Page 44 of Locke

“What the hell is goin’ on, Locke? Is this from the shit with Spike?” he asks, trying to understand what the hell is going on. There’s no way. I don’t even know what’s going on in this head of mine anymore.

“I don’t fuckin’ know, Gunner.”

“You don’t know? You don’t fuckin’ know, but you put your hands in my sister?” Hodge screams before stepping back in front of me. I don’t know what to say to them. I don’t know how to make this right. I’m so fucked up right now that I can’t see straight, and I’ll gladly take what they have to give.

Gunner pushes him back a few steps before he’s in my face.

“You put your hands on my daughter, Locke?” I nod my head, unable to answer him verbally because it fucking disgusts me I did that. The next thing I know, his fist is colliding with my face. A few more hits and the world goes dark.

I woke up sometime the next day in my room, lying on the floor. The metallic taste of blood in my mouth makes me gag when a bucket is thrust in front of me.

“Puke in that,” Remy suggests before disappearing into the bathroom. He comes back out with a wash rag in his hand and passes it to me.

“Thanks.”

“Don’t thank me. I should have beat your ass with the rest of them,” he says. He’s probably right. He should have. I spit in the bucket before wiping my face on the cloth. Dried blood peels off my skin as I do.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I could have done somethin’, Locke.”

“Nothin’ to do, Remy. I’m fucked up.”

“We all are, but hurtin’ Kiki?”

“I didn’t mean to. Things got carried away.”

I reach for the pack of cigarettes on the bed and light one up before leaning back against the wall. My head is swimming, and my stomach is churning. I can’t stop thinking about Kiki.

I ruined her. I ruined what part of her she had left that thought there were good men out there. I messed with her heart and head. I’m a complete piece of shit for it too. I’ve managed to ruin two women in my life at different times. How could I do that? What kind of man does that make me?

“I could have fuckin’ helped you, brother.”

“I know. I’m sorry, Remy. I fucked up badly. I just … fuck man! The past is always there. It almost killed Kiki. And I still can’t get past it.”

“Things happen for a reason, Locke. I believe that. But you gotta get your shit together, brother. This is just your downfall, your rock bottom. Now it’s time to climb the fuck back up.”

“I know, brother. I know that.”

“The past is always gonna be there. You have to learn to live with it. Kiki told Tina, and Tina told me what happened. That’s not on you, Locke. Genie did what she did, and that’s that. You didn’t do it, brother. I know it’s hard to believe and hard to take in, but that isn’t on you.”

“I can see her in my goddam sleep, Remy. Her fuckin’ face as it morphs into Kiki. Do you know how fuckin’ scary that is?”

“You saw me?” I hear her voice, and my stomach clenches. She shouldn’t be back here. She shouldn’t be near me at all. I turn my head at the same time Remy does to see Kiki standing in the doorway.

“You were dead,” I whisper, but she hears me. I see the tears as they sparkle in her eyes before slowly slipping down her cheeks.

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I couldn’t. I didn’t want to scare you away,” I tell her. She crosses her arms over her chest when Remy stands from the bed and walks out. He pats her on the shoulder as I blow smoke into the air. Kiki walks toward me and sits on the edge of the bed.

“Your Dad know you’re here?” I ask her.

“Not yet. I wanted to talk to you first.”

“About what?”

“You look terrible,” she says softly as she takes me in. I’m bruised, bloody, and a fucking mess.

“So I’ve been told. What are you doin’ here?” I ask as I shove myself up the wall. That’s when she sees everything they did to me. Blood stains my shirt and body. Her eyes widen as she comes toward me but I throw my hands up to stop her.

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