Page 58 of Hannah.

“She is.” Standing up and crossing the space between us, I get close enough that I can reach out and touch the Cambridge logo. But the way Johan's eyes heat makes me feel anything but safe. “Conrad told me tonight that your parents are close to hers, and it's almost like an arranged match between you two. All of them expect you to get engaged to her.”

Johan grabs me by the hips, pulling me even closer and pressing me flush against him. I can feel how hard he is and bite back a gasp. “None of that matters. Astrid and I aren't serious. Not in my eyes.” He pauses for a beat, his eyes on mine.“My parents could expect me to marry a royal princess, and it wouldn’t make a difference—I don't care about anyone but you, so what are you trying to say?”

His emotions are high, anger having completely faded until the only thing left on his face is a vulnerable affection as he looks down at me. Johan is holding me tightly, but I feel emboldened by his words. Could he feel that strongly about me? “I’m saying…” I take a deep breath and, meeting his gaze, proceed. “Conrad invited me on another date next weekend.” Johan cuts eye contact in annoyance, letting out a loud, exasperated breath. “I didn’t want to, but I agreed because I felt guilty about what we did yesterday.” Then, silence settles between us, so I shut my eyes for an instant and let the reality of my actions sink in. “I don’t want to go behind Astrid’s back, even if you don't care about her.” Johan starts chuckling, his head shaking in displeasure, but I continue, “She’s my friend. It doesn’t matter if I haven’t known her that long; I care about her. Even if you don't love her, I know you care about and respect her, too.”

Johan slides one hand up my spine, cupping the back of my neck and tangling his hand in my hair. “Astrid and I have only ever been casual. This thing between you and me is so much different. We've wanted this for so long. I’m not a fool.”

“Johan,” I whisper, my voice trembling with more than just nervousness. It’s a struggle to keep my thoughts straight with him so close, with the promise of the weekend hanging in the air. “You know Astrid has got strong feelings for you. This can't go on.”

“And what exactly do you feel for me?” He questions immediately, his other hand coming up to cup my cheek. I don't answer, my silence telling him everything. “Hannah…” his voice is low and enticing, a deliberate caress in each syllable of my name. He strokes my bottom lip with his thumb. “I want you so badly. Conrad isn't right for you.” He then leans closer to my earand, keeping his voice just as low, adds, “Just imagine all the things I’m going to do to you… how can you deny yourself that?”

I shut my eyes as I try to tame my racing heart. My voice has gone breathy, and I lean into his touch. “I feel like I’m going insane. I... I have feelings for you. You know I do. But that doesn't change anything.” I keep my eyes shut, and doing so feels like a small death. “You need to leave.”

Johan leans down, brushing his lips against mine, but it isn't quite a kiss. “Hannah, look at me.”

I shake my head, and he presses his lips against mine again, harder this time. “Open your eyes. Look at me.”

Complying reluctantly, I meet his eyes, which are so heated and full of affection that I nearly cry. I have to be strong. “Please go, Johan. We're just dragging this out.”

Johan kisses me a third time, longer and firmer, and I’m helpless to kiss him back, clutching his hoodie in my fists.

He caresses the column of my throat, and I arch into the touch. “I can end whatever is going on with Astrid if you prefer.”

“Astrid is smart enough to find out the truth.” Pondering further, I add, “She’ll figure out you’re doing it because of another woman—because of me.”

He looks me in the eye, his expression deepening. “And what if she does? Why do her feelings matter so much?”

His question makes me pull away from him, anger building up inside me. “Because I’ve never had a friend as kind as her before,” I fess up, my emotions lacing my tone. “I’m not going to ruin my relationship with her.”

Johan rakes me with his eyes from head to toe, lingering on my face. “For the last time, you’re not doing anything wrong. I told Astrid that we were not serious and were not in a relationship. I’m not cheating on her with you.”

Flustered, I throw my hands in the air. “She’s my friend, Johan! She’s my friend, and I’m betraying her trust. The least we can do is stop now before it goes any further.”

He curses under his breath, but I know that I’ve won. Like me, I suspect that he’s just been pushing away his guilt and regrets regarding Astrid. Now that I’ve opened the floodgates, I bet that it's all hitting him just as hard as it's been hitting me. Poor Astrid, she deserves a better friend than me and a better partner than Johan.

Johan's hands open and close in fists, like he’s fighting not to touch me, but with an enormous breath, he finally relents. “Fine. I'll leave. But we aren't done talking about this.”

I give him a watery smile. “Oh, I figured as much.” Then, quieter, full of feelings I shouldn't have, I add, “Goodnight, Prof.”

He stops in the doorway and looks at me over his shoulder. “This isn't over.”

17

Johan

I havemy morning coffee at the small cafe close to my apartment. It’s raining, more like drizzling, but I opt to sit outside anyway under one of the oversized umbrellas. I still feel a periodic flush of heat under my collar, like the onset of a fever, thinking about Hannah and the things she does to me. So, the humid, cooling air feels like a blessing.

Despite having a notebook open before me and a pen balanced between my fingers to write my upcoming lesson plan, my fight with Hannah hasn’t left my mind. I still have hopes she’ll come around, but who knows? From my end, I need to get away from Cambridge this weekend and go somewhere far away from here. The best way to do so is to make sure the property I have in mind is available, so I take my iPhone out and make the call.

Dad answers on the second ring and sounds pleasantly surprised to hear from me so early on a weekday. “I hope you aren’t calling to beg me for more money ‘cause it’s not happening.”

I chuckle. “Not today, Pa. How are you and Mom?”

Dad’s tone softens a bit. “As far as I know, we are in good health and doing all right. What can I do for you, son?”

“Honestly, I’m up to my ears with stress here. New projects and exhibitions, plus substituting for this professor who has been on sick leave…I could really use a weekend away. Is anyone staying at the Portmeirion estate? I’d love to make the drive down tomorrow after work and have some time away.”

Dad laughs low as he can see through my scheming. He probably has the right idea of what I really want the Portmeirion house for…but with the wrong woman in mind. “You’re in luck. No extended family is in residence right now. It’s all yours. I’ll call the staff and have them prepare the house for you and…a guest?”

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