Page 113 of Samson

“Tell me this. What is it you hope to accomplish by confronting this man?”

“I don’t know. I guess I want answers.”

“You want closure. You still hold out hope that this man you believe is dead is still alive.”

“I want Demir to tell me Samson’s still alive.”

Ryan nodded. “I can understand that.”

“So what do I do?”

“The best advice I can give you is to move on with your life. If this man Samson is really alive, then the FBI can find him, and you can cross that bridge when you come to it. But this is keeping you bound up. You need to move on with your life. Forgive who you need to forgive, including yourself. Let go of your anger. It will only cause you pain and this guy, Demir, none. He’ll be brought to justice either in this life or the next.”

“I don’t want him to get away with it.”

“He won’t.”

“I mean in this lifetime.”

“Sometimes life isn’t fair.”

“Is that supposed to be encouraging?”

“No. I know how it sounds. But one thing you can be certain of is that no matter how bad things look, God is still in control, and He tells us in the Psalms not to worry when evil men prosper.”

“It says that?”

“It sure does.”

“What you say makes sense, but I can’t get this other idea out of my head. It’s driving me crazy.”

“You know, my wife is a really good listener. She’d be happy to make time to talk with you throughout the week and help you get through this tough time. You don’t have to do this alone.” He frowned. “You don’t look convinced.”

“It’s not that. I’m sure Beth is amazing, and I might take you up on the offer. But the hardest thing for me right now is not being able to do anything. My hands are tied, and the idea of talking about it relentlessly is frustrating.”

“I understand, and I wish I could give you better answers. But the best thing to do is what you are already doing. Keeptalking to God about it. He’s the only one who can give you real comfort and freedom from this. He’s the only one with answers.”

She nodded. “I know.”

“Can I ask something?”

“Sure.”

“Have you ever given your life to Jesus? Or are you still searching?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t done anything formally as an adult, but I did it when I was a girl. I don’t know if it counted, but I remember praying a prayer, telling Jesus I give Him my life. It was really real to me at the time. Something definitely happened. I just don’t know what.”

“That would be it. Whatever happened to you as a girl, it never left you. God’s been there with you the whole time. He’s been in your heart waiting for you to pay Him attention again. I’m glad He’s woken you up from your slumber, even if it’s taken something quite drastic to do it.”

“I wish it didn’t have to come to that.”

“Do you have a Bible?”

“I’ve been reading on my phone. There have been so many verses that make me start crying, and I can’t stop.”

“You said you couldn’t hear God, but it sounds to me like He’s speaking very deeply into your heart. He’s at work. That’s very clear.”

“Then why don’t I know what to do? Why do I feel so confused all the time?”

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