Page 9 of Lost in Me

I slowly nod.

His eyes stay locked on me, his hands tighten around my wrists.

“What are you afraid of?” he asks in a soft voice, lettingme know he is not angry by my body’s reaction, which in turn makes my body relax a little. He is not going to hit me, punish me, or hurt me.

“That you are like him,” I whisper in a low, shaky voice, feeling my body starting to tense up again by my words.

“I promise, Angel, I am not him” he states with confidence. The same confidence he has had since I met him.

I don’t respond as he releases my wrists. He takes a step back once again, taking his warmth with him.

I watch him in the mirror as he quickly undresses. It doesn’t take him long to remove his clothes. Without clothes, I can see his entire body is covered in tattoos from the neck down. No naked skin, all covered. He is beautiful.

He closes the distance between us and grabs onto my hips forcing me to turn toward the shower. He walks into me, slowly guiding me into the open shower. This is not like me, but then again, I don’t really know who I am anymore. Everything has changed today.

Jesse is back, and I have no idea what he has planned for me. Shawn, well, he is intoxicating, and honestly, it feels nice being wanted in this way, even if it is for a short time. Men like Shawn never stay with women like me, and with the baggage and past I have, I wouldn’t blame him for walking away.

Chapter Six

Shawn

I guide her into the shower. I tighten my grip on her hips as we both stand under the hot water. I want to move my hands. I want to explore her, but I don’t. Patience is the key. I am surprised she has let it go this far, but I know she is scared. She is afraid I am like her ex, and I can’t blame her after what she has been through with him. If I was her, I would be afraid, too.

I am nothing like him, we are the opposite in every way possible. I am not going to lie and say I am a good man, because I am not. But what I can say is that I will never use my words, body, or behaviors to hurt her.

I will show her just how worthy she is to be treated with love and respect. She deserves the very best and so much more, and even though I don’t deserve her by any means, I will spend the rest of my life earning her, proving that my words and my actions will match in every way.

I lean in and place my lips against her ear, my chest against her back. She slowly lifts her hands and rests them on the shower wall in front of us. I am not normally this gentle or patient, but with her, it is different. It must be different.

She is special, and she will be treated as such. I have been with so many women, I can’t even remember their faces anymore. I was trying to fill the emptiness inside my chest, but there was only one face I saw. Hers. It has always been her, but she wasn’t ready for me, so I waited, but now the door is open, and I refuse to give her up.

“Let me show you what it would be like if you choose to be mine,” I whisper. She is not the only one who is nervous. She makes me just as nervous as I make her, which is funny because normally I am not like this.

“But I am not yours,” she whispers back. Her words makemy heart sink because it is true. But even though it is true right now in this moment, it doesn’t sting any less. I don’t like those words leaving her mouth.

She isn’t mine, but part of me wants her to be mine, and the other part knows my world is not good for her. I am not good for her, but fuck, I can’t stop now.

A good man would stop and walk away, but I can’t do either of those no matter how logical and right it is. I guess I am just illogical and wrong, but with her, it will never feel wrong.

“You could be, Angel,” I state with as much confidence as I can. She seems to be able to make me feel like a fucking teenage boy who doesn’t have much confidence. I have never had a women question me nor challenge me, but this woman, this Angel, does both.

“Why?” she asks, making me even more confused.

“Why what?” I ask her. Her question takes me by surprise.

“Why would you want a woman like me?” she asks in a serious and stern voice. I have never been asked this before.

“Why wouldn’t I?” I answer back, not hiding my confusion. Why wouldn’t I want her? Have I made her think I don’t? This woman tests me in ways a woman has never done before. She is smart and not afraid to ask questions.

She quickly drops her hands and turns around, forcing me to let go of her hips. She leans against the wall as I lift my hands and plant them firmly on the wall above her head. I lean into her, pinning her against me and the wall.

“Shawn, look at me,” she says sternly, her eyes searching mine.

“I am looking at you,” I state softly. She doesn’t know I have been looking at her since the day she walked into my office asking for a job. It is hardnotto look at her.

She and I have been playing this hot-and-cold game foryears, and it is time we both give in to the desire I know we have for each other. I know she is scared. I know this is the most fucked-up time to seduce her, but I can’t help it. She drives me fucking crazy.

She shakes her head but keeps her eyes on me. “I have a lot of baggage and trauma and a crazy ex. Men like you don’t settle for women like me,” she states in a cold distance voice. I have never seen her like this before, but I have never tried anything with her. I have never seen her go on a date or talk about a boyfriend.

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