Page 114 of Samson

“Confusion is the devil’s realm, not God’s. If you feel confused, then take a step back. God’s not trying to trick you or make you strive. He wants to give you rest. Keep reading. Keep praying. When the time comes, He’ll tell you what you need to do.”

“I don’t have much other choice besides that.”

“Trust me when I say there’s no better choice.”

“Thank you for taking this time with me.”

“That’s my job.”

She slapped her hands on her lap. “I should get going.”

“It’s okay if you want to stay a little longer. We have a group meeting in the church in about an hour, so it will be open for a little while if you want.”

“Thanks, but I have some things to do.”

“Okay, but don’t forget, if you want to spend some time with Beth, just let us know.”

“I will. I’m sure I’ll see you next week.”

“I look forward to it.”

Chapter 24

Samson woke with a jolt.He sat upright, then leaned against the wall, his breathing labored. He’d had a dream about Delilah. It was the first time he’d thought about her in a while. The agony of losing his daughter had made it too painful to revisit thoughts of her even though he’d finally forgiven her. He’d prayed for Delilah’s soul and then let her go.

But the dream had been vivid and brought back feelings he’d thought were dead and buried. It wasn’t the hurt that had returned; it was the joy and hope she’d restored to him. In the dream, he’d seen her standing in a beam of light with her arms out to him, welcoming him. Did that mean she’d died too and was waiting for him in death? Or did she represent hope?

He stood and paced the room. God had never spoken to him through dreams before, so he had no reason to think He was now. But the feelings that had stirred wouldn’t be silent. The hope that had erupted before he woke was an unwanted distraction because it awakened more than he could bear. There was too much grief and hurt outside the confines of this place and his death.

His chest tightened so much he pressed his hand to his heart and leaned against the wall.

“Am I having a heart attack?” After all this planning, would God take him before he had a chance to fulfill what he thought he was meant to?

He slid to the floor, anxiety choking his breath. He grunted as he tried to settle his increasing heartbeat.

Then the tears came, and he leaned onto the floor, letting the sobs out because they brought relief from the fear that had begun to paralyze him.

When he came back to himself, he sat up, wiping his face. “What was that?”

You’re not free.

God’s words drifted into his mind.

“I know I’m not free. I’m in a cell. That’s why I’m going to blow this place up. Then I’ll be free. I’ll be with you.”

I want you to be free now. I want you to know real freedom.

“I don’t understand.”

You want to die.

“Of course I do. I’ve got nothing to live for.”

Then blow yourself up.

“But then I can’t take the others down with me. I can’t stop what they’re planning. Isn’t that why I’m here?”

You think I need you to stop them? You don’t think I can do it another way?

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