forced me to….” My voice trailed off. I couldn’t finish saying it. I felt the dampness right underneath my eyes and looked down. I couldn’t look athim.

“Say it out loud, Delilah,” he said,encouragingly.

“He raped me.” I’d never said it out loud like that before. It felt…like a relief. Samuel didn’t say anything. He waited for me to go on. “He did it many times. Over a couple of years. I stopped fighting because it was easier,” I said, turning my facedownward.

“Look at me,” hesaid.

I managed to turn my face up. I was partially coiled up, holding myself in place and partially leaning into him, knowing somehow my secret was safe here in thisspace.

“Listen to me, Delilah,” he said. “Nothing he did to you, nothing that happened to you, was your fault. None of it. Not even a little. Do youunderstand?”

The look in his eye was so intense I knew he was telling the truth. “Yes,” Imanaged.

“I just can’t believe someone would treat you like that. And someone you trusted. Someone you loved who claimed to love you. I will never understand men like him,” he said. And then he started leaningforward.

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