Page 93 of Five Summers

When Alex was just nine months old, I left my mother’s house because I couldn’t handle the situation any longer. It wascrucial for me to make that move when I did. It was hard because my mom wouldn't stop telling Alex how terrible his dad was.

I wanted to shield him from that negativity, but I promise to share all the amazing things about Xander when he’s old enough. Right now, Alex only knows that his dad is away, involved in something really important. I don’t want Alex to have a negative opinion of Xander, as I truly hope they will meet someday. Hopefully, in the future, Xander will have the opportunity to know his wonderful son and see how truly beautiful he is.

As Alex continues to grow, I can’t help but notice more and more of Xander’s features shining through. Whether it’s his dark eyes, his hair, or that mischievous grin, they all remind me of him.

Alex’s passion for music truly comes to life when he talks about his favorite songs. His eyes light up with excitement, and he absolutely adores it when we play my dad’s vinyls and joyfully dance around the room together. Alex is my everything - my heart, the reason I breathe.

These days, I don’t really have much to do with my mom, unless it’s absolutely necessary. It all started when I was struggling to pay my bills, and I reached out to her for some financial help to get back on my feet. Sadly, she turned me down, stating that I had made my decision and I must face the consequences. This left me with no other choice but to part ways with my cherished keyboard.

So, now my mom wants nothing to do with Alex. Because of that, he doesn't get to see his grandma anymore.

When we first moved here, she didn't want to come over because she didn't like how our place looked. I would take Alex to his grandma's so they could spend time together. However, I stopped doing that because of the constant taunts she made about Xander. It made me realize that if she truly wanted tospend time with Alex, she would make the effort regardless of where we lived. So, I decided not to take him there anymore. Surprisingly, she didn't even bother to call and ask why I did that.

From the start, my intention was to escape my mother’s control. Though this apartment may not be anything extraordinary, it has become my sanctuary. Initially, I had planned to reside here for only twelve months, so I could save up to secure a better place for us. But when my first job fell through, all my dreams of a better life and a career in musical therapy went out the window. My current job doesn’t offer a high salary, but the tips can vary and sometimes help cover the bills. I have contemplated taking on a second job, but that would mean sacrificing time with Alex, and I refuse to become one of those mothers who are constantly working and hardly ever see their child.

When I go to work, Alex hangs out with my neighbor, Mrs. Baxter, or Mrs. B. as I call her, who's older than my mom. She's the sweetest old lady you'll ever meet. She's basically Alex's grandma now. Mrs. Baxter is truly wonderful. Alex totally loves her, and honestly, I get along better with her than my own mother. I told her everything about Xander and what happened between us. The best thing is that she just sat and listened, never saying anything bad about Xander. It feels like I can confide in her about all the things I’ve never been able to share with my mother.

I shuffle the bills scattered on the table, overwhelmed by the sheer number. I quickly grab my phone and pay the one bill I can't put off for another week.

Glancing at the clock, I realize that it’s time to get ready for tonight. My body is buzzing with nerves, just thinking about seeing him again. Once again, I make a mental note to shield my heart from potential pain.

Throughout the years, I’ve never been involved in a romantic relationship. I've only had one man in my life, and that's Xander. Honestly, I never really cared about finding someone to date because Alex was always my top priority. However, at work, there’s Tom, the sleazy bartender who constantly flirts and makes inappropriate comments. His behavior is enough to deter me from wanting anyone to look at me the way I used to desire.

With a sigh and knowing that I cannot put it off any longer, I finally get up and quickly hide the bills in the kitchen drawer.

Once I’ve changed into my work clothes and tied my long hair into its usual ponytail, I walk over to the couch to check on Alex. The moment I touch his forehead to check his fever, his eyes open, revealing his deep brown gaze. When he notices me sitting beside him, a smile spreads across his face, reminding me of Xander.

“Hey buddy, how are you feeling?” I ask, feeling relieved to see that he might be a little better than he was a few hours ago.

“I’m thirsty,” he replies.

I reach over and grab the glass of water I left on the table beside him.

He sits up and I help him take a big sip of water.

I hear a soft tap on the front door, indicating that Mrs. Baxter has arrived to take care of Alex while I go to work. I put the glass back on the table and head toward the door, ready to welcome her.

“Hi,” I say, smiling, holding the door open for her to come in.

“How is he doing?” she asks.

“Better. Not as bad as before,” I reply, closing the door.

“Oh, that’s great news, Poppy. I’ve been so worried about him. And how are you feeling about tonight?” she asks.

“I’m a little nervous,” I admit.

“Don’t worry, you’ll be fine, sweetie,” she reassures me, reaching out to rest her hand on my arm. “Just go with it and see what happens. That’s all you can do.”

“I know,” I nod, giving her a false smile. “But honestly, I'm freaking out about seeing Xander again. I’m not sure if I can handle another rejection from him.”

“It will work out exactly how it’s supposed to,’ she reassures me.

The sound of little feet walking on the wooden floor has us turning around.

“GG,” Alex says, as he comes over and wraps his arms around Mrs. B.’s legs.

I can’t help but smile at the endearing name Alex has given her. The name they came up with when he asked if she was his grandma a while ago. I remember feeling at a loss for words that day, but Mrs. B. reassured Alex that even though she wasn’t his biological grandmother, that would make their bond just as special.

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