Page 49 of When Day Breaks

"That's when I found you in the basement, chained and despaired. Whoever let me free told me that you nearly killed our sister. But I knew there was something more. A reason why you went berserk. So, what caused you to be so hungry for blood,little sister?"

I hate this feeling. The one where maybe he's proven right about me but also, them knowing that I was capable of so much pain. Spilled so much blood. And what's worse, is I know they'll figure out that I liked it. Or at least in that moment I think I did, I really don't know what I think of my actions right now except for the fact that I am scared for that curse to come back.

Rivian, has detrimental to my emotional state and mental health as he's been so far, has promised to do right going forward so I need to trust him in this moment to see how he handles it. How I handle it. And it's time to see if my siblings can handle it.

I open up my thoughts the best I know how to let Rivian in.It's okay,I say to him.Tell them as much as you want. I take a deep breath as his eyes bore into mine, reading what I'm telling him.We'll be fine.

He nods in approval and turns to the twins, both of them eager for what he's about to tell them.

"She's cursed. The Lavender Curse." I gauge their reactions. Troy seems unfazed by the news, likely because she already knew but my brother…

"What the fuck is she still doing alive?" He charges for me, and I jump back.

"Stay the fuck away from her!" Rivian reaches him before he can make contact with me and pushes him backward.

"You know?" Trav looks to his twin.

"Rivian says he has it under control." She crosses her arms to announce her stance, not threatened by the way her brother is reacting. She has every right to hate me, yet she's standing against him in defense of me.

"Here I am being framed for some kind of mass treason and our psychotic sister has gone fulllavender."

"You are guilty of part of that treason," I remind him and I fully expect him to come after me again, but instead he just pulls at his hair in frustration.

"Nathairia gave her an herb to quell the rage," Rivian explains.

"What happens when the herbs let up? She could andcankill us all." I understand Trav's concerns, they're of my own the same. But part of me had hoped that he would listen and use his own analyzing and judgmental words to understand why this happened.

"You didn't seem too afraid of me when you snapped my neck last night." I don't mean to say it out loud, but the words fall from my lips like a sad afterthought. He wanted to show me who was the boss of us. He had no fear when he thought I was just a girl who decided to fulfill her darkness like his. But now, as I see the slight fear in his eyes, I know he now understands that we are not the same. My darkness encumbers his every time, and I will show him who the boss is if that's the kind of game my sibling likes to play.

"Youwhat?" Rivian's low growl breeds wrath, his eyes turning up to, once again, threaten Trav.

"Just a little bit of sibling fun, lighten up," Travois quips in an attempt to get on Rivian's nerves and I get extremely tired of the back and forth we seem to find ourselves in. A dance of who can step on the most toes the hardest.

"I started the fire. I-" I decide to put an end to all the bullshit and be forthcoming about my sins "After I ripped out Troian's heart, I staked Rivian, and I left the castle to burn."

I turn to Troian. "I don't think I can apologize. I did what I thought was right in that moment. I am sorry I used you for my actions but I don't know if I'm sorry for my actions. I thought that if I took something from . . .our mother, the same way she took something from Rivian, that I could prove my loyalty to him. I didn't know who she was when I did it. All I know is that Iwanted her to hurt the way I heard pain drip from Rivian in that moment."

"Why the fuck would you need to do that to prove yourself to him in that way?" Troian asks and I try to dig deep for the answer. I don't know what to say. I just felt the need to defend him, show him that I really was on his side no matter the cost. I still am, I think. But I know now that if I'm going to fight our battles, I risk hurting others in the process. And it's up to me to decide if I'm okay with that.

"Again, I didn't know you were my sister and I…" I trail off, knowing that the rest isn't my truth to tell. She might not accept my excuse for what I've done, but I'm glad it's off my chest.

I look to Rivian who's watching me, pride swelling in his eyes and I know that whatever else is left to say is on him.

Troy and Trav turn to my husband. "Hello?" Troian pushes him for more answers and I'm surprised when he gives them what they ask for.

"She did it for me. I was trying to kill Ameliana." The admission stings them. Specifically my sister. I saw it on her face the night everything happened.

"Rivian, why?" Her tone is defeated but not without a little hint of awareness. I can tell she knew Rivian was hiding something in regard to her mother, now she can finally get her reason.

I watch Travois fight back the irritation growing inside, but he too looks tired.

"Because she's the reason my mom was banished. She abandoned you, then abandoned Lucynda." He looks at me for approval and I nod. "She didn't do anything to stop the torture Renard put me through, letting her husband abuse and then . . . she killed me."

My heart sinks for him. Whatever he went through, it tortured him. I still hate him for the part he made me play in all this,but I can't hate his reasons. We all have something that drives our actions and behaviors. He just happened to focus on nothing else.

I see a tear fall down Troy's cheek which gives me goosebumps. I can tell her love for her brothers means everything to her and she's not afraid to show that in front of them. I want that. Crave it.

The light in the room shifts as the sun passes through clouds outside and snow starts to fall again.

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