Page 86 of Stitches

When Cady finally came home, it was already dark outside again. I’d lain in bed all day, not hearing a peep from my watchers. Only moving to use the bathroom and then right back to my spot in bed.

“Rina? Are you OK?” Cady dropped her jacket on the chair and sat beside me in bed.

Of course, I said absolutely nothing. I wasn’t OK. I was scared. As much as I’d fought with my worries all day. Part of me wanted to march back to the watchers and…well, I didn’t know what I’d do when I got there. The other part of me wanted to just cuddle beneath the warm blankets and never come out again. That part was definitely winning.

“Have the guys come to see you today?”

I let out a sad sigh.

“Those fuckers.” Cady pulled her phone out. Before she could press Church’s name, I placed my hand over hers and shook my head.

“Rina, don’t let these dicks make you feel like shit.”

I squeezed her hand and snuggled back beneath the covers.

She let out a sigh and put her phone down before curling around me, her arm slung over my waist.

“Remember when we were little, and we’d lay like this with you holding me while Mom and Dad argued? Sometimes we’d go into the closet and hide to try to block out their yelling.”

I closed my eyes, remembering those nights where we’d hold each other and whisper about how tomorrow would be a better day, and Mom and Dad would still love each other.

“I used to cry, and you’d tell me everything would be OK. I always believed you.” She hugged me tightly.

My breath came out in a soft whoosh at her words.

“Can I tell you a secret?” she whispered.

I placed my hand over hers.

“After your…accident. When you stopped talking. I would play that video Mom recorded of us that time we made that skit and acted it out for her and Dad. I missed your voice and your smile. Your singing and dancing. I’d watch that video on repeat. I brought it with me when I left because I was so scared you weren’t coming back to me. It was all I had of you. That and my memories.”

I blinked back my tears before turning to face her. Her eyes were glassy as she stared back at me.

“I love you,” I whispered to her. “So much, Cady Cat. Never forget that.”

“Oh, Rina.” She sobbed, clinging to me. I clung right back at her, desperate to just hold on for a little bit more. I didn’t know what tomorrow would bring, but if I had to guess, more pain because that was just my life it seemed.

* * *

I missed classes on Monday.The watchers still hadn’t come or made contact with me. Cady hung out with me and watched Lord of the Rings on Sunday and had gone to classes on Monday after promising me she’d keep her distance from the guys and let them work out whatever they needed to on their own.

I was severely depressed though. So much so that Cady was worried, and that was the last thing I wanted her to be. While I knew I needed to get up and just keep going, I felt like the entire weight of the world was crushing me.

Taking the time to just sort through my thoughts and feelings hadn’t been given to me, and I felt lost.

I knew I wanted the watchers. I knew I had weird feelings brewing inside of me when I thought of Asylum. Mirage. Even Sin, although I was still incredibly leery of him. He still made me tremble just thinking his name. Him not gutting me like a fish in the woods that night had helped me feel a bit more secure, but I also knew he wasn’t someone I could easily trust again because of that unpredictability he had about him.

Then there was Bryce. He kept playing at the edge of my feelings, making me feel even more confused. I hadn’t spent a lot of time contemplating him. It was all just too much right now. All I knew was that I cared deeply for him. Too deeply for him just being my friend. It made my chest constrict with the agony of knowing…

Right now, my focus was on the watchers though.

None of it mattered though if they didn’t want me back. At least on the watchers’ part. Anything to do with Asylum and Sin was on my no-no list. And Mirage? God, my heart hurt.

Which was why on Monday night when the watchers’ still hadn’t made contact and Cady was out with Adam, I crept out of my room and into the night dressed in solid black with my running shoes tied tight in case I had to escape. Not that I’d probably get far, but I felt more confident that I was prepared as I made my way into the dark woods and to the clearing. I didn’t know why I was going, only that I felt the pull to be there. And a hope. A big one.

When I reached the clearing, I stood in the center of it and spun a circle to find I was alone. The woods was cold and silent, the moon casting its beams around the darkened forest. I hugged myself tightly, noting I’d need to get a coat if I were going to brave these lowering Michigan temperatures because my zip-up hoodie wouldn’t do the trick for long.

After standing silently for what felt like forever, I went to my butt and just sat, staring into the darkness. I should have been scared to be out there all alone in the middle of a woods, and maybe I was, but I’d also felt a lot of fear lately and it hadn’t killed me. My heart hammered hard in that dark clearing as I tried to remain calm. The dark wasn’t my favorite place, but I kept telling myself to face my fears.

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