Page 35 of For Now

“Tell me a secret, Delilah,” he said, tucking my hair behind my ear, gazing atme.

“This is the safest I’ve felt in years,” I said. It was simple. I didn’t need to say more than that. Samuel’s smile widened. His hug around me tightened. I could breathe easily knowing he was wrapped aroundme.

“Delilah?”

“Yes?”

“There’s something I need to tell you,” hesaid.

“Will it make me happy or sad?” I asked. I was so wrapped up in this moment. I filled my lungs with the crisp air andsmiled.

“I’m not sure,” hesaid.

“Then it can wait,” I said. I skipped on down the path, coaxing him tocome.

Samuel nodded his head and skipped after me. We continued our walk, laughing and stopping along the way to look at various things. The path was actually a giant circle that came right back around to the cabin. I noticed a porch in the back that I hadn’t before. The door to it must have been in the back of the kitchen. It was much like my sunroom, enclosed in allglass.

“Oh, wait until you see what’s out there.” He grinned as he noticed where I was looking. We stepped into the warm living room space and I felt my body loosen up. It was all tensed up out there in the cold. I checked my cell phone to find no reception. Talk about isolation. It was a good thing I trustedSamuel.

“Don’t worry, there’s an emergency landline here. Not that we’ll be needing it,” he reassured me. “I just thought it would be nice to be away from all thedistractions.”

“I’m not worried. I quite enjoy the lack of email dings and notifications.” I chuckled. Being in the city, the hustle can get to you. And given my chosen profession, I was always online, responding to emails and comments, interacting and arranging. The silence was nice. It was something I could certainly get used to having from time totime.

“So dinner is going to take a little while. And I was hoping we could make it together. And if you’d like to have comfortable clothing on to do that, you can change while I pour you a glass of wine,” hesaid.

A man after my own heart.“Oh, you don’t have to ask me twice. I’ll go and change,” I said. I would never turn down sipping wine insweatpants.

I started up the stairs and heard music begin to play from the kitchen. It was soft but gritty. From what I could hear, I really likedit.

I pulled out sweatpants from my bag along with a sports bra and a thin long sleeve shirt. After I changed, I went to the bathroom to assess my face and hair. I washed the little makeup I was wearing off and applied some moisturizer. I pulled a brush through my hair and pulled it up in a knot on top of my head. I combed out my bangs so they weren’t falling weirdly out of my bun. I stared at myself for a moment, dragging my hand across my jawline and down my neck. I turned to the side and put my hand over my stomach. In all these years, I still instinctively protected something that wasn’t there. I was convinced by this point that it would neverstop.

I stood here for a few more minutes. I was trying really hard not to overthink this. I wanted to just be here. I wanted to be present in these moments and not worry about what was going to happen later or what any of it meant. There was a man downstairs I had only known for a couple of months, and he was treating me better than my ex-husband had in the eight years we were together. There was something wonderful about that. And there was something terrifying about that. I wasn’t even sure I trusted myself to make wise decisions when it came to men. Then again, Emma approved, and it did take me a while to come around to the idea of Samuel, so maybe I was fighting against myself for no reason. Trusting someone new was a hard thing to do. But I couldn’t very well go through life making others pay for the actions of someone in my past. I couldn’t very well go around punishing myself and denying myself the chance for happiness because of themeither.

After another moment, I rejoined Samuel downstairs. He was cutting vegetables and I could see his arm flexing every time the knife came down and it was proving to be verydistracting.

“Hey, you. Need some help?” Iasked.

Samuel looked up from the cutting board and slowed his motions. He looked me up and down and began to smile. He always seemed to be smiling at me. “I just want you to know that I think you are both absolutely adorable and absolutely breathtaking at the same time. And I can’t help but smile at you every time I see you,” hesaid.

“Well, thank you,” I managed to say while turning pink under hisgaze.

“But to answer your question, yes. I could use your help. Think you can chop up this onion without bawling your eyes out?” heasked.

“Yes, sir, I do. Ancient Chinese secret.” I went over to the sink and washed my hands. Then I grabbed a slice of bread from the bag. Samuel was watching me with curiosity as I stuffed a portion of the bread into my mouth and held it there in mycheek.

“What on earth are you doing?” he asked, laughing atme.

“I told you. Ancient Chinese secret.” Ilaughed.

“I don’t think people of ancient times put wads of bread in their mouths,” hesaid.

“You don’t know! Besides, it works so I don’t care who did itfirst.”

“Where did you learn to do this?” heasked.

“It’s amazing what you can find using Google. I read it a few years back and have been doing it ever since. It keeps me from crying so like I said, I don’t care who discovered it,” Iexplained.

“Fascinating. Do you have any more wisdom?” heteased.

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