Page 8 of Love You Madly

CALLIE - MARCH 21, 2013

The uncertainty is consuming me, coiling around my thoughts like a vice. Adam strides into the room with a determined look on his face, disrupting my silent turmoil. I stare out the window, watching the trees sway in the spring breeze, trying to make sense of the whirlwind that has become my life. It’s been a little over a week since I found out I am pregnant, and I still do not know how I am going to get through this.

“Callie, we need to talk,” he says, his tone more serious than usual.

Red Flag #750.

He takes a deep breath as if gathering his strength. “I’ve been thinking–”

“Don’t hurt yourself,” I retort. My patience with him is nonexistent at this point. Whether it’s the pregnancy hormones or the years of accumulated resentment, I am nearly over it. When I found out that I was pregnant with our secondchild, I vowed I wouldn’t let him have this hold over me anymore, and yet… Here I sit, trapped in this conversation.

He shoots me a glare, his eyes narrowing. “Can you please not? I’m really trying here… I think maybe we need a fresh start. A new place. Somewhere, we can leave all this behind and try to make things work again.”

Part of me is certain this is a terrible idea. However, we have been living with my mom since moving back to the Midwest, and I know that thanks to the lack of privacy isn’t helping our situation. My mother isn’t the easiest woman to get along with, and she has too much to say about how we parent Sara. This is only going to get worse as Sara gets older.

“Okay,” I say hesitantly. “I’m listening…” Maybe this talk won’t be a red flag after all.

“I found a house in Burlington we can rent until I get the house in Seattle sold, and we are ready to buy a new one. It’s not very far from here. And it’s available on the first of April. That’s a little over a week from now. The timing is perfect. We will still be able to visit Hawkridge easily, but it will also give us a change of scenery. A chance to start over.”

I feel my stomach tighten as a knot of anxiety coils in my stomach. I feel like I’m going to be sick, and I don’t know if it’s because of the pregnancy or his words still hanging in the air. A change of scenery? Really, because clearly, all our problems stem from the view out the window. I can’t shake off the skepticism that prickles under my skin. But even as I cross my arms, shielding myself from the pain he has caused me before, a tiny flicker of hope flutters in my chest. Maybe he is right; a new place would make things more bearable.

We’ve been staying with my mom because Adam hasn’t been able to sell the Seattle house. I wasn’t on the mortgage and can’t afford a place here alone. So until it’s sold, we’re stuck either renting or living with Mom.

This would ensure that Adam moves out of my mother’s house in case I ever need to return here alone.

“Adam, I don’t know–” I start, but he cuts me off.

“Look, I know things have been rough. I know I’ve made mistakes. But I want to make it right, Callie. We were best friends once,” he reminds me.

Green Flag #1.

Wait… Green flag… Do they make those?!

“I can’t help but think we can get back there,” he continues, his voice softer now. “I want us to be a family again. For Sara and the new baby’s sake.”

“Yes, because dragging two innocent babies into our mess has been working out so well so far,” I mutter, glancing over at Sara, who is now playing innocently on the floor with her favorite giraffe toy. Our sweet baby girl is blissfully unaware of the circus her parents are running. She deserves better than this chaos.

“Okay,” I finally say, my voice barely above a whisper. “I’ll try it. But this is your last chance, Adam. If things don’t change, I’m done.”

He beams as if I have just given him a get-out-of-jail-free card. “Thank you, Callie. You won’t regret this, I promise.” The gleam in his glacier-blue eyes gets me every time.God damn it, Adam.

I nod, forcing myself to cling to some shred of belief, but it's a lie I can’t fully swallow. Deep down, I know the truth. Actions always speak louder than words, and Adam’s red flags scream at me. Still… here I am. I haven’t walked away. I’m still pretending, still hoping—because maybe, just maybe, this time will be different. Maybe he’ll prove me wrong. But the ache in my chest tells me I already know how this will end.

That night, Adam does something unexpected. He comes home with a bouquet of roses—roses he thinks are my favorite.I’ve never had the heart to tell him I hate roses because they feel thoughtless, but tonight, I force a smile as their overly sweet scent fills the room. He also brings takeout from the little Chinese restaurant I love–the one I always missed when we lived in Seattle. He sets the table meticulously, lights candles, and even puts on some soft music.

Green Flag #8.

"Callie," he pauses, eyes locking onto mine. "I know I’ve messed up a lot." His voice is heavy with sincerity, begging me to believe him. There’s a rawness in his tone, a desperation tugging at something rooted deep inside me. His usual confidence wavers, replaced by vulnerability. “But tonight, I just want us to have a good evening together. No fighting, no talking about problems. Just us.”

I’m taken aback. It’s been so long since we had a moment like this. When was the last time he did something sweet for me? A flicker of the Adam I fell in love with shines through his eyes, tugging at my heart.

As we sit down to eat, he reaches across the table and takes my hand, his touch gentle and warm. His fingers wrap around mine. At that precise moment, I sense a delicate connection forming between us, but I remain doubtful. “I’m really trying, babe. I want us to work. For real this time.”

I let myself believe him. We talk about anything but our problems. It feels easy. His laughter is genuine; for the tiniest, briefest second, we're just like we used to be. I sit there watching these fleeting glimpses of the man I once adored, and it stirs something inside me—something I thought I’d buried a long time ago.

Once Sara has fallen asleep, we sit on the porch, swinging, talking, wrapped in my favorite green blanket—the one that’s always brought me comfort.

He draws me close and kisses my forehead, his warmthseeping into my skin. It’s a tender gesture that makes my heart ache.Damn hormones.I relax against him, feeling fragile–as if I’m holding my breath. Even if it is just for tonight, this feels right.

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