Page 52 of For the Love of the Broken Man

Dan laughed as he picked up his things, having already said goodbye to the people he’d walked with through the fire to find temperance. He prayed they’d all stay on their path.

The sun was setting as Jase drove them home from the airport where they’d landed in Roanoke. The running tally in Dan’s head had the whole thing costing a lot more money than he knew he could ever repay.

“How am I gonna pay for that rehab? I have health insurance through the ranch, but that was a high-priced place. I can’t pay ya back for a long time, Jase.” Dan’s anxiety was skyrocketing as he spoke.

Jase took an exit and pulled into a gas station with a convenience store, parking in a spot where eighteen-wheelers were parked. The younger man turned to look at him and grinned. “I didn’t pay for your rehab, Dan. I would have if I had that kind of cash, but I’m not the guilty party on this one. You’ll need to talk to your bosses when we get back to Holloway. You hungry? I need to fill the tank.”

Dan wasn’t surprised Matt and Tim had paid for his rehab, and he knew for a fact that things were going to be awkward when he went back to work, which reminded him. He hopped out of the pickup and walked around where Jase was fueling the truck. “I’m gonna get a bottle of tea. You want somethin’?”

“I like those flavored teas like they served at the lodge. Kayley and I are becoming addicted to flavored teas, but don’t get worried, I make sure she has the flavored green teas with no caffeine.

“We’ve been experimenting at home with trying to make a pitcher of it, but we can’t get the flavor right. We went to Sam’s Club with Miss Katie and bought a couple of cases of assorted teas,” Jase explained as he smiled at Danny, reminding the older man the reason why he’d fallen in love with the Jase in the first place.

“Your favorite?” Dan asked.

“Peach, as a matter of fact.”

Danny chuckled as he turned to walk into the little market, heading to the restroom first. After business was finished, he stopped at the cooler to pick up two bottles of flavored tea. When he got to the cash register, he asked for a pack of cigarettes which was a new, horrible habit, but it gave him something else to focus on besides the craving for alcohol. If caffeine and cigarettes were his new addiction? He’d figure it out. He didn’t know anyone who could live a vice-free life anyway.

Dan walked out onto the porch of the store and opened the pack of Marlboro Reds, pulling one out and holding it between his teeth as he struck the match from the book he’d taken from the counter.

After that first gratifying puff, he exhaled. He knew it was a disgusting habit he hoped Jase would learn to tolerate until he got to the point where he could let it go. It was as unhealthy as alcohol, but it had helped him deal with the times when he needed something. A lot of the guests… as the staff called them at the rehab facility in Utah… picked up the habit. After three months, it had become a crutch for him, but he knew he couldn’t use it for long.

He saw Jase eyeing him with a smirk. He’d finished filling the tank and walked over to the porch where Danny stood, taking the cigarette from him to take a long draw. “Ahh,” he released as he exhaled.

Jase handed it back to Dan with a kiss on the cheek as he went inside to head to the men’s room. It was a surprise for Dan, but it showed him how much they had to relearn about each other.

Once they were back on the road, Danny turned to him. “So, you smoke now?” He knew it sounded hypocritical, but they needed to catch up…and change the subject from Dan’s struggle with the bottle.

Jase chuckled as he opened his tea and took a hearty swig. “That’s about the tamest thing I smoked, but yeah. I mean, I can take it or leave it, but sometimes when I’m nervous or upset, a cigarette calms me a bit. I mostly smoke OPC’s, but I try to limit it because it makes the workouts murder. You hooked on them? You didn’t smoke before, right?”

Dan laughed. “As you might guess, I picked it up in rehab because it seemed like everybody there smoked. Fuck, they had most of the group meetin’s outside since the building is smoke free. I forget what they called it, but it’s like tradin’ one bad habit for another. I won’t smoke in front of Kayley, and I’ll try to taper off…what’s OPC’s? I don’t know that brand.”

Jase chuckled. “Other people’s cigarettes. If I don’t buy them, then I can say I’m not a smoker. Anyway, maybe we can share packs until we’re both ready to quit. So, you have a schedule of meetings in the area yet?”

“I’ll look ‘em up on my computer when I get home. Where’s Kayley?” Dan asked, feeling ashamed he hadn’t asked about her earlier. Dan knew for sure there were a lot of people who were in their corner, so he was sure Kayley had been well cared for while he was gone, but he still wanted to see her as soon as possible.

“School just started, so she rides the bus to Miss Katie’s. They’re taking care of her right now since I flew out to get you. She was staying with me, and we got her room at my place all set up. Surprise! It’s spring green and pink,” Jase explained with a laugh.

Danny couldn’t hold the laugh either. After he calmed down, he reached over the console and took Jase’s hand. “This okay?” The younger man nodded with a grin on his face.

After a few minutes of allowing himself to feel the warmth he’d missed more than anything in his life, Dan cleared his throat. “Do you think she hates me for this?”

Jase turned to look at him, slowing down the truck to take the next exit. He pulled into a commuter parking lot and shifted into park, all without letting go of Danny’s hand, which was reassuring.

“I can guarantee you she doesn’t hate you, Dan. She loves you so much, and she’s worried you won’t want her to live with you when you get back. She feels she’s to blame for not being able to care for you, and I’ve already found a lady I think you should take her to see, but I won’t overstep my bounds.

“I told her that you love her more than anything, but she feels some of the responsibility for all of this because she used to bring you beers when you asked,” Jase explained.

Danny blanched at the answer, knowing it was the truth and feeling the shame settle into his soul. Kayley was an eight-year-old child, and he’d made her a bartender. The guilt was like quicksand.

He glanced at his watch to see it was just after five. “Can we get back on the road? There’s a meeting at Good Shepherd at six, and I need to go.”

Jase nodded and returned to the highway, turning up the radio station they both agreed they liked. It was an oldies station, and it helped fill the silence between them.

Danny wondered if they’d ever get back to the relationship they’d had, but if they didn’t, at least he knew he had a good friend who loved him. If that was all he could hope for, it would be enough. It had to be because he had to get well for his daughter. That was his priority, as it would always be.

When Jase pulled into the parking lot of Good Shepherd Church, Danny started to bolt. Jase grabbed his hand to hold him still so he could tell him something.

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