Page 51 of For the Love of the Broken Man

Danny sat on the porch of a little cabin he shared with three other guys he hadn’t known prior to the day he’d arrived at rehab. He was in Utah, of all places, but it had been an eye-opening experience for him.

Cirque Lodge in Provo Canyon was an upscale facility. It was nicer than nearly anyplace he’d ever been, except maybe Wonderland when he’d gone to visit Mick and Jon.

Jon had found the place for him through a friend, and Jase had given him the courage to go. It was the first time he’d been on a plane, and he couldn’t even comprehend who was paying for it, but three years in the gutter was long enough to live in the dark.

Danny couldn’t blame his addiction on anyone but himself because he’d been the one to turn his life upside down when he pushed Jase away, thinking there was no way for the two of them to work things out and have a wonderful future together.

Danny didn’t think about the fact Jase could have gone to college in Blacksburg and they could have stayed together. He’d made the decision for Jase, thinking he knew what was best for the two of them. It was a mistake Dan would own, but he was determined not to become one of those platitude-spouting people who were in recovery at the lodge with him.

He’d heard them rehearsing apology speeches to all the people they’d wronged. Undoubtedly, Danny had his own apologies to make to most of the people he loved, but he wasn’t going to make an ass of himself about it. It wasn’t his way, and those who knew and loved him wouldn’t expect anything else.

He heard the screen door of his cabin open and turned to see Curtis Armstrong, his sponsor at the lodge, walk inside. “You packed up?”

Curtis was shorter than Dan, who stood tall at five-ten, but Curtis was nothing but muscle. They’d sparred in the gym a time or two, and Dan learned not to discount his abilities.

“Yeah. I’m ready. Why don’t you ever go home?” Danny asked, curious about why Curtis stayed in Utah. He’d been a source of support in group therapy, and Dan knew Curtis hailed from New Mexico. He hadn’t told them too much about himself, but Dan chalked it up to the fact he was a counselor. It still bugged him, though, so he asked anyway.

“They set us up in groups according to things we have in common, so it’s not a coincidence you’re in my group. I’m gay and I grew up on a ranch in New Mexico. As I told you, my husband died. Actually, I couldn’t call him my husband back then, but we felt we were as married as any straight couple.

My husband was beaten to death. He was a social worker in Albuquerque, and he went on a routine call to check on a family. The father was high on PCP and beat him to death with a hammer because Grayson asked how the son had broken his wrist.”

Danny held the gasp at the news, wondering how Curtis was still alive. If Jase had been killed, Danny would want to be in the ground next to him.

Curtis continued. “I was a cop at the time, so I was first on the scene. When I saw it was Grayson, I walked away from the scene and got into my car. I couldn’t… well, I wouldn’t be allowed to work the case, but I couldn’t handle it. I drove to Mexico and stayed in a tequila-fueled stupor for months. When I sobered up enough to go home, Grayson’s parents wouldn’t tell me where he’d been buried. Seems they didn’t know he was gay.”

The man’s story had to be one of the saddest things Dan had ever heard. How Curtis was able to function was a mystery.

Curtis’ gaze had landed on the floor while he was recounting the events, but then, his eyes snapped to Danny’s, a determined look on his face. “There are so many fucking things I wish I’ve have done differently, Dan, but you have a chance I never had. You have the man you love waiting for you at the common house to take you home.

“He’s ready to offer you love and support to get to the other side of your addiction where you can be solid in your sobriety. Take the hand he’s extending to you and hold it tight, and never, ever, take it for granted. You don’t know how long your life might be,” Curtis suggested after he explained his own personal hell. Dan damn well didn’t want that for himself.

They loaded Danny’s things into the golf cart and sped toward the common house where a lot of cars were in the parking lot at the side of the building. When Curtis stopped, Dan was hesitant to get out of the cart and even grabbed Curtis’ arm before he could step out. “What if I can’t stay sober once I get home? What if I…” He searched for another reason why he was suddenly frozen with fear.

Curtis took his hand and tapped on the top of it. “Focus, Dan. Remember what you have to lose… your daughter and your extended family who we’ve talked to during conference sessions. Get yourself a sponsor at home and find meetings near where you live. There are online groups that meet at different times of the day if you need to talk and can’t find a meeting. Your sponsor will be there for you as well, Dan.

“From what I understand, your boyfriend has been going to ALANON meetings, so I think you’ll have a wonderful support group waiting for you at home. And, in the unlikely event all those things don’t fall together when you need them, here’s my number.” Curtis handed Danny a laminated business card.

Danny chuckled. He should have known the man was prepared. “How about if I just wanna check on ya? Is it okay if I call ya when I’m not havin’ a crisis?”

Curtis laughed and nodded. “Those are my favorite calls to get, Dan. Keep me updated. I had a chance to talk to Jason while you were at your exit seminar, and he’s an impressive guy. He said your daughter is chomping at the bit to get you home, so go on inside and get on with your life. Don’t let alcoholism be your legacy.” The older man hopped out and helped Danny carry his bags inside.

When Dan saw Jase pacing in the family room of the common house, he stopped for just a minute to observe the changes in the young man. He was damn tall, which Danny hadn’t noticed the last time he’d seen him when Jase and Mickey took him to the airport to put him on the plane to Utah.

Jase had bulked up, which made Dan miss the slender young guy who he’d met when the kid came to work at the Circle C. Jason Langston wasn’t the same guy Danny had originally fallen in love with, but then again, he wasn’t the same guy either.

It would take them some time to get reacquainted, and his newfound sobriety would factor into it as well. He wasn’t sure how they’d work it out, but he prayed they’d be together at the end of it. The world was a great unknown to Danny, but the possibilities were truly endless as he studied Jason.

Dan cleared his throat, seeing Jase turn around to grin at him. Jase opened his long arms and hurried across the parquet floor to take Danny into them, even lifting him off the floor for a moment.

He put Dan down and pulled back, tears streaming down his face. “I’m sorry, Danny. I’m so happy to see you. You look amazing,” Jase whispered as he reached up to wipe his cheeks. Danny stopped him and leaned forward, kissing him on both cheeks before wiping away a few tears of his own.

“Thank you for comin’ to take me home. Hell, thank ya for even comin’ back. I love you so damn much, but we need to take things slow. We’ve had video sessions with the doc, so you know him. He said it might be a good thing if we start over and take it slow. It would give us time to—”

Jase cut him off. “To get to know each other again and make certain we both still want the relationship. I know. I talked to my own therapist. I rented a house in Holloway, not far from the Katydid. I work from home, but I go to Rockville once a month to meet with my team, most of who also work from home.”

Danny grinned. Jase had paid attention.

Jase motioned his head toward the door. “So, we have a one o’clock flight. I have a rental car. You have your walking papers.”

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