Page 101 of Hannah.

I take a shaky breath, dashing away tears with the back of my hand. “I... I feel like such a horrible friend. I made a true friend, someone I had so much in common with. But she just happened to be with the only man in the world I’ve ever wanted.”

“I had no idea you were in love,” Mom says, clearly in shock. “Who, honey? Who is he?”

I hesitate, his name catching in my throat. I can almost predict my mom’s disapproval.

“It’s Johan, Mom.”

There is a sharp intake of breath on the other end of the line, followed by a stunned silence. When she speaks again, her voice is tinged with shock. “Johan? The one Elise introduced us to?”

I nod, even though she can’t see me. The words spill out in a torrent. “He was using me, Mom. I thought he cared about me, but now he’s proposed to her. And Astrid… she’s showing me engagement party invitation ideas, being fake just to torture me,and I don't know what to do.” My voice breaks, and I start to cry harder, holding the phone tightly to my ear. Her voice, though still shocked, is filled with empathy and understanding.

“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. That’s a lot, indeed. Oh, Hannah…”

I sniffle, trying to hold back more tears. “Mom, I…” The words are like glue in my mouth, but now that I’ve started talking, I can't stop. “I slept with him behind Astrid’s back. We spent the weekend together in one of his family’s vacation homes, and now here he is only a few days later, engaged.”

She is silent for what feels like an eternity. “Hannah,” she says after a while, and I can hear the disapproval in her tone. It’s worse than a slap in the face. “It doesn't sound like you have any place in his future. This isn’t like high school, my love. You can’t steal your friend’s boyfriends without consequences. Especially someone who has treated you as kindly as you say Astrid has. You know it’s wrong.”

“But Mom—” I start, my voice pleading.

“What’s done is done,” she cuts in, her voice firm but gentle. “You can't change what happened. I…I just need to clarify. We're talking about Johan Bentinck, Elise’s Johan?”

A bolt of angry annoyance shoots through my grief. “Mom! Don’t say that! You make it sound like I’m stealing from Astrid and my sister—who we both know is happily in a relationship.”

“Sorry,” Mom sighs, the sound heavy with exhaustion. “It’s just hard for me to reconcile what you’re telling me with the kind, respectful young man we’ve had over so many times.”

“I know,” I grumble, frustration bubbling up. “I thought he was a good guy. But clearly, I was wrong.”

“Maybe his family pressured him to get serious with her,” she suggests softly. “But whatever the reason behind it, it seems like it’s over now. You’re so young, dear; you’ll be fine.”

She isn't wrong, of course, but I still can’t force myself to be alright with it. “Mom...what do I do now? Do I confront him?”

“That's up to you, my dear,” she says, her voice full of understanding. “No one can make that call but you. Just whatever you do, don’t let Astrid know. It sounds like she’s the only innocent one in all of this, and it isn't your place to break her heart. It’s his.”

“But he won’t,” I whisper, feeling defeated.

She tries to insert some humor. Pointlessly, of course. “We could always tell Elise what he’s done. Let her handle it.”

“MOM,” I snap in return. The idea would be funny if this thing with Johan wasn’t tied up in such a complicated knot. “Don’t tell anyone, please. Including Elise. Not even Dad. Okay?”

“Alright, honey. You know I’m here for you, always,” she reassures me.

“Yeah, I know. Thanks, Mom,” I say, sounding a bit steadier now.

“Take care of yourself, okay? If you want to come home for a visit, just say the word. Daddy and I would love to see you.”

“Thank you,” I manage, feeling a bit lighter. “Bye, Mom.”

“Love you, sweetheart.” Her voice is full of warmth, and despite the tears, a small smile tugs at my lips.

“Love you, too.”

We hang up, and I’m left feeling worse than ever. I think I’ve known this entire time that what I’ve been doing is so, so wrong. But I’ve let myself fall for Johan despite his relationship status, and now, it's all collapsing around me.

The only consolation is that Johan has gotten what’s coming to him. He's going to have to spend the rest of his life married to the wrong woman, and knowing that brings the faintest bit of happiness to my lonely situation.

Because it’s over now. Johan is Astrid's fiancé and soon-to-be husband. I have no right to him, no claim on him. He doesn’t even belong in my head anymore. Too bad it seems like he’s stuck there.No one can make that call but you, Mom said. So I guess I have to make the decision.

My phone feels like it weighs a million pounds in my hands as I pull up recent calls and tap Johan’s number. Even seeing his name written out sends a spike of fondness, followed by suffocating sadness, through me. If just five letters can make me feel this way, how in the hell am I going to survive?

---