Page 151 of Five Summers

On the way down in the lift, Theo throws out questions about Alex.

Half an hour later, I’m sitting off to the side in the stands of the stadium. The sound check is already two hours behind schedule, and still, Xander hasn’t shown up. Kit sits with me, chatting about something related to the band’s schedule, but I’m distracted and not really listening, so I just nod. My focus is on the stage where Theo is messing up the first song. Whoever told him he could sing should've kept their mouth shut, because he sounds like crap.

Reg got all worked up when he saw Xander wasn’t with us when we arrived.

Once Reg started yelling at me, Nate lost his cool and told him to go to hell. Reg then took off with Neil and a handful of the security crew to locate him and drag him back, no doubt. I saw Neil's loyalty firsthand when Xander went missing, so I’m confident he won’t say anything about where Xander might be.

When Kit points to the left, I turn my head. My heart races when I see Xander coming towards me. I am relieved to see him, but there’s a part of me that hopes Reg isn’t back, because if he is, he’ll be here soon, shouting for Xander to get his ass on the stage.

I watch him approach, unaware that Kit has already left until I straighten up in my seat and notice her empty chair.

"I'm sorry, Princess," he says, sitting in the seat next to me, his voice trembling with sadness, his eyes filled with hurt as he looks at me.

“No, Xander, I’m sorry,” I add, swallowing over the thickness in my throat.

“Stop.” The pure agony cutting into the sharp lines on his face renders me speechless. “None of this is your fault. My actions have caused a world of hurt. And I need to make things right between us.” He peers up at Theo belting out a song, and his mouth smirks. “The fucker told me he could sing.” He turns in the seat, so he’s facing me, to give me his full attention. He lifts his hand and pushes my hair back behind my shoulders, and I can see he’s open, his shield is down, and I see the real Xander, the exposed one, the one with all the scars, the one who let me in all those years ago.

“I wish I’d been a better man back then. But I fucked up the day I left you, and I’ve been regretting it ever since. But the fact that I left you pregnant and alone, I’m just so pissed off with myself for doing that to you. To you, Princess. That’s what hurts the most. I’m sorry you had to do it alone. It hurts to think that all this time I’ve had a son out there and I didn’t know.”

“I’m sorry.” The tears come to my eyes. “I honestly thought you didn’t want anything to do with us. And then I saw you with all those girls and I thought you’d moved on.”

“Shh!” he presses his finger to my lips, silencing me. “Most of that stuff was just Reg and the label trying to get more eyes on the band. But none of that matters now. That’s not important. This is.”

Remorse squeezes my heart when I see pain flicker in his eyes. “Too much time has been lost already because of what I did. I know I can’t change what happened, but I want to make it right for you and Alex. If you give me a chance to make it right, I'll walk away from all this right now.”

It shocks me that he would give all this away for us, the thing he has worked so hard to get. “Xander, I don’t want you to do that.”

“But I want you, Princess. I know I’ve never said that before because it scared the hell out of me, but I’ve always wanted you. And I want Alex. And if I have to give all this up to have the both of you, then I will give it up in a heartbeat. I’ve already lost you once, so I know exactly what matters and what doesn’t. I don’t plan on losing you again. Just tell me it’s not too late and that you still want me, despite what I did.”

He swallows as he stares at me, waiting for my response. Hearing his words, expressing that he wants us, the both of us, causes an overwhelming surge of emotions within me, that makes me want to cry.

“No, Xander, it’s not too late.”

Before I can utter another word, he lifts his hand and weaves his fingers through my hair. With a firm grip, he pulls my face towards him and his lips crash against mine. The kiss is filled with so much passion that I lose all concept of time. By the time we pull apart, I’m left totally breathless.

Chapter fifty-eight

Xander

After spending some time reflecting in the park, I knew I had to make things right. Now, as I sit here with Poppy, I can hear Theo in the background, completely butchering another one of my songs. Although I know I should step in and put a stop to it, as I’m certain my ears will soon bleed, I know this moment with Poppy holds greater importance. Resolving this issue is my utmost priority because it is what truly matters to me. It is what my heart truly desires - the chance to create a family with the woman I love and to establish a deep bond with my son.

Screw everything else. I’ve worked my ass off to get where I am, while Poppy has put hers on hold. I haven’t told her howI feel yet. The words are right there on the tip of my tongue, ready to say, but I hesitate and can’t get them out. Why is it so ridiculously hard to say those three simple words aloud?

“You need to stop running away whenever things get tough, Xander,” Poppy says.

I realize that this has been my issue all along - evading problems and attempting to hide from reality, hoping that things will miraculously resolve themselves.

“I know. I promise, Princess, no more running away. You have my word. Does Alex know about me?”

“Yes. He knows that the second half of his name is the same as yours. That’s why I called him Alexander. So he had a little piece of you, even though you weren't there.”

Tears well in my eyes upon learning that she included my name with our sons. It makes me realize she never hated me the way I thought she did. She would never have included my name in our son’s name if she did.

“What else have you told him about me?” I ask.

“Only that his daddy is working very hard. And one day soon, hopefully, he’ll meet him.”

“I want to meet him,” I say, more tears forming in my eyes. The dark scars that I carry are no secret to Poppy; she's seen them before, and I don't care if she witnesses this side of me. “I may not have a clue about being a father, but I want to be there for him as his dad.”

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