Page 55 of For Now

“I know it seems like a lot but we are going to get it finished. I promise,” I told her. We walked back through to the kitchen and she sat on a stool at the end of the counter. I started making her a cup of decaf tea to relaxher.

“How is it that you know where everything is?” she asked, laughing, watching me almost effortlessly navigate herkitchen.

“Well, if you recall, you’re the one that basically put this house together while I was in a black hole. So I just assumed it’s how you would do it. And what do you know? Yours is set up the exact same way,” Iteased.

She shook her head at me and we both startedgiggling.

“So tell me,” I said, “have you decided on a name yet?” She stared back at me with anxiety.I’m guessingnot.

“Every time I think we are getting close to agreeing on a name, I change my mind and hate all of it. I think I’m just going to have to wait until I hold her. I need to see what’s going to feel right,” she said, shrugging hershoulders.

“That’s okay, a lot of people do that,” I said. Granted, when I was pregnant, I had names picked out pretty much instantly, though I would never use those same names now. It just wouldn’t seem right. I wrapped my arm around my stomach. I didn’t really know how much time would need to pass before I stopped doing that but I was beginning to settle into the idea that no amount of time might ever beenough.

We settled into small talk after that, catching up on gossip and things. Emma went to lie down for a nap and I went into the guest room to unpack my things and change. I really did want to get to work on the nursery for her. I wanted her to see some results and stop stressing about it so much. I changed into some workout type clothes and threw my hair up in a bun on top of my head. The first thing I needed to do was move everything out and finish painting. That would be easiest. I stacked everything up neatly in the sunroom. They hadn’t done much with it which was a shame. It made an excellent office and writing space. Some of these boxes were heavy.Fuck, this really is a two-person job.I wiped my forehead.Holy shit, I’m actually breaking asweat.

Just then, I heard a knock at the door. I looked around the living room. I didn’t really know what I was looking for. Someone else to answer the door, maybe? I stood here for a few more seconds and heard another knock. I guessed they weren’t going to go away. I settled the playpen box into place and wiped my hands down my sides. I shuffled to the front door and swung it open.I did not see thiscoming.

Samuel.Samuel!He was standing there, staring back at me just as surprised to see me as I was him. All my words escaped me. I stood here, dumb and frozen in place.Why? Why was he here?! Had he seen my car? I’m going toDDDDIIIIIIIEEEEEEE…..

“Sorry, I, uh, shit. Hi,” hesaid.

“Hi,” I croaked. We stood here for a few more seconds staringwildly.

“David asked me to come over and help him,” Samuelsaid.

“Help with what?” Iasked.

“He said the nursery wasn’t done. He asked me to help since I’ve put all this sort of stuff together before,” hesaid.

“Oh. Um, I don’t think Emma knows that because she just asked me to help,” Isaid.

“Well, do you need help?” he asked, looking genuinely terrified of myanswer.

I didn’t know if he wanted me to say yes or no. Hell, I didn’t even know if I wanted to say yes or no. I stood here for a moment, thinking about how terrible the idea was. On the one hand, being in the same room with him for an extended period of time terrified me. But on the other hand, I really did need help with the nursery. And I would do just about anything to make sure it was done in time. “Actually, yes. I could really use the help,” I saidfinally.

Samuel relaxed his shoulders and smiled. He stepped into the living room. I walked him back to the nursery where his eyes grew big, exactly the way mine did a few hoursago.

“As you can see, they’ve done virtually nothing.” I laughed. “I started putting all the boxes and things out of the way in the sunroom so I can paint first and give it time todry.”

“That sounds like a plan,” he said. He unzipped his jacket, exposing a tight white t-shirt underneath. He was wearing these faded jeans that I could tell were something he wore for yard work or maybe house repairs. Workjeans.

“I just finished tarping the floor and was about to tape off the window and door frames,” Isaid.

“Okay, I can get the paint shaken and poured while you do that and then we should be ready,” hesaid.

We worked quietly for the next several minutes. I had my back to him for most of it but I was very aware of his presence in the room. I was hot around the edges. My neck was burning. This was going to be a very long fewdays.

“All done!” I exclaimed a little too loudly. I had forgotten he wasn’t actually inside my head listening to the insane conversation I was having with myself, so the need to be louder than that wasunnecessary.

“Me, too,” he said,laughing.

“What?” Iasked.

“Nothing. You just seem very excited to paint,” hesaid.

God, I’m a moron.I laughed one of those embarrassed but trying to save face laughs and began to dip my roller into the paint pan. “So I’ll start over here and maybe you start over there in that corner and we should be able to work around the room without getting in each other’s way too much. Sound good?” I asked, realizing only after I said it that it sounded kind ofrude.

“Sure,” hesaid.

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