Page 41 of Sin of the Saints

“Miss…” he stammers, awestruck, but I don’t stick around to deal with the consequences. I run as fast as I can and disappear into the crowd before he can realize that Lilith is not just a name: She’s flesh and blood and she’s here, in the lands of Adam.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Hillel

Lilith flees at remarkable speed, and I can’t help letting out a chuckle. When she disappears up the stairwell I pull out of Naomi and zip up my pants.

“You’re a selfish lover,” she grumbles. “I didn’t get to come.”

She forgets her place, and I grab a fistful of her hair and growl into her ear, “I’m not your lover.” She whines and I release my hold on her. “Call Othello. He’ll be pleased to hear you’ve awakened.” She winces at the sound of the name of the one who gave her his heart, and was left with broken remnants. Maybe it was the fate of all those who gave their hearts to demonesses like Lilith.

She walks over to the vintage phone standing on a wooden dresser and makes the call. She doesn’t wait long, and says: “Othello.” There’s a long silence. “Valentina’s training is at an end. This is Naomi.” Another silence torments me, and I approach the earpiece to eavesdrop.

“Naomi.” I hear Othello speak her name with a trembling voice.

I snatch the handle from her. “You’re summoned by your Creator. If you don’t respond, your end will be the same as that traitor Ashmedai.”

I hear him exhale. “Of course.”

“Very good. Spread the word throughout the castle, without Ashmedai knowing. Am I clear?”

“Yes, Father,” he hurriedly answers, and then his voice grows hesitant. “I thought I’d imagined it when I tasted your blood the day you came to interview for the position of lecturer, but my prayer was heard.”

“I heard it,” I answer. “Because no prayer is stronger than that of the damned.”

I plummet onto the couch, to gather my strength before I approach Lilith. Fortunately, Naama leaves me be.

Lilith is so different.

I can’t help remembering the first day I noticed her in the flowering field. Innocence was so beautiful in her, but wantonness was what made her a destructive, mesmerizing force of nature. And before I realized what was happening, I too was burned by the fire that was and remains her entire being.

Humans claim that people don’t change. Their human nature is meant to stumble into evil, which was always an advantage to my forces over my Creator. On the other hand, the other part of humanity is a light so bright that one beam in the darkness is enough to banish my corruptions.

But not Lilith. She is driven by light, despite the dark existence within her.

The way she looks to the heavens, especially at sunrise, expresses her secret longing. That which crushes me again andagain each time. Because as the truth is revealed to me, I understand that it was never a matter of choosing Him or me. I might flow in her veins because she fed from me, butHeis the one who controls her heart. We both covet her, and will continue fighting over her.

I’m not like Him, I don’t know the meaning of mercy or forgiveness. I want to punish her for her crimes, and conquer her all at once. And I find myself continuing to envyHimfor that which has eluded me, and might perhaps never return: hope.Hehas an abundance of it, and it seemsHe’s managed to pass it on to Lilith as well. On that first day my eyes fell upon her, I knew what truth and life were, and if I can’t have her, no one will.

“Are you ready?” Naama holds a hand out to me, waiting for my response.

Always, my heart responds.For her I’m always ready.

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.But the greatest of these is love1.”

And so it has come to this at last. The moment he turned his back on faith, the moment his love turned her back on him, he was bereft of all hope. Loneliness was his only companion, even the beating of his heart slowed until it too abandoned him. Hillel brought his hand to his chest and felt nothing. Nothing at all. A miserable emptiness threatened to swallow him whole.

What is the point of immortality, unlife? A sentence second to none in its severity. The memory of her image hovers before him, as though haunting and tormenting him for what he couldn’t be to her. Was it foolish of him to still want someone who no longer wanted him? Perhaps that was the power of love.It makes lovers blind and dumb, sick and addicted, and they will do anything for one more ruinous dose.

“I’ll accept blindness, then, until the truth is revealed to me,” Hillel whispered again and again, in every incarnation into the lands of Adam.

Though he felt failure inscribed upon his flesh, he didn’t give up. An addict like him would know no peace until he tasted her again. He was reborn as a martyr, fate-stricken Bartimaeus, to be swallowed up again and again in the abyss of sacred light. Waiting patiently for his beloved to emerge from the darkness and redeem his agonized soul.

One more touch, one more taste, more soft longing that became a breathing storm.

Ex nihilo. Always there isex nihilo. The birth of hope, until the day his prayer was heard. Because what is stronger than the prayer of the damned? Strong as punishments for the sins of the saints.

I open the door leading to the bedroom and find it empty. I run across the floor and open door after door to no avail, Lilith has vanished.

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