Page 38 of When Day Breaks

"I think you feel guilty," she states. "I think you realized just how childish your actions were, and you now have to face the consequences. I can't be sure you want me forme. I saw the way you looked at me in the Gilded Hollow. I felt the way you hungered that version of me,” she challenges back.

"That's because I've never seen a darkness as pretty as yours." I run my hand over the outline of her jaw and trail it up to her bottom lip, letting the pad of my thumb skim the curve of it before prodding the small heart shaped space between her lips,tempting the tension between us. "So you're right," I continue. "I did crave that version of you. It made me feel less alone in my sins and in my demand for war. But I am rather savage to the feeling of needingthisversion of you. Your innocence, the independence you bleed but your willingness to submit. Your charisma, your strength, your command and your light and dark energies . . . it's all so refreshing, little sin."

She doesn't so much as flinch when I slide my finger down her neck and find the pulse that softly raps beneath her skin. I press gently, and a small lusty sigh escapes her.Fuck, she is dangerous.

"You don't understand how hard it is for me to keep on this mighty king facade when the light of your very existence enters the room." It's hard to breathe with her so far into my reserve, testing my reprieve and abating my self-inflicted punishment.

Quelling my rage and inspiring morality in me.

I lift her chin, nearly pressing my lips to hers now as I whisper in her mouth, "I'll never be able to express how fucking sorry I am."

She doesn't push or pull, leaving us in a tangle of controlled breathing and sporadic heart palpitations, craving the need for more but not wanting to concede.

But then she retreats and I berate myself for allowing her to, for not demanding her to kiss me.

She moves her arms to cross behind her back as she leans back against the wall, not providing much space between us but enough to allow her to have a few words.

"I was scared when you introduced me to all this, you basically forced my hand and told me I was to be your wife. I felt insane for entertaining the idea of it but I wanted to be a part of something." She stops to remove her eyes from me, looking down and closing them, her words likely forming in her head as she forces herself to forget the tension between us.

"I wanted to be the very thing someone needed when they woke in the morning, their first thought and their last vision. Despite what you did or didn't think, I didn't needrevengeto get that from you, but now I know why you led me to believe that's what I'd be after if I joined you in all of this."

"What are you saying?" I ask.

"I'm saying that Iwantedto be here . . .with you. I wanted to feel anything other than what I was feeling and I thoughtyoucould give me that. Power sounded enticing and so did control and dominance. But more than anything, I just wantedyou.

"I didn't know you, couldn't tell a single soul much about you. But something in the way your heart whispered behind your arbitrary promises of power and incessant need for retribution is what caused me to fall. To jump at your offer. You had charm but I could tell you were scared of something. That you needed to run, just like me." She sighs, indicating that what she's saying is a relief of anxiety, a weight off her shoulders. Sincere and clear as day in the way her words praise just how vulnerable she is. "Iwanted to be the one you could run to. I wanted you to need me as much as I wanted you."

It's undeniable, the cause and effect she has on me. I feel lost for words when all hers do is ground me in her light. She is a beautiful conviction, a sensational sin, and the sweetest fucking thing I've broken.

"Fuck, Cyn. Where do we go from here?"

"I don't know." She shrugs. "But I don't want us to give up on this. I am your wife. I am the Hollows Trace Queen. I want to be here. But until we can cure this curse, who knows what the future holds. And right now, despite . . . you know…" Her reticent tone suggests she's talking about the experiment she encouraged us to perform in the tub earlier, causing a furtive grin to swipe across my face. "I still don't fully trust your intentions."

That notion stings. I want all of her, and that includes her willingness to have faith in my intentions. But on the contrary, I can't be too stubborn to admit that I'm proud of her for not being so viable to accept.

"I don't want it to be that easy. As much as I need you by my side, and I do want you to trust me, I expect to have to work for it."

She smirks.

"Oh, you will. But for now, we have to figure out how to fix the rest of the mess in this kingdom."

"Ihave to fix this. This has nothing to do with you, little one."

Lucynda stands up straight and brings her brows inward, expressing concern at my spoken words.

"If you want me to trust you, then we have to be in this together. Don't push me out because your pride is too big to let others in." She leans up, stretching to match my height using the tips of her toes. Our lips touch for a splinter of a moment, feathering just paper-width apart. "I want in, Rivian," she whispers and just as I think she'll cave and kiss me, we're interrupted by a knock on the door behind us.

She peers over my shoulder as I turn around to see who it is.

"Natasha," I say and the sweet woman nods her head before making her announcement.

"A message that your presence is requested in the Great Hall early in the morning." Her voice sounds weathered yet soothing as she speaks.

I feel for her and am sympathetic to her existence as a mortal in a castle full of vampires. But she's been a constant in my life and no matter what my conscience says about holding Outsiders against their will, I needed Natasha's presence.

I nod at her, indicating she is okay to exit before I turn back to my wife.

"You want in?" I ask her, noticing that she distanced herself once more during the distraction of our visitor.

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