Page 54 of For Now

I opened the door and there he stood, hands in his pockets, smiling his perfect smile. I gripped the edge of the door tightly. I didn’t know what to say or how to even stand herenormally.

“Hey there,” he said, which somehow made me feel very small. His simple greeting sounded like an apology and a question all atonce.

“Hi,” I managed. Just then, Mason appeared next tome.

“Hey, Dad,” he said, looking down at his shoes, kicking at the door jamb. He put his hand in mine and surprised both me and Samuel Ithink.

“Oh, Mason. Come on, bud. We need to have a little chat,” Samuelsaid.

Mason walked across the threshold and paused, turning back toward me. He looked up at me and then lunged at me, wrapping his arms around me. I relaxed my body and hugged himback.

“Thanks for the sandwich. I’ll see you later, Delilah,” Mason said, smiling up atme.

“No problem, buddy,” I said. I choked back everythingelse.

Samuel put his hand on Mason’s shoulder. “Can you go wait in the car, little man?” heasked.

Mason shook his hands and headed off toward thecar.

Samuel stood there, never breaking eye contact with me. His face was pleading for answers I wasn’t prepared to givehim.

“Thank you for taking care of him. I don’t know what came over him,” hesaid.

“Of course. I was happy to do it,” Isaid.

“Listen, Delilah. I…I’m sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen. I had it all worked out in my head. This grand plan about how to tell you how I feel and…well, that’s all gone now. Anyway. Like I said. I’m sorry,” hesaid.

I stood here silent for a moment, sorting out what to say. “I guess sometimes things just don’t work out the way we hoped they would,” I said. I wrapped my arms around myself. The cool night breeze brushed my cheek but it was no match for how cold I felt inside. Every part of me was shaking. I didn’t want him to stay but I didn’t want him to go. I just wanted to push the pause button. Everything could go still right here in this moment, and then I could just step away unnoticed,unmissed.

“Right. Yeah. Okay, Delilah, well, like I said, thanks for Mason. Um, goodbye,” Samuel said. He turned and walked back toward hiscar.

I watched him go. I didn’t let myself cry until I saw his taillights disappear around the corner. I walked quietly back inside, shut the door behind me, and sank to the floor once again. I wasn’t sure if doing the right thing was supposed to feel this bad. I wasn’t sure if this was the rightthing.

Chapter Thirty-Five

Ileftmy little house behind the next morning and I didn’t look back. After saying my goodbyes to Emma and David, I traveled east. I found a little cabin in the woods for rent in Virginia and shut myself in for a while. And by a while, I mean, several months. I cried and wrote and then cried some more. I don’t know if healing is the word I would use for what I did but I got back to some semblance of normalcy after a while. With no distractions, I finished a new project for my publisher in recordtime.

I stayed in touch with Emma of course, checking in on her and the bump daily. Being in the cabin alone for the most part wasn’t bad. There was a lot of time to reflect, both inward and outward. I thought a lot about myself, what I had been through, what I wanted. I thought a lot about how I left, what happened. Despite my efforts, I still thought about Samuel. We never spoke again after I left. He never even reached out to me. Not that I blamedhim.

But here I was, eight months later, heading back to Louisville to see Emma and be there for her as she welcomed her baby girl into the world. She asked me knowing full well I would never refuse the request. I was going to stay with her and David starting a week before her due date and I probably wouldn’t leave until a few weeks after the baby was born. I could never tell Emma no, especially when it came to something as magical asthis.

Ironically enough, they moved into the house I rented while I was there. They didn’t want to be living in their apartment when the baby came. They needed more room. And given that my place had two bedrooms, it was the perfect space for their growing family. If I had one goal while I was there, it was to avoid seeing Samuel. It’s not like he would know I was there. He wasn’t going to stop by unexpectedly but given his proximity, running into him in the store or some other local place was a definitepossibility.

I pulled into the familiar driveway as my friend waddled out to greetme.

“Emma! You didn’t have to come out. You should be inside resting!” I yelled out mywindow.

“Oh, hush! I’m pregnant, not dying. You sound just like David,” shefussed.

Emma was beautiful in her pregnancy. She was glowing and smiling and this fit her. I hopped out of my car and gave her a gentle but firmhug.

“Delilah, you have to help me. I’m panicking about the nursery. It’s not finished and I need help and David isn’t doing it right,” shehuffed.

She was nothing if not a control freak. David, being a man, lacked the attention to detail she required for this project, I’m sure. “Don’t worry! We’ll get it taken care of. We have plenty of time,” I said, grabbing my bags from the trunk. I mean, how much could really be left? I was sure most of it was done and she was just freaking out about the last fewdetails.

We did not have plenty of time. Had they even been in here?!I looked around the space that was supposed to be the nursery. The crib was still in the box, the bassinet was only partially put together. There was one wall painted and the rest were white. The dresser was assembled in the corner. All the clothes were still packaged. Everything needed to be washed, folded, and put away. Everything needed to be assembled. They hadn’t even installed the carseat!

Poor Emma had tears in her eyes. Apparently, and without thought, they’d planned the move here too late and had to push back the baby shower. To top it off, David had to go out of town for work. So here we were, just days from the baby’s arrival with an entire room to assemble. I patted my friend on the shoulder. If I had any say in it, this room would be finished intime.

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