Page 40 of Nanny for the Bikers

“What about you?” Lila asks finally, her voice taking on a sharp edge. “Where have you been, Ayla? You can’t just disappear and then act like you have the right to judge Mom’s choices.”

I flinch, the accusation hitting home. She’s right, of course. I did disappear. I ran away from the toxicity, the abuse, the suffocating darkness that had become my life. But I never meant to abandon my family, not really.

“I’m working,” I say, the words feeling inadequate even as they leave my mouth. “I’m a live-in nanny for three men.”

The moment the words are out, I regret them. I can almost hear Lila’s jaw dropping, the gears turning in her head as she tries to process this new information.

“Three men?” she repeats, her voice rising in pitch. “Ayla, what the hell are you thinking? Do you have any idea how that looks?”

I bristle at the implication, my defenses slamming into place. “It’s not like that,” I snap, my words coming out harsher than I intend. “They’re good people, Lila. They’re giving me a chance to start over, to build a life for myself. I don’t expect you to understand,” I say finally, my voice softening. “But this is my life, Lila. My choice. And for the first time in a long time, I feel like I’m where I’m supposed to be.”

The words hang in the air between us, a fragile bridge spanning the chasm of our fractured relationship. I hold my breath, waiting for Lila’s response, wondering if this will be the moment that finally breaks us beyond repair.

“You’re throwing your life away, Ayla and for what?” Lila’s voice rises, her words sharp and biting. “You talk about mom being blind and looks at what you’re doing? Living with three men, playing house like some kind of-”

“Don’t.” I cut her off, my voice low and dangerous. “Don’t you dare finish that sentence.”

Anger surges through me, hot and fierce, burning away the last vestiges of my patience. I grip the phone tighter, my knuckles turning white with the force of my emotions.

“You have no right to judge me,” I hiss, my words laced with venom. “You have no idea what I’ve been through. You left and you have no idea what I’ve had to do to survive.”

I think of the countless nights spent huddled in the corner of my room, listening to the sounds of my mother’s cries and begging for Kyle to calm down, Kyle screaming at her, calling her useless and worthless. I think of the suffocating weight of expectation, the constant pressure to be perfect, to never make a mistake.

“I won’t go back to that,” I say, my voice trembling with the force of my conviction. “I can’t. I won’t let myself be trapped in that toxic cycle again.”

“You’re unbelievable,” Lila spits out, her voice dripping with disdain. “Whoring yourself out to three men for money? That’s worse than anything Mom has ever done.”

Her words hit me like a punch to the gut, knocking the wind out of me. I grip the phone tighter, my knuckles turning white. “I told you it wasn’t like that,” I hiss through gritted teeth, my anger rising to match hers. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t I?” Lila scoffs. “I know exactly what kind of person you are, Ayla. You play the victim. Always running away from your problems, always taking the easy way out.”

“Easy?” I let out a harsh laugh, the sound grating against my own ears. “You think any of this has been easy for me? Leaving home, trying to start a new life on my own?”

“Oh, spare me the sob story,” Lila snaps. “You abandoned us, Ayla. You left Mom and me to deal with the fallout while you went off to playhouse with a bunch of strangers.”

Her words strike a nerve, and I feel my temper flare. “I didn’t abandon anyone,” I snarl, my voice shaking with barely controlled rage. “And you’re one to talk about abandoning family, or should we bring up Tyler?”

The words hang heavy between us, a truth I’ve been running from for too long. I think back to all the times I sacrificed my own happiness, my own dreams, for the sake of others. I put up with the broken promises, with my belongings being stolen for the next quick hit. From Lila, from our mother, from a family that never quite felt like home.

“And what about Tyler?” Lila asks suddenly, her voice barely above a whisper.

I freeze, my heart skipping a beat at the mention of his name. Tyler. My first love, my biggest regret. The boy who promised me forever, only to find comfort in my sister’s arms…who’d used me just to get to my sister and she’d welcomed him so easily.

“You slept with the boy I loved.”

“It was a mistake,” Lila insists, but I can hear the guilt in her voice. “We were both hurting, Ayla. We both needed someone.”

“And it just had to be him?” I scoff, shaking my head in disbelief. “Do you have any idea how much that hurt me, Lila? How much it still hurts?”

Silence stretches between us, heavy with the weight of unspoken apologies and unresolved pain. I close my eyes, feeling the sting of tears threatening to fall.

“I’m sorry,” Lila says finally, her voice barely audible over the static of the phone line. “I never meant to hurt you, Ayla. I never meant for any of this to happen.”

But it did happen, I think bitterly. And no amount of apologies can change that now.

“I know,” I say instead, my voice thin and strained. “But it doesn’t change anything, Lila. It doesn’t change the fact that the damage is done…”

I hear her inhale sharply, as if my words have physically struck her. “Ayla, please,” she begs, her voice cracking with emotion. “Can’t we find a way to move past this? Can’t we try to be sisters again?”

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