Page 16 of A Breath of Fresh Air

“Mum.”

“No, listen to me, he can do better than what I have to offer —”

“Mum! You listen to me! You have so much to offer, and I have money! You don’t even have to work anymore if you don’t want to!”

“I’m not asking for money, I don’t want your money, I’m not going to be a grifter and —”

“Mama, you arenota grifter. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about this all anyway, but then the thing with Brett happenedand I thought it was best not to push it. I can’t believe it’s all about this anyway.” I can hear her crying, too. “Youdowant him, don’t you?”

“YourKorois up here.”

“In a rest home, yeah! He could be in a rest home down here! He could be in his own little house, we can pay for a nurse privately, he can live on the island!Mum!Are you serious that this is what it’s all been about?”

“I’ve been at that job for twenty six years.”

“Exactly. You’ve given it a good run. You’ve helped so many kids, Mum, but you don’t owe them your life or your happiness. There’s children on this island. There’s multiple daycares here.”

She falls quiet, and I clap my hand over my mouth, holding the phone away from my ear, trying not to let her hear me cry.

“Mum? I worry about you. I love you. I love you, and I think he loves you, too.”

And I love him.“It’sscary,Ellie,” I croak. “I have done everything myself for my entire life. I don’t know anything about being in relationships.”

“It’s scary and it’s wonderful,” Ellie replies. “It’s always scary when you love someone. It’s scary because… what if it doesn’t work out? But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take the leap anyway. If youlovehim and youwantto be with him, please don’t let fear stop you from actually living.”

“But the money, Ellie, andKoro…”

“Korocan move. I’m ninety-nine point nine percent certain that he doesn’t give a shit about the rest home. I think he’d be way happier on Motuwai. I’ve been meaning to suggest it to you, anyway.”

“The mortgage and the house.” I’m just making excuses now. Tears stream down my face. I’ve lived here all my adult life. I can hear the ocean from here.

I can hear the ocean from Brett’s place, too.

“Mama, I will take care of any money stuff. And I know what it’s like, trust me, I was so funny about Van helping me out financially and I still get irrationally protective of my own shit sometimes, but…hundreds of millions, Mum. Van doesn’t need that much. I don’t need that much. We can pay the fifty grand owed on your mortgage. You can find a job on the island, or you could retire early! You can rent both the bach and the tiny home out on a more permanent basis and get regular income coming in from that instead. I’m not trying to push you but —”

“Oh, you’re pushing me.”

“I think you need it, Mum. I hate seeing you stuck, I hate seeing you sad. I want you to be happy. And if you move to Motuwai, you’ll be close to me. You always talk about me giving youmokos… well I’m going to have babiessomeday, so you better be planning on moving here anyway. I miss you too, you know.”

I nod, despite the fact that she can’t see me. She can hear my sniffles, though, and makes a distressed sound.

“Mama —”

“I’m fine.” I’m not, but I think I will be. If he forgives me. “I have to talk to yourKoro. I can’t agree to this on his behalf. I have to check that he’d be willing to move.”

“He’s gonna say yes, Mum,” Ellie says, and I can already hear the excitement in her voice.

“Yes.”

“Dad, don’t you want to think about this for more than a second?”

Dad shakes his head, leaning forward in the single armchair in his bedroom. I’m sitting on a chair I swiped from the diningroom. “Nope. You’ve been sad for weeks and weeks, after being so giddy after Ellie’s wedding, and now I know why. And before that you were just going through the motions. I’ve been worried about you for a long time. I want you to be happy.”

“But I want you to be happy, too.”

“You think I’m happy here in this old place? Van already upgraded me to better rooms, but those kids are too far away. I’ll be happier living in a place that I can call my own, that has a garden, that has youandEllie nearby.”

“One day Brett wants to move back to Australia. When his daughter is eighteen.”

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