Page 54 of Expensive

Most of those memories I wouldn’t mind losing, but I met Timber because of my bond ache. We made our baby together after my father showed up and reminded me of the danger the Monroes presented.

Am I willing to give up those memories?

The bee lifts off the flower, and Sarah leans closer to it. “The problem is that it’s impossible to separate memories in the human mind like that without what is called a ‘flicker.’ You’ll still be able to feel the presence of the memories you no longer have access to. So close, but never quite there. Like a flutter in the corner of your eye. And when you turn your head to see if it’s a bee or a fly or some other insect, it will be gone.”

The bee disappears. Or maybe it wasn’t ever a bee, but part of Sarah’s magic.

Maybe it’s a part of this house. The rose bushes are more muted now. Not fuzzy, exactly, but not as bright either.

“Sometimes a lost memory will leave behind the slightest hint of lavender, which you assume is from the soap you used to wash your hands, even though you never buy lavender soap. Sometimes it’s nothing but a tingle along the back of your neck. But regardless of how it manifests, the footprints are always there. Or perhaps I should say they are almost there. That’s how you know. When an image, smell, or sensation comes and goes like the flicker of a flame, that is a lost memory trying to hint at its presence.”

As she stands, a light blue seeps into her white dress, rushing along the fabric until it’s stained every inch. Her skirts no longer look like clouds, but a clear blue sky.

“People don’t like to think their memory is fragile. It’s too frightening. You will avoid anything or anyone who causes your mind to seek those mental pathways it can no longer cross. You’ll likely move away from your current home, choose an entirely different profession, and leave behind everyone you love. I’ve seen it again and again. If you’re doing this to be with someone, you’ll find him repulsive. If you’re here to give a family member peace of mind, you won’t want to see them again.”

She continues walking through the garden. For a moment, the flowers turn from roses to daisies, but it doesn’t last. The rose bushes return, larger and taller than before. It’s hard to trust them this time. I never thought the existence of roses was something I would question. The realization makes me feel a little unhinged.

Is this what my life would be if I did the spell? Would I be constantly afraid and and refuse to see Timber? Would I reject the child growing in my womb?

“There was a time when I was whole. Or I think there was. I don’t know the first thing about who I am or who I was anymore. There are too many holes. Too many tiny pairs of wings fluttering around my mind. Learn from my mistake. Magic is not a force to be trifled with lightly. It may seem like the perfect solution to your problems, but sometimes those problems are far better than what it will leave in its wake.”

Sarah slowly walks back to the grand house, opening the French doors we came through. As she pulls the handle, the door turns from glass to stone, then back to glass again.

When I make my way to the door, I notice that my feet are lighter. They’re still weighted, but much less than they used to be.

“Do you remember your mate?” I ask. I wonder if she performed memory magic on herself to forget something Kim did. If she’s evil, maybe her actions were painful for Sarah to remember.

“That’s a very personal question,” she says.

“I’m sorry—”

“It’s okay. My mate is crystal clear in my mind. I wouldn’t ever put those memories in jeopardy.”

She walks through the halls that were completely ordinary earlier, except for being a little fuzzy. Now the wallpaper changes color and texture along our path.

Is she making this happen on purpose in some misguided effort to get me to change my mind? For all I know, this could simply be a part of her magic, and every bit of it is intentional.

“Then you love your mate,” I say. Maybe Howard was lying too, and Kim isn’t evil after all. How do I know what part of this experience is true and what is just a fabrication of the warlocks I’ve been told my entire life not to trust?

“I will always love her. She’s my fated mate. But I’m no fool. I know what kind of woman she’s become, and I know I need to kill her.”

So then Howard was telling the truth. Maybe Sarah is telling the truth too. If she is, what am I going to do?

“Am I just supposed to live with my bond ache, then? I found this man I’m really in love with, but I can’t be with him unless the bond ache is gone.”

We reach the front door. She opens it for me. “My only advice is to find happiness where you can. Your life will never be perfect.”

“But can’t you do a different spell for me that will allow me to keep him safe while I’m with him? Please. I’m pregnant with his child.”

She gives me a sad smile. “I can’t be the solution to your problem. I’m sorry. The magic swimming around your feet is waning. You need to leave.”

I step outside, unsure of what to do next. I already paid with Frankie to get here. And for what?

She shuts the door behind me.

25

Timber

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