Page 36 of Lost the Handle

“Just tell me to wait for you,” I whisper as I slide my nose along hers.

Emery strokes her fingers over my cheek as she hiccups a sob. Her eyes drown in tears, her lips trembling as her gaze refuses to leave mine. My heart aches when she shakes her head. “I can’t. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“I would, though,” I promise. I’d do anything for this girl.

Tears slide down her cheeks, and I quickly wipe them away with my thumb. Her voice is small as she whispers, “I know, which is why I won’t ask.”

I can’t take this. I squeeze my eyes shut tighter and press my nose into hers. “I love you, Emery, and I think I always will.”

I’m notsure how I keep it together.

How I don’t allow my heart to beat out of my chest.

Or go insane from the constant ringing in my ears.

Or die from the pain of my heart shattering within me.

But I do.

That is, until the door opens and my mom looks up at me sleepily, and I let the first tear fall.

“Quinn?” My mom stands in her purple Assassins PJs that have pictures of my dad all over them. On her feet are her purple slippers with the Assassins’ emblem on the toe. Even her robe is Assassins purple, and on the lapel, it reads Mrs. Adler. I bought her that robe.

She’s the Assassins’ biggest fan.

But right now, she’s my mom.

Confusion is on her face, but when she sees another tear roll down my cheek, she springs into action. She wraps her arms around me, holding me so close that I’m unable to draw a breath, and I’m grateful for that.

It hurts to breathe.

It’s hurt to fucking exist since Emery walked away from me.

I don’t even recognize my own voice as I whisper, “Mom.”

“I’m here, sweetheart,” she says, gathering my huge body against hers. “Are you hurt?”

I can’t answer her. I only clutch her as she squeezes me tightly. I’m not hurt, not in the bloody way, even though I feel as if I went to war with Emery. She hit me where I was weak, with her sweet, gorgeous body, and I almost gave in. I wanted to so damn badly. Then she attacked me with my own move, and hearing her voice as she sang that song hit me right on target. It made me want to call everything off. She made me want to believe the words she sang.

Made me wish for what I want—Her. Forever.

But then Ava’s words started playing on a loop in my head, and I could no longer hear Emery’s voice. Only Ava’s.

“If she loved you even a fraction of the amount you love her, she wouldn’t have left you.”

Ava was right when she assumed Emery would ruin things. I had to shut it down. I had to. I couldn’t let her hurt Ava’s imageor let her singing to me get back to her parents. The thing is, I didn’t expect it to get that heated.

I didn’t expect to utter those words.

I don’t love you.

I choke on a sob as Mom pulls back, reaching up to wipe my face free of the tears. “Quinn baby, talk to me. Who do I need to kill?”

I know she’s trying to make me laugh, but I don’t think I’m able to make that sound anymore. I lean down, resting my chin on her head. Once more, she wraps her arms around me, rubbing my back as she lays her head on my chest. I swallow hard before sniffing back another round of tears that want to escape.

“I lied, Mom.”

I feel her tense beneath me. “That’s okay. I’m sure you can fix it.”

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