Page 74 of Ashes

I screamed again, vomit and spit spewing from my mouth as I lurched to the side. Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion. Like it was a fuzzy, agonizing nightmare.

I twitched on my side in a puddle of vomit and piss. I saw the knife on the mattress. With shaky hands, I reached for it.

“Set yourself free,” Sully whispered.

Free.

My angel.

I grasped the handle of the knife and pressed the blade to my temple.

It was hard to see through my tears as Sully bent and put his face in front of mine.

“Cut the demons out, Malachi. Prove yourself.”

The pain began to build again.

But it was because I was carving at my skin with the knife in my hand, ridding myself of the demons.

ASHES

Icouldn’t sleep.

I’d been tossing and turning for hours. I hadn’t been able to burn anything since the bathtub. I was supposed to be able to go out and get my fix at my barrels off campus, but that had gone to shit.

I was going nuts.

Sitting up, I rubbed my palms against my pajama bottoms, my heart thudding hard. I was going to fucking lose it. Something had to give, and I really fucking hoped it wasn’t my willpower to not burn the house down.

I needed help.

I was smart enough to recognize that part. If I didn’t get it now, we’d have a real situation on our hands.

Abby flashed through my mind. Holding her small body as the flames danced in my eyes.

No. I wouldn’t fucking slip again. . .

Quickly, I went to Sin’s room and pounded on the door.

“S-Sin. Sin. Man, open up. Please. I need help.” My hands trembled as I shifted my weight from one foot to the other. I was breathing too fast. I felt like I was going to pass out.

Great. Anxiety too.

Unable to wait any longer, I flung his door open to find his bed empty and his sheets rumpled.

Fuck.

I raced to Church’s room and barged inside. He looked peaceful as he slept. I knew how stressed he was. How close he was to losing it too. He and Stitches were brothers, after all. Knowing Stitches was suffering was hurting us all.

I crawled into bed beside him, my body shaking. I didn’t want to wake him. God, I didn’t. He needed to sleep. He needed the escape, but shit, I was spiraling.

I couldn’t fucking breathe!

“Asher?” Church called out in a sleepy voice. “What’s going on? What’s wrong?” He rose up on his elbow and rubbed his eyes before frowning down at me.

I was breathing too hard now. Everything I’d tried pushing away felt like it was tumbling down. It was crushing me.

The loss of Sirena. Stitches’s suicide attempt and him being locked up. Sin withdrawing and never being here. Church’s pain. My fears. The worry that something terrible was happening to my heaven and my best friend under the thumb of Sully. Concern that Sin was drifting from us and fighting his thoughts alone. Fear that Church might lose it and hurt someone without having a plan.

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