Page 72 of Love You Madly

We’ve only been here for five minutes before I spot him. Matt. Of course. And he’s not alone.

There’s a girl hanging off his arm, laughing at something he said. She’s younger, and I vaguely recognize her. I think she used to go to the same summer day camp where Matt and I first met. Small world, right? Too small, apparently.

Seeing them together feels like a punch to the gut, but I hold it together. I can’t let Sara see me upset, not when she’s sitting on the blanket with her tiny hands playing with her toys, giggling like this is the best day of her life. For her, I have to hold it together.

Just as I’m trying to calm the jealousy rising in my chest, like some kind of sick joke, I spot another face from the past. Austin.

Damn.

It is as if the universe is trying to twist the knife. He’s standing with a group of friends, looking as handsome as ever. Among them are familiar faces—the same guys he used to wrestle with in high school. Our eyes meet, and for a moment, I’m pulled back in time.

Austin and I had an on-and-off relationship for years. When we weren’t together, my choices earned me a reputation that followed me like a shadow. When Austin finally ended things for good—by quietly changing his Facebook relationship status without even telling me—it felt like a mercy, more than I probably deserved. Yet, it also stripped away a part of my identity. Austin had been my anchor during those chaotic teenage years. No matter how badly I messed up, he always forgave me, and I did the same for him. Losing him sent me spiraling. The guilt, the confusion—it all consumed me. Butthe fleeting sense of being wanted, even when it was destructive, had been an addiction I couldn’t easily shake.

Austin is about my height, incredibly fit, and carries himself with a confidence that never quite crosses the line into arrogance. That self-assurance was what first drew me to him when we met at a Homecoming bonfire my junior year. And he was just as smooth on the dance floor as he was on the wrestling mat.

He grins, and I feel my stomach twist. Even worse—he winks.

I immediately look away, heart pounding. Nope. Nope. Nope. Exes are exes for a reason, Callie. And Austin? His good looks were never enough to make up for the awkward, fumbling mess he was in bed.

I shake my head, focusing on Sara. The fireworks start, bright bursts of color lighting up the sky. I pull Sara close and settle the noise-canceling headphones over her little ears. She’s mesmerized, her tiny hands clapping with excitement as she points at the sky. In this moment, everything else fades away. This is why I’m here—for her.

Not for Matt, not for Austin. For Sara.

After the show, I start gathering our things, trying not to think about how Matt and his new girl are strolling off, hand in hand. Austin is thankfully nowhere to be seen. Good riddance.

As I tuck Sara into her crib that night, my phone buzzes. I pick it up, curious.

Austin West has sent you a friend request.

I snort out loud. Not today, Satan.

The next few days pass in a blur of work, Sara, and trying not to let the past creep up on me. When Brooke texts to invite me to a girls' night at the coffee shop after closing, I jump at the chance. I need a break, and I need my girls.

We lock up after the last customer leaves, spread out snacks on the floor, and laugh like we’re teenagers again. It’s perfect—no guys, no drama, just us.

I tell Brooke about running into Matt and Austin at the park, and she shakes her head. “Matt’s an idiot. You’re way better off without him.”

Taylor grins, nudging me. “And Austin? Ancient history. You’ve got too much ahead of you to look back.”

Her words remind me of the tattoo on my back—the Chinese symbol for “past.” I got it years ago, thinking it was so clever. Put it on my back so I’m always leaving the past behind me. Genius, right?

Their support is what I need, more than anything. We laugh until our sides hurt, and Brooke—always the instigator—chimes in with, “You don’t need a man, Callie. You just need better toys.”

I choke on my soda, cheeks flaming. Taylor, to my surprise, mutters under her breath, “So do I.”

We clean up later, and as I hug my girls goodbye, I feel lighter. For the first time in a while, I feel like maybe, just maybe, things are going to be okay.

thirty

NOT OVER YOU - GAVIN DEGRAW

OWEN - JULY 10, 2013

The thought lingers, gnawing at me every time I glance at my phone—something is missing. Despite the smooth surface of my relationship with Karissa, it’s as if there’s this deep, unshakable void. A pang of regret tugs at me, sharper than I’d ever want to admit. It’s not just the friendship I miss, though that’s a big part of it. It’s the connection. The ease. The way we just clicked.

Callie could send me a single text, some random teasing comment, and it would brighten my day in a way that nothing with Karissa ever has. With Karissa... everything feels dull, like we’re just going through the motions. I know I shouldn’t compare the two because they’re so different, but the truth is, I can’t stop myself. I keep wondering if I rushed into this thing with Karissa, trying to fill a space that maybe she was never meant to fill.

And the worst part? I’m still hung up on Callie. It’s been eating at me every day. And there are so manyreasons I keep telling myself it shouldn’t. Especially because I’m the one that said we should just be friends rather than pursue anything further.

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