Page 4 of Lost in Me

She takes a deep breath and pulls back just enough to look up at me. Her eyes search mine for a moment, then sheslowly nods. “I trust you, Shawn,” she says through her tears.

I gently release my hold on her and take a small step back. She backs up into the corner, hiding behind the door. Seeing her like this makes my blood boil. Makes me want to break this fucker’s neck, but I can’t, not yet and not here.

I take a deep breath and nod as I turn and walk around the door. I stop at the doorway. The man is pounding on the counter at Sherri. I can tell she is uncomfortable with this man. We don’t get many men in here, and normally, when we do, it is because they have found their victim, and I think this time the victim is Em.

I slowly walk over to Sherri, standing behind her. The man stops yelling and stands up straight. He looks me right in the eyes, and then he looks me up and down, trying to size me up, which, honestly, takes everything in me not to laugh. He has no fucking idea who I am, and I can tell he is not from around here, but he will soon remember my name.

Chapter Three

Emory

My entire body is shaking. My heart is racing as I slowly turn and look through the small crack. The words I told Shawn repeat inside my head. I do trust him. It’s going to sound nuts coming from me, but I know him. I know him better than anyone else here. We both have been watching each other for years. Keeping our distance but watching everything. I know he won’t hurt me. I know deep down inside, he is a good man, even if on the outside he puts up a dangerous front. Shawn is not who he wants everyone to think he is, at least not all the way.

I can see Shawn. He is now standing behind Sherri. Sherri, for the first time ever, is completely quiet. I can tell by her body language that she doesn’t know what to do. We have never had this happen before, but then again, Shawn has never hired a survivor of DV before.

Man, it took me years to be able to say that word, because for so long, I didn’t believe I survived. I was still trying to stay above water when I first moved here, but then I found this place, and it changed everything.

The people here reminded me how strong I am. That I am worth it. That I can do this. They gave me the skills I needed to swim instead of allowing myself to drown, and after everything I have learned, none of it comes to mind now as I stare through the crack. All the skills and knowledge I have gained have left my mind, and the only thing that remains is my fear. My fear of the man who has walked into the center that has become my safe haven. My fear of this man taking me back to the place where I lost myself.

I take a deep breath as I look from Sherri to the man that caught my attention. The man that made my heart sink standing on the other side of the counter is Jesse Cannon, my ex. Histhreats and promises flood my mind. The threat and promises he made in front of everyone in the courtroom before they took him to prison.

“I know she works here,” Jesse states through gritted teeth.

How did he find me so quickly? Has he been watching me this entire time? Why didn’t the officers call to let me know he got out? Did he hurt them to find out where I was? All these questions consume my mind as my heart starts to race even faster.

“I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t tell you if she does or does not,” Sherri states with confidence.

She is doing a good job not showing Jesse that she is afraid. I, on the other hand, am terrified. I want to run for the door and keep running, but I know I wouldn’t get that far. He would catch me. And even if I wanted to, I can’t. I am frozen exactly where I am. This spot right now is my new prison, my new nightmare, as I continue to look at my ex, the man I used to love. That man did nothing but hurt me and take from me until I had nothing left to give.

“Don’t fucking play this game with me. I know for a fucking fact she works here and she is in this building right now.” Jesse says, getting louder.

Even after all these years, I know him, and I know that soon he will lose all control and power over himself.

“Sir, like I have told you, I can’t give you any information,” Sherri states in a stern voice. She is my friend, one of my only friends, and to see her standing up to him makes me want to smile. Reminds me of the life I have created for myself.

“This is bullshit!” he screams as he slams his hands onto the counter.

I jump and quickly lift my hands and place them over my mouth to keep myself silent as I watch Shawn go aroundthe counter so fast that Jesse doesn’t have time to react. Shawn walks right into him, quickly lifts his hand, and grabs Jesse’s throat. I have never seen anyone stand up to Jesse. Where I am from, everyone stays clear of him. They are afraid of him, but Shawn is afraid of no one.

“Get your fucking hands off of me!” Jesse yells in Shawn’s face. The look in Jesse’s eyes right now brings me back to the courthouse, back to when I was on the stand, sharing with everyone what Jesse did to me after he kidnapped me. The look he is giving Shawn right now is the look that has haunted my nightmares. The look he used to keep me in line, the look that let me know I was about to get punished.

Shawn doesn’t say anything, but I see that he tightens his grip on Jesse’s throat. Jesse lifts his hands and grabs Shawn’s wrist, trying to get his hand off him, but Shawn is much stronger. Watching Jesse struggle against Shawn makes me realize just how little power and control he has right now. When we are around others, the power and control he had over me when we were alone disappears.

“If I ever fucking see you on my property again, you will fucking regret it,” Shawn states in a dark voice, making chills go down my spine.

“What the fuck you gonna do, dude? I will find her,” Jesse says, keeping his eyes deadlocked on Shawn. Neither one of them is backing down.

Shawn leans in, his face now a few inches away from Jesse’s. Shawn stands still against Jesse. The room is completely silent for a moment.

“I will fucking kill you,” Shawn states, and I know he will. I believe his words. I know what he says is not just a threat, it is a promise—a deadly promise.

“You can’t threaten me,” Jesse states in a surprised voice. He is not used to someone standing up to him, but I know Shawnand Shawn will not back down.

“I can do whatever the fuck I want. This is my town. Now get the fuck out,” Shawn says in a low dark voice as he releases Jesse’s throat. Jesse quickly moves away from Shawn. He stands still for a moment, looking Shawn up and down.

“You will fucking regret keeping her from me,” Jesse yells, continuing to look at Shawn.

“Get out,” Shawn repeats, pointing to the entrance of the building.

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