Page 48 of When Day Breaks

"So, what you're saying is…" Troian asks him for a simple explanation which causes him to look right at me.

"Rivian is afraid of you." His words don't shock me, he told me as much the other day. But now my husband is here to face the tune of the music.

I look over at him, seeing that his eyes are on the floor at first. And slowly, he brings them up to me.

I see everything and nothing in them all at once. But there is truth. Rivian fears me because he sees in me what he saw in his mother. A light, hope, comfort and love. And it was ripped from him. He hurt so badly that he needed to make himself believe he can never have love again. He's afraid of that devastatingly empty feeling of having someone you love pried from your heart so he closed himself off to the idea.

I understand. But he doesn't have anything to fear when it comes to me.

"That's enough of your stupid mind games, Trav," Rivian breaks the mental bond building between us to address his brother finally. "What does this have to do with Lucynda's accusation?"

"You're right, I got off track." He winks at me. "But that? I did that because I got tired of living by the rules. I am a monster, I have needs. I don't choose to hide my darkness; I kept it close by in case I ever got bored and wanted to shake things up a little. Or maybe I knew I was going to need it to remind me that it is my nature to be a predator." Travois looks over at Rivian. "Unlike you, I'm not weak. I have control of what I crave and well . . . I decided to fulfill my hunger." I'm a little shocked by his admission, and I can tell so are the other two.

But why do I feel like he's being hypocritical? We all have something to hide and in the midst of hismad-hatter blabbery, I get the feeling that he is not exempt from that notion.

I can't help but to see the similarities in him and Rivian. They just refuse to believe that, and they both have to have power to present their case, whatever it may be.

"You're cruel," Troy remarks, a very pointed look of disgust covering her face.

Travois doesn't respond and while I can understand what he's saying, I still don't fully grasp what this has to do with anything. His defense to killing two innocent humans is because he simply got tired of controlling his darkness and wants to live by his own rules? What would his own rules be? But then what does that make of me? Granted, my condition worsened due to a curse but I'm sure I was bound to snap at some point. But then what about my husband and his selfish plans for payback? Is it excused because he was a victim to his darkness? What's that make of him? Or Troian? She can't be the exception.

The conclusion I come to is . . . he's wrong. He's just trying to justify his actions over everyone else's, over mine and over Rivian's. Well, maybe he's got some things figured out but at the end of the day, we fall into the darkness we keep, whether out in the open or not, because we want tofeelsomething. We might not mean to fall, but we do. Human or vampire alike. Even those who are inherently good might fall victim to it, but then that says a lot about them and who they really are underneath. But how do we crawl back out? What if we don't want to? What if we're trapped?

"Wait, this is what you fought with Trinity about that night, isn't it?" Rivian's voice kicks me out of my mental evaluation. Thank God because I was starting to get lost in my own thoughts as well.

"She found me soaked in blood. I thought she'd be asleep by the time I got back but I was mistaken. She didn't understand myneed." Travois answers my husband without even looking at him. Instead, he looks at me as if he's trying to say something to me.

And I hear him. I feel it too. Just like I'm sure Rivian does when he tries to pretend that he doesn't want to rip into someone for sport. But he's conducted himself by the rules other than the agenda he's been plotting since the moment he turned.But I've been there, and like I said, it could have been because of the extra added support to my condition but I know that I was going to break for that need eventually. The only difference is that I would have still felt guilt for it; Travois revels in it.

"That poor girl. You're ruining her," Troy spits out at him, obviously feeling defensive about whoever Trinity is.

"Good thing I could care less about what you, or my fiancé, or anyone else thinks of me." Well, here's my answer. Trav turns his attention back to his sister.Oursister. "Besides, she's ruined herself."

Whatever that means. I already have enough family drama as it is, I don't necessarily want to dive into whatever else he's got going on outside of these walls.

"Why even bother taking a fiancé then, Travois?" Rivian steps up and focuses his words and eyes on Trav, this entire conclave feeling like a petty game of back and forth at this point. "Let her go. No one is holding you to this Society."

"Oh, I bet you'd like that wouldn't you, brother?" Trav fires back.

Rivian takes another step in his direction, and I can tell he's trying his best not to let the anger get the best of him as he tries to lower his voice but instead it comes out with a hint of demand. "You act as if you've had life at its worst. So far, the only reason you gave me for your immature grudge you hold is that you felt as ifdaddydidn't pay you enough attention."

"I was waiting for you to fail!" Travois' voice rings through the castle in a fit of rage, the boom of it echoing off the walls and burning in my ears. "I did my part! I accepted my destiny to Trinity in hopes that I would be the one to play your part,the king." His demeanor is sinister as his eyes light with fire, twisting in hues of dark grays with dark clouds, indicating his thirst for blood.

"Travois," Troy whispers to him in an attempt to keep him calm. To some extent, it works as his fury settles down and his eyes go back to normal.

Talk about anger issues, that one.

"Enough about me. What about her?" Travois points his finger in my direction and my body tenses, not loving the accusing undertone in his voice.

"What about me?" I look over to Rivian who seems to understand just what my brother is asking.

"Your husband,graciousas he is, had you drying out in the pretty dungeon for quite some time," he starts. "I know there has to be more to the story. And don't worry, I know all about the two dozen bodies Troy dropped in the ocean."

"How did you…" Troy starts but she doesn't get to finish her question.

"Once I was let out, the first place I went to was the Gilded Hollow. I had the same idea she did." He nods his head at me once more. "I needed to feed and I knew there would be a sea of fish waiting to be hooked in that joint. Imagine my surprise when I showed up and everyone was already dead. Shortly after, I watched Troy show up five men deep and they got rid of the evidence."

Realization dawns on all of us. Rivian because he obviously was trying to keep my condition a secret and now, it risks getting free. Troian because she clearly didn't want to get caught cleaning up my mess. And me, because now I know that she's been helping my husband cover the tracks of my mistakes after I tore her heart out.What a family.

---