Page 15 of A Breath of Fresh Air

“No.”

“Amaia.”

“No.I need you to go. And I need… I need to pull the pin on this.”

“Why?” There’s an anger in his voice that I haven’t heard before. I watch him dress, unable to answer, continuously wiping at the tears that won’t stop falling. When he looks at me, I shake my head. I can’t answer that question. I don’t know the answer to it.

“Do you really want to end this?” he asks, his face etched with pain.

No.

“Yes,” I say.

Brett

We could have made this work. I would have made this work.

I’m sorry.

AUGUST

My alarm goes off, and I wake with a start. It’s still dark out, but there’s a marathon to train for.

A marathon where Brett won’t be waiting for me at the finish line. He’d said he’d be my biggest cheerleader. My heart aches terribly, and I roll over, pulling the blankets up over my head and shutting out the world.

Brett

I miss talking to you. Feel free to tell me to fuck off if I’m annoying you. Just wanted to say hi.

I won’t tell you to fuck off.

I miss you too.

SEPTEMBER

Ellie’s voice is cautious over the phone. “Are you still planning on coming down for the festival next month?”

“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?” I sound defensive to my own ears, and my daughter’s silence on the other end speaks volumes. “It’s a big thing for the both of you. I’m so proud, Ellie, of course I’m going to come along to see the garden.”

Ellie and Van’s garden at Lost Moon is one of the ten chosen this year for the annual Motuwai Island Garden Festival. It’s one that she designed, and I know she puts a lot of her own time into maintaining it. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.

“Brett will be there. He helped work on it. He still does too, voluntarily.”

Hearing his name brings a fresh stab of pain, but I’ve already been aching all this time anyway.

“That’s fine.”

“Mm. I love you Mama, and I just want you to be happy. You guys seemed like such a good match. He said it was your choice, and I?—”

“He talked toyouabout me?” I’m upset and hurt about the situation, but the idea of him complaining to Ellie makes me —

“No, Mama. He’s been crying so much around here that Van had a chat with him — you know Van, he’s pack alpha, and he’s scooping up lone wolves. Van offered Brett a place in the pack if he wanted it, but Brett said no, he’s still connected to his pack in Queensland. But he cries all the time.”

“At work?” My voice is small while I fight to keep the tears at bay.

“After work. Sorry, I mean he shifts into his wolf and cries, you know what it sounds like when they’re sad. It’s heartbreaking. He shifts straight after work, and his wolf goes and sits in the garden and stares out at the ocean and cries and howls, and he’s been doing it for almost two months. He’s the loveliest man, and if you’re not into him that’s fine! But I thought you really were; when I saw you two together you seemed so happy, the happiest you’ve ever been, and now you’ve pulled out of that marathon and —”

“My life is here!” I can’t hold back the hiccupped sob, and I hate that Ellie hears it. “My job is here. The house is here and I’m still paying off the mortgage on the tiny house. Dad is here — I can’t move away from him! I don’t want to waste Brett’s time when he could be finding some gorgeous woman that can live with him — you’ve seen him! He could get anyone! He’s so wonderful, he can find someone, not me who is stuck here!”

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