Page 50 of Stay With Me

“Hi, Uncle George,” I greet him, my voice cheery. It’s easy enough. Customer service has helped me perfect the happy, everything is great voice.

“Hey. I wanted to check in. The reading of the will was a lot.” His voice is gentle, but a little cautious.

We’ve texted a bit since that day, but I think he’s trying to let me take the wheel on building a relationship. At least that’s my best guess from what little I know about him.

“It was, but I’m okay. It helps me to know that even though we drifted apart, he still thought about me and wanted to take care of me.” My voice is softer, more real.

He grunts. “I wish I had known how bad it was. I would’ve stepped in. She always rubbed me the wrong way, but he seemed happy. I should’ve known better when he stopped seeing you.”

The regret in his voice is thick. It’s easy enough to overlook things when you think someone is happy. I know how easy it is to pretend everything is okay when it’s not.

“The only one capable of changing anything was Dad. I don’t think he knew how to ask for help. I felt so hurt by his distance that I pulled away, too, even though I could’ve pushed my way back in. But we all can look at what we could’ve done and sit in regret. It doesn’t change anything.” Breathing out a sigh, I rub my hand over my head.

I hope that I can look at things this clearly when it comes to the baby, but the distraction right now is welcome.

We talk for a while longer, making plans to meet sometime in the holiday season. When we hang up, I feel like a connection to my dad is coming back and even though I can never rebuild what he and I lost, I can rebuild with Uncle George.

By the time I park in the garage, it’s past seven. Young Jae has called a few times, but I let it go to voicemail.

He greets me as I come in the door, his expression worried. “You didn’t answer my call. Is everything okay?”

Removing my shoes, I walk into his arms and hug him tight. “Yeah, everything is fine. Nothing serious is wrong with me, I just need to take some vitamins.”

It’s not a total lie. It’s a lie by omission, but I can’t tell him now. Not yet.

“Well, I made a really delicious dinner and I thought we could take the paddleboards out tonight. Enjoy the water before it gets too cold.” He leads me to the table where a lovely dinner is waiting. Chicken, roast veggies, and sweet potato fries ready and plated, with a fresh bouquet of dahlias in a vase to the side.

Trying not to let him see through my calm exterior, I tease, “You know you don’t have to bribe me with tasty food and a spontaneous date night to get sex, right? It’s usually guaranteed.”

He laughs. “Good to know.”

We eat, and I let him lead the conversation until it feels effortless, the pregnancy somehow moving to the back of my mind. It’s still early on, we have a lot of time to adjust and reframe our future.

We cleanup together before loading up our paddleboards. We bought Kimchi a life preserver and have started bringing her along with us. She took to it right away, but as Young Jae secures her to his board, part of me is envious.

“What do you think about adopting another dog one day?” I push off, paddling on the calm water. The sun is warm, but the light breeze is cool.

Young Jae paddles up alongside me, Kimchi sitting with her eyes half closed. “I have been thinking about it and think it’s a great idea. We should go to the shelter on Sunday and visit the dogs.”

Laughing, I ignore the guilt in my chest. “We can look, but I want something similar in size to Kimchi. It’s probably too much to hope we could rescue another Jack Russell. Let’s not rush, I was just putting it out there.”

He gives me a sneaky look. “You never know when the right one will appear. I can’t make any guarantees I won’t come home with a dog one day now that I know you’re open to it.”

Laughing, I resist the urge to rub my stomach. It’s probably more welcome than the surprise I have for him.

We finish paddleboarding and head home. Now that I know why I’m not feeling well, I sneak some saltines as he takes a quick shower. A quick online search gives me some ideas of how to help with the nausea, but there’s not much to do about the exhaustion. Just a lot of articles saying it should pass by week thirteen.

“Joy,” I mutter, closing the search as Young Jae comes downstairs.

We settle in on the couch, both picking up our books to read. He massages my feet with one hand as he reads, always taking care of me.

I pick up my phone, opening my group chat with Adeline and Rae, but I can’t bring myself to tell them the news. It’s going to break their hearts and I feel like I will be rubbing it in their faces that I’m pregnant. I can’t imagine being in their shoes, wanting something so much and it not happening, only to find out someone who doesn’t even want that is getting it.

I know they will be happy for me, because they’re that great of friends, but I think I would struggle to find joy in the situation.

It sucks to feel alone in this, but everyone I would normally talk to about this would be too hard to tell.

Chapter Twenty-Four

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